Miss Texas USA: What Really Happens at Pageants

"Who is the most influential Texan in history?"

"Matthew McConaughey. He has funny movies and teaches us a lot about fitness."

A contestant in front of me during the preliminary interview at Miss Texas USA actually gave that response. She gained her brilliance from experience as a former Miss Teen Texas USA, the answer earning her a spot in the Top 15 on pageant night. No offense to my fellow Longhorn University of Texas alumnus -- he is a successful man with his own production company who will make any business think twice about a "no shirt, no shoes" policy -- but I doubt Fool's Gold will ever hold a candle to anything we remember throughout history about Sam Houston.

Now that the wind is dying down since the Miss California vs. Perez Hilton fiasco, I wonder when pageantry will stay where it belongs: the last century. I know you're going to ask, why then, did you enter a pageant yourself? I entered Miss Texas USA for the same reason high school guys ask girls out to the prom: to put another notch in my belt. I want to say I have done everything humanly possible we consider accomplishments, whatever that means in today's society, and having seen that a girl in Illinois earned speaking engagements before she ever even won Miss Illinois (and later Miss America), it seemed like a good idea at the time.

The pageant was good times, all right. I learned valuable information from eavesdropping in conversations among the over 100 contestants, things like the secret to losing weight in a weekend flush is Mexican laxatives you must buy online or across the border. If you spit out a pizza slice in a trash can after each bite you won't gain weight. Who cares if it looks really gross to onlookers? You're saving 500 calories! I also learned how restrooms smell after a load of girls vomit after catering or that if anyone sees you taking allergy medicine in public (me and my Benadryl) or ordering a fruity beverage at the bar as opposed to water (me and my pineapple juice fetish), you will be accused the rest of the week of having a severe drug addiction and possibly be on your way to the Promises facility in California. Seriously. If it weren't illegal to gun down fellow contestants in the alley, these women would do it.

There was a pageant book with each contestant's photo and title inside, and each time someone asked me, "Have you met this person?" I literally had no idea. None of the girls resembled their airbrushed photos whatsoever. Even more shocking was their attitudes. I don't know about other pageants, but Miss Texas USA gives you "celebrity" treatment for a week: a police-escorted motorcade, security, catering, press coverage and so on. The girls, who in their day jobs work part-time selling makeup at department stores and attend one or two classes per semester -- hey now, giving up any aspects of a social life, career or education for a one in 125 chance of being crowned Miss Texas and doing that each year takes patience and hard work! -- all of a sudden turn into Mariah Carey. That's all good and fine for Ms. Carey, a seven-octave Grammy winner. For unknown Miss Texas contestants to act disrespectful toward maids, waiters, and anyone "below" them behind chaperones' backs is not. I recall a very nice lady who was a maid, a teacher who worked to supplement her income in the summer at the hotel in Laredo, telling me how girls would cuss her out to "hurry the fuck up" and so on, and another girl left human waste in a toilet, telling her it was her job as a maid to clean it.

The attitude spread to their boyfriends, who bragged to friends back home that they were visiting Laredo in support of their girlfriends, Miss Texas Contestants. It's like holding up a trophy to the frat dudes that you bagged a pageant bimbo hottie. Never mind that all it really takes to arrive at the state pageant was either winning a city-wide contest or paying the entrance fee to bypass that right to Miss Texas USA (me). That's right, people. You can buy your way to a pageant, and suddenly, people will consider you "one of the most beautiful women in Texas." I should additionally mention that after curfew hours, boyfriends and alcohol were frequent guests at contestant hotel rooms and many girls recited historical facts about what it takes to win a pageant, knowledge learned from the pageant staple known as The Miss Universe Guide to Beauty. They could name state, local, national and international titleholders dating back to the 1970s.

Yes, the brilliance was apparent among the Miss Texas USA crowd. I remember an Asian girl from Houston asking me once when I was speaking Spanish with some restaurant staff, "Why are you like, speaking Spanish? Why are you white?" Actually, I'm part Hispanic, learned Spanish at school, and yes, I am really white looking thanks to that Irish/Eastern European side. But yeah, genetics never crossed her mind, or the fact that a lot of white people in Texas speak Spanish anyway. The fact that she was a minority herself asking that question makes all of it seem more ignorant.

When the Miss California organization created a huge buzz over reigning queen Carrie Prejean's breast implants, I wondered why anyone cared. Half of the Miss Texas contestants had breast implants with nose jobs and arched Botox brows (not kidding) to match. Girls selling jewelry at teenybopper stores like Claire's in rural towns have plastic surgery. Do you dare to tell me the current Miss Universe hailing from Venezuela is all natural, as well as the queens over the last decade, because I have seen Miss Universe 2008 Riyo Mori in person -- a "natural" Japanese woman -- and she looks like an Asian woman with Westernized facial features about to fall over forward from the weight of her chest.

I don't want to imply that all the girls in this experience were psychotic sociopaths with axes under their sparkled dresses. There was a decent amount of nice girls. They were funny and smart, beautiful, really interesting individuals proud of who they were inside out with hobbies to boot. Some were dance instructors, graduating college and NFL/basketball cheerleaders. That's why they were just left out of the "cool" cliques that have been involved in pageants since they were babies, girls who entered a pageant maybe this being their second time tops, who wow! Entered the pageant "for fun." Who does that? You're in this to bitch slap girls to the death until you earn that crown!

Having Miss Texas USA on my resume is pretty interesting. First, it causes people to remember who I am. Second, people forget and when speaking with me, ask me about what it was like to be first runner-up at the pageant or a former Miss Texas USA. If that's the case, there isn't a point to winning the pageant when people won't remember anyway, right? Third, and this is the best part, there is a notion that beauty pageant women, especially those in the world-renowned Miss Texas USA, are gorgeous creatures in the vein of Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. It's considered adequate experience for modeling and television and ask yourself, how many people on the street remember Miss Texas USA's name or who won Miss USA three years ago? I would rather rank among Miss Texas USA's famous "ugly losers," like Eva Longoria Parker and Farrah Faucett. Whoever picked on Ms. Longoria at that year's pageant is probably at home barbecuing yesterday's potroast for her 85 children while she landed on Maxim's hottest women list.

I don't know how much longer pageantry will last in this country. You would think by now with Playboy and women in bikinis everywhere that men could care less about watching girls in granny panties-sized swimwear prance across a stage to win a contest that's rigged, predetermined a week in advance, a contest the real people don't even get to vote in. What is the appeal? Miss America has already been reduced to a retirement community worth of viewers on an ever-changing cable network. Really, CMT must have given TLC a load of kickbacks to have it, saying, "Take this trash! We could get more viewers if we played ten year old Shania Twain music videos followed by Hee Haw reruns!" Worse, Miss USA and Miss Universe are "no talent required" competitions -- quite obvious if you ever meet any of the talentless, brainless contestants -- so you can't claim people watch them for the great singing.

In the future, next time there is a vague statement balling into a massive political discussion, let's not take gay rights advocacy from a formerly pink-haired celebrity blogger who became famous for drawing semen on people's photos or hear the opposing side from a bikini-clad pageant girl each seeking their extended 15 minutes of cable news fame. Yes, she's beautiful and will probably be a leading actress, his blog is a guilty pleasure even I have read every so often, but Harvey Milk would roll over in his grave if he knew the day we finally made gay rights a public matter, it would be between those two people.

Follow Krystle Russin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/itskrystleclear

Comments

[haimchaim]

Let the girls be beautiful - nothing wrong too compete -It's competition Baby - just like Pro sports ..let the best lady win !!

[shriekingviolet]

Given how completely inarticulate Miss California was in delivering her now infamous answer re: gay marriage, I'm stunned to hear that there are preliminary interviews for pageant contestants. If they happen in most pageants I can't imagine they're anything more than a charade, because otherwise anyone who says something a goofy and inane as "opposite marriage" should get the boot no matter how pretty she is or how rockin' her plastic rack is. To me, it was never Carrie Prejean's opinion on marriage equality (an issue that I consider very important to me) that made her answer so stunning. It was that a pageant would even bother having an interview portion to their "contest" if they weren't going to bother wading out the idiots that would remind the audience of what a joke and how sexist pageants are (in that they could care less about what's going on inside a woman's brain so long as she all of the more important, shallow standards) or that they wouldn't coach them hard enough beforehand so that such word vomit wouldn't occur.

[Tremonius]

There is a disturbing habit of thought based on leveling. One who is (1) female and (2) beautiful must by our holy egalitarian order be dim. It's the law. I have seen so many cretins disparage women who are attractive simply because it seems in small minds to offset the natural advantages. Dumb Blond jokes are signatures to this infernal need to lower what threatens you.

How many dumb blond jokes did we hear about that weird second baseman for the Yankees who during a playoff game spent the time when his opponets were rounding the bases arguing a call with the first base ump? What about the quarterback who, to celebrate a TD, jammed his head into a concrete wall and was out for some games? Remember the right fielder who provided a homer off his numb skull? (Hint: famous as a juicer nowadays.)

No, it has to be the women who have their intelligence questioned, even though plenty of the remarks I see right here in this thread suggest glass houses.

[Raphi]

From Milk to jugs v. jughead... At last gay shallowness, self-promotion, and sequin laden clothing are just as much Americana as that of TV preachers and beauty contestants. What is it about artificial contents we find so delicious?

[joycehelene]

I have the feeling that girls that sign up for these pageants are really exhibitionists at heart and will do anything to their bodies to make them look good. It really doesn't matter if they have any talent or not, the guys who like to look at the girls in their bikinis don't really care, they just like to see them strutting their stuff and the bigger boobs they have the better, who cares if they are implanted. The more you can see of these girls the better. There is also some fame and fortune attached to these contests and hopefully some endorsements. For many of these girls it is a rite of passage before they go into the real world of work, marriage and motherhood.

[LiberalForever]

Well, as a Ultra Liberal Democrat who is also a native Texan (I know, it's very rare indeed) I am at least not ashamed of her posting. It's better than anything Rick Perry has ever said.

[lynnn]

Here, Here... It isn't that there aren't liberal people in Texas, it is just that most Texans (my family members included) are just too self absorbed to care about state politics.

[Surreal2me]

Another Texas Liberal here!!! We are out there. Don't forget the late-great- Molly Ivins... Texas Liberals survived and are beginning to thrive again despite the Texan Taliban's (Bush/Rove­/Perry/Cra­ddick) attempt to gerrymander us into irrelevance.

But on thread topic.. I won't let my two daughters watch them. Disney Channel is bad enough. I did growing up and soon realized that I would never fit the "beautiful" mold and moved into things that mattered.

[lynettema]

I'll bet you liberals from Texas love HuffPo. My state is purple for the first time in my lifetime of living her, but I still love HuffPo.

[writerroz]

Stange that the fakery of pageants has finally drifted to the top of the cess pool. I'm believing even more in my sense of smelling when something is getting foul, because I've given up on paying attention to the beauty pageants for I'm not sure how many years now. If I hadn't already sensed that they're fake and fixed, I for sure would have wrote them off the very second I learned that Donald Trump was in charge. He is a HUGE fake. All of his bragging does not change the fact that he so poorly managed his own buisnesses that they went bankrupt and he is taking large government subsidies to build more hotels and gambling casinos. Trump should be told "Your're fired" and left to sink or swin on his own poor judgements. Never before Trump have beauty contest winners been allowed to clean up their failures and continue as winners.

[langej]

Meeow!

[inthewind]

How dare you knock Hee Haw. There were more red, hot and blue girls charming Americans on hay bales in a single season than all of the winners of Miss Texas and Miss USA's combined.

[MichelleDenise64]

Giggling again, I thank you all for the endless days of such commentary. I love to laugh and you all do if for me every time I stop by.

[Frank Lameira]

I strongly disagree with the remarks from Ms. Russin. I happened to serve as a judge for the Miss Texas USA Pageant on two occasions. I also have served as the State Director for the Miss Teenage California Scholarship Pageant for 31 years, which incidently has no affiliation with either Miss USA or MIss America, but remains one of the most successful state programs of it's kind in the nation. We however do not have a swimsuit competition. Our contestants are judged on Achievements & Activities, Personality, and Poise and Appearance in Formal Attire. I would suggest that Krystle Russin might be singing a different tune had she actually won Miss Texas USA. IN my 31 years as a State Director and judge of said events I find the contestants to be intelligent and goal oriented. Most seem to be very motivated. I strongly disagree with the assertion that pageant contestants are by any stretch less intelligent than their non-competing counterparts. Perhaps quite the contrary. Ms. Russin their are a slew of allegations that you bring that bare little to do with truth or reality. The two times I have the priviledge of judging the Miss Texas USA Pageant for Al and Gail Clark, I found to be totally positive. They produce a high quality event, offer substantial opportunities to their contestants, and offer an excellent prize package.

[Krystle Russin - Huffpost Blogger]

Sir, you're 100 percent right on that. I would, had I won Miss Texas, been "singing a different tune." I would be keeping my mouth shut to hang onto those awesome prizes you speak of - Miss TX gives you a car, jewelry, etc. - and pretend to be a corny girl who doesn't know what opinions are. Winning Miss Texas would have possibly placed me at Miss USA as some sort of finalist, and from there, I could work that into a career. Most Miss USAs and Universes fail to consider post-crown career options once they've earned minor celebrity status. I hope Miss Prejean uses her fame to go Hollywood, honestly.

We weren't talking about swimsuit competitions in your own pageant. Nor did I ever accuse the pageant owners of anything in this piece or diss the televised production numbers. Judges stay by themselves in their hotel rooms for two days at the end of Miss Texas, enjoying an expense-free trip with good food, a nice little respite there. They are not to speak to the girls and rarely go near them, so you aren't really one to talk about whether any of what I have to say is true. You weren't there. P.S., ya'll! Judges, in some contests, get paid on top of a free trip to judge!

The person questioning the "disgruntled winners" you speak of is right. How many disgruntled girls do you know from working at your pageants?

[Tremonius]

"Ms. Russin their are a slew of allegations that you bring that bare little to do with truth or reality."

It is to be expected that the author of that sentence would not even judge harshly of the famous Miss Teenage South Carolina. And I don't doubt some guy who manages to maintain a stately postion among a herd of near-naked cuties year after year should refer, as they all do, to "scholarship" incessantly, the way Hugh Hefner called on social issues as his own figleaf. The truth was presented by John Stewart in his Old Time Woman:

Miss America, I've got your game;
It's a Christian burlesque show;
They're feastin' their eyes
On your sweet young thighs;
And you're pretendin' that you don't know.

[TheBlackCat]

"Harvey Milk would roll over in his grave if he knew the day we finally made gay rights a public matter, it would be between those two people."

That has to be one of the best statements said on this whole story thus far.

[Frank Lameira]

It's a contest for chrissakes. Contest= competition. Some win, some loose. Usually the losers are the most disgruntled. Ever notice that?

[RudyV]

So how many disgruntled winners have you run across, Honorable Judge Lameira? According to your statement there must be some, which makes me wonder what they're so disgruntled about.

[Surreal2me]

It's a contest that only a woman with a chosen and specific ideal look is allowed to compete in. So because I am of short stature (5'3" and weight about 135") I am too short and too fat. But I could use the chance to win cars, scholarships, jewelery and a leap at a fab career too. But .. sigh.. I'm not pretty enough, tall enough, thin enough.. who cares if I am intelligent and witty and have achievements that would qualify me as well. . In the end only the "beautiful girls get to play in the game. Therefore any positive remark you make Mr. Lameira; are moot. It is about face, boobs, legs and ass. Period.

[jade7243]

"Some win, some loose..."

bad spelling = Freudian slip?

Some of the young women in the pageant may very well be "loose." Wishful thinking on your part?

[langej]

Anyone who thinks Harvey Milk would be upset by who it was that made gay rights a public matter didn't know him very well.

[quovadiszero]

Is that you cousin Milk

[turbowei]

Honestly, if physical brawniness can be called talent, I don't see how looking pretty can not.

[Aranxa]

It's true that many of us enter these pageants for the same reason people climb Mt. Everest. It's there to try, why not? I've joined bicycling racing teams just to say I could ride 100 miles in one day and became a justice of the peace after I passed the bar just to be able to say I do weddings and divorces. All in all, pageants are pretty stupid but they do give you valuable experience. Dealing with those girls was good prep for becoming a trial attorney.

Miss New York State National Teenager, '82

[GreatNews27]

I can't wait until the Texas university system starts giving 'needy' girls pagent scholarships. How many really stupid beautiful girls are out there in need of taping and makeup classes? Oh, the humanity!!

[Euroflycars]

There are probably no really stupid beautiful girls in the whole world, except those poor ones who are really mentally handicapped -- who we often happen to find so much the more moving with their looks of innocent, helplessly confident children.

In fact these poor things look like beatiful girls looks in their earliest years when the flawless beauty of their young faces and bodies, and the charm and grace of their movements, gestures, and mimickry, appeal irresistibly to our erotic sensitivity.

Alas, a deeply moving interest carefully hidden from these angels foremost by their own fathers, although this sensual response is naturally due to these women-to-be in order for their bodily and intellectual complementarity with the other gender to be able to gently evolve into the mighty synergy potential of the mature couple.

It's the early denial of this natural complicity with their own fathers or another adult reference person -- out of fear of the terrific legal and social consequences -- which is mainly responsible for the intellectual immaturity of many of the most beautiful young girls in our society, exposing them helplessly to the greed of all kinds of machos and predators as soon as they leave their family's cocoon.