Lana Citron
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Lana Citron is the author of five novels, (inc; The Honey Trap, The Brodsky Touch) one non-fiction book, short stories, film scripts, radio plays and poetry. Her work is published all over the world, US, Japan Europe and the UK. Her last book, 'A Compendium of Kisses' was described by the Economist as, ‘an intellectual and indulgent treat; every dip will prompt a smile, a shock or perhaps even a thrill.’ a wonderful and comprehensive book on all things osculatory.’

Blog Entries by Lana Citron

This Labour of Love

(4) Comments | Posted April 23, 2013 | 7:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an Accidental Mother - week 40.

So there we were at the end of a journey and the beginning of a lifetime. These past nine months have been the longest, shortest, most confounding emotional roller coaster since... well, probably since the first time round.

...
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Thirteen Lucky Years of Boy Wonderment

(1) Comments | Posted April 15, 2013 | 7:00 PM

Thirteen years ago, a boy besieged my heart and taught me how to love.

Saturday morning at our local synagogue, my son stands tall on the bimah and sings aloud his bar mitzvah piece. Friends and family have travelled from as far as Australia, the States, the Caribbean, Ireland,...

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Taming of the Shrewd

(0) Comments | Posted April 7, 2013 | 7:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 38

The last and latest NCT meet-up we were talking about breastfeeding. 'Apparently' breast-feeding doesn't hurt, just like how labour doesn't hurt. Ladies, I beg to differ.

"It does hurt."

"Accidental Mum?"

"It does...

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Woman in Hormonal Maelstrom - Approach With Caution!

(0) Comments | Posted March 29, 2013 | 4:45 PM

Week 37


They say a picture paints a thousand words....


2013-03-29-DSCN1044.JPG

Need I add more?

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Show Time

(4) Comments | Posted March 21, 2013 | 7:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 36

It was to be our last meeting, the final check-up with my midwife. The chosen pronoun belies the reality. It was a polygamous liaison. Over the past nine months of appointments, I hadn't seen the same midwife once....

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Tales of Hard Labour and the Pink Ribbon

(1) Comments | Posted March 13, 2013 | 7:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 35

My hand reached high above my head. "Pick me, pick me," I cried, provoking an instant recall of school days. Personally, the best part of class was waving an upward pointed arm and then the satisfaction of getting an...

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When Sexiness Left the Building

(0) Comments | Posted March 6, 2013 | 6:00 PM

The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 34

This week the bump took command of the mothership. All things ego-related receded into the background as I prepared for metamorphosis, from woman to 'mother' or 24 hour service station. Branded with a thick black line, a primal print...

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Shooting Hannah Cohen

(0) Comments | Posted February 25, 2013 | 6:00 PM

The continuing diary of an accidental mother - week 33

In a grey stone church in Dublin, I watched myself from a time since past; as a seven year old, Jewish girl wanting to belong. The place was full of people, though none were praying and nothing was quite what...

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Sharp and Sweet - The Beet Generation

(0) Comments | Posted February 18, 2013 | 6:00 PM

The continuing diary of an accidental mother - week 32

"It was the beetroot wot done it, guv."
Lip-licking, lasciviously mine smacked together, as spittle fired with desirous thoughts of consumption. Gloriously immodest, the bunch was as nature intended, ripe for the picking. I would have that beet. The...

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The Chocolate Orange of Eternal Desire

(0) Comments | Posted February 11, 2013 | 6:00 PM

-The continuing diary of an accidental mother - week 31

It happens - someone contacts you from a time way back - when half your present size, you shook your tail feather and tickled your fancy.

We hadn't seen each other in over 20 years. On a recent holiday...

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Mr Greene and the Places He Takes Me

(0) Comments | Posted February 4, 2013 | 6:00 PM

The continuing diary of an accidental mother - week 30

The thing about Mr Greene is he takes me places I have never been. I refer to Graham. I was on a Graham Greene roll. The Quiet American lay across my lap, the tip of page 89 gently folded...

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On 'Going Down' - The Joys of Cohabitation

(3) Comments | Posted January 28, 2013 | 6:00 PM

- The Continuing Diary of an Accidental Mother - Week 29

Last week began preparing for the arrival of a certain someone and this week ended with the ding-dong of the door bell.

Yes after 42 years, my long cherished independence was under imminent threat. My single days cooked....

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Parenting Lessons - For Real!

(1) Comments | Posted January 21, 2013 | 6:00 PM

-The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 28

The nesting season began. A certain someone was expected in the near future. I set about cleaning or rather thinking about cleaning. 'Must clean, must clean' was the daily mantra. There was no way out. I was going to have...

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The Curse of the Fortune Cookie

(2) Comments | Posted January 7, 2013 | 6:00 PM

-The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 27.

"I have a story for you," said the Irish solicitor swilling a large brandy. "You'll like this."

Drink had been taken and it was getting on. Midnight stood in the corner with a raised fist - ready to...

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War Baby

(5) Comments | Posted December 31, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- The continuing trials of an accidental mother, week 26 -

Perhaps I should brush over this week. It was not a happy one. I was not a happy person. I hated everyone and everything. This was compounded by the official and public confirmation that the...

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Out of the Blue and Into the Pink

(0) Comments | Posted December 24, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 25

It's official the Interloper has the Glam Rocker's nose.

"Oh well," I said, "none of us are perfect."

It was take two on the twenty-week scan.

The Glam Rocker passed me a filthy look then declared the child...

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The Eternal Optimist

(0) Comments | Posted December 16, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 24

Fare the well oh corporal body bits. I waved adieu to the tops of my thighs and higher. 'We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when...' Well, actually, I did sort of, reckoning on at least a...

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Old Sod Wonderments and Maternal Delusion

(0) Comments | Posted December 10, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- the continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 23


Boy Wonder and I were back in the Emerald Isle. It took us over an hour and half to leave the airport and when we did, it was in a scratched up rental car. Dublin looked...

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Life's a Pitch

(1) Comments | Posted December 3, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 22

Monday, mid afternoon in an interview room in Central London, Irish Director Shimmy Marcus and myself were under the spotlight. My script Hannah Cohen's Holy Communion had been short listed for the prestigious Pears Foundation award....

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The Marmite Mother Versus Lady Gaga

(2) Comments | Posted November 25, 2012 | 6:00 PM

- The continuing diary of an accidental mother - Week 21

The week was spent chasing tail (nothing salacious you understand - I refer to my own). The feature, An Accidental Mother was noticed... and I was deemed Marmite, i.e. loved or loathed.

Being...

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