When Everybody is Naked, Only the Terrorists Will Wear Clothes

If we were really serious about fighting terrorism in this country, everybody in a public space would be naked. Then terrorists could not conceal bombs under their clothes, anybody wearing clothes would be easily spotted and arrested, and we'd all be safe.

Oh, I've heard the excuses. Cold weather, for example. But let me ask: would you rather be a little chilly or be blown up? And then there's modesty. A lot of people are not comfortable with their own bodies. Again: would you be more comfortable if your body was in a thousand pieces after an explosion? Finally, there's the whining about where to put your keys and your i.d. Here's my answer: in your hands! If you must wear clothes, you can do so in the privacy of your own home.

The government will not do this. Politicians won't touch the issue. It's going to be up to individual citizens, joining together into a vanguard to simply start removing their clothes in public. Once the example is set, others will follow, and soon all but the terrorists will be naked as jaybirds.

Some would advocate a gradual transition. Start by removing coats, jackets, shirts and sweaters, until full, frontal nudity is the norm. I don't favor this approach. Personally, I'd rather just get it over with, like jumping into a clear mountain lake, a bit uncomfortable at first, but then it's fine.

It will probably fall to readers of the Huffington Post, more intelligent and also more physically attractive than the general public, to get the ball rolling. So, what are you waiting for?

Larry Arnstein is co-author, with Zack Arnstein, of "The Ultimate Counterterrorist Home Companion - Six Incapacitating Holds Involving a Spatula and Other Ways to Protect Your family"(Santa Monica Press, September 2007.

Comments

[charon]

There is something to be said for everyone being less afraid of their own and others' bodies. Nakedness is honesty of a kind, and such honesty might help those in power remember who they are--little men and women of flesh and blood, vulnerable and weak. What is with the whole suit thing anyway? Power clothes? Ties?!?? Surely those who indulge in such millinery fantasy are pathologically insane.

[sarge]

Excellent idea, Larry. It's absurd that if I tried to get through airline security naked, I would be arrested and taken to jail! Even more absurd that I need to cover up to take a dip in the ocean. And, while were at it, we should be allowed to smoke pot. I defy you to find, anywhere in the world, a stoned, naked person that aspires to go to another country and kill its people! Ben Dixon, you are (I know you were being facetious) wrong. Converting to Islam doesn't work, evidenced by the Sunni/Sunni, Sunni/Shia, Shia/Shia, Kurd/sort-of Kurd violence in Iraq. To end terrorism we should all become pot smoking nudists!

[Thorn]

Stay in school, Larry!

[Ben Dixon]

Oh how foolish you are, OBL has already told us how to stop terrorism, have everyone convert to Islam. Then we can have jihad instead of terrorism.

[Podewumun]

Trust me on this one thing...having ME walk around nekkid would up the Threat Level to RED.