THE BLOG
02/27/2014 12:27 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

No, You Will Not Be Getting a Threesome

Shutterstock / nito

Dating is hard. Dating is hard for pretty much everyone. It's all about finding what you like in another person and what you can offer to them as well. You really have to get to know yourself as well as a whole other person and then see if you can mesh without wanting to kill one another. Anything that adds to this already tumultuous journey can really test a person and their potential partner.

I am a bisexual woman who has been on the dating scene and let me tell you -- it can complicate things even more. Mostly because bisexuality is something many people don't understand.

What is being bisexual

For starters, what an awful term. The word "bisexual" usually implies someone has a 50/50 attraction and feelings towards both sexes. This is so far from the case that it can almost be laughable. There is a wide array of feelings that someone can have for either sex. Being bisexual is usually based more on personalities than what is going on physically.

I prefer to use the term "sexually ambiguous" than bisexual. This term suggests more flexibility with feeling both emotional and sexual. Being sexually ambiguous means you can have feelings for either sex. Sometimes you are more attracted to one sex over another, but you are open to both.

Same sex vs. opposite sex

As a sexually ambiguous woman, oftentimes you will be dating straight men or lesbians. I have found that neither have a solid understanding of what it means to be sexually ambiguous or bisexual.

Dating a straight man typically starts off with my "bisexuality" being the coolest thing ever. He tells all of his friends that his girlfriend likes other girls too and it's so awesome. He'll probably get a threesome, or so he thinks. Once the realization of that probably not happening, he slowly starts to become insecure. What if I get bored and miss being with a woman? I've actually had men try to talk me out of being sexually ambiguous. The thing is -- if I'm with you, I'm with you, regardless of what sex organs you have. Being monogamous has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

This is also a very similar situation when dating lesbians, minus telling their friends how awesome it is that her girlfriend is bi and she might get a threesome out of it. But the insecurity of one day wanting to go to back to the other sex is there.

How it's viewed by others

There is one thought that is had across the board: Being bisexual is just confusion. You should just pick one. So, let's be clear. Being sexually ambiguous or bisexual is not a transition stage. I don't wonder who I am or who I am attracted to. I know. I like men and women. There is no question in my mind. Honestly, I find it hard to sometimes see how you could only be attracted to one sex.

Navigating the dating world as someone that is sexually ambiguous is a little more difficult because of the complexities rather than the common thought of it doubling dating options. I have found that the sooner you're open and honest about your sexual identity the sooner you'll find out how cool they really are with it. The best tip I can give: never rule out dating another person that is also sexually ambiguous.