On the Red Phone

To hear Larry read his post, click the play button below

Here's an idea for an Obama ad: a montage of Clinton's Sybillish personalities that have surfaced during the campaign with a solemn voiceover at the end saying, "Does anyone want this nut answering the phone?"

How is it that she became the one who's perceived as more equipped to answer that 3 a.m. call than the unflappable Obama? He, with the ice in his veins, who doesn't panic when he's losing or get too giddy when he's winning, who's as comfortable in his own skin as she's uncomfortable in hers. There have been times in this campaign when she seemed so unhinged that I worried she'd actually kill herself if she lost. Every day, she reminds me more and more of Adele H., who also had an obsession that drove her insane.

A few weeks ago, I started to feel sorry for her. Oh Christ, let her win already...Who cares...It's not worth it. There's not that much difference between them. She can have it. Anything to avoid watching her descend into madness. So I switched. I started rooting for her. It wasn't that hard. Compromise comes easy to me. I was on board.

And then I saw the ad.

I watched, transfixed, as she took the 3 a.m. call...and I was afraid...very afraid. Suddenly, I realized the last thing this country needs is that woman anywhere near a phone. I don't care if it's 3 a.m. or 10 p.m. or any other time. I don't want her talking to Putin, I don't want her talking to Kim Jong Il, I don't want her talking to my nephew. She needs a long rest. She needs to put on a sarong and some sun block and get away from things for a while, a nice beach somewhere -- somewhere far away, where there are...no phones.

Comments

[NursePatric]

Thanks so much Larry for that thoughtful and insightful piece. It wasn't even funny! I think the "that woman" comment was the only interesting verbage you spewed. Why don't you get a sarong and some sunscreen and go clear a beach somewhere.

[AngerAndDetermination]

It's not going to work, NursePatric. You are not going to turn every criticism of _that_woman_ into a flimsy excuse to pay the "sexist card." Would you have preferred if he said "that man?"

[NursePatric]

I would have preferred "her" or "HRC" ... And I'm sorry but it is becoming painfully obvious that the really atrocious comments directed at HRC, and the liminal content of comedic discourse, have to do with archtypic fear and hatred of powerful women. I objected to the immature tone and content of the piece that I don't think would have made it to print or even into L. David's imagination had he been writing about "that man" Barack Obama. BTW ... I think Obama is a good guy.

[useyourbrain]

He could have used her name. But he plays on the whole, older/craz­y/menopaus­al woman thing that men have a problem with.

It's amazing to me that so many woman are for BO, a trophy candidate getting the promotion over the better qualified woman. Read the article in today's NYT on BO in the Senate -- you might have a different picture of him afterwards. An article that should have been published in December.

[Rog49Thomas]

Fourth of four 3AM presidential phone calls.

Obama

(Caller): "President Obama?

(Obama): "Yes!"

(Caller): "I have an urgent topic to discuss with you".

(Obama): "Present"

(No further dialogue from the President, caller slams phone down).

[Keith52]

Just in case you didn't know, voting "present" in the Illinois senate means "I don't want to kill this bill but it is flawed, so let's go back and rework it." This baloney of taking Barack's "present" votes and turning them into "gee I don't want to commit" is just real stupidity. I would rather tweak a good bill than kill it and start over. this is just like a Republican to say everything is either black or white, yes or no. Politics is all about negotiating with and motivating people. That's why Barack Obama is our best choice for President.

[Rog49Thomas]

Actually, what I understood that Obama admitted was that on about 45 or 50 occasions of his 130 present votes, he was voting under instructions from the Democratic Party to provide among other things cover for Democrats where a vote for abortion rights would have been a problem. I've seen a statement that he said he would have preferred to stand up for a "Republican" black or white 'yea" or :"nay" but voted as he did out of party loyalty.

On a lot of occasions when he voted "present", his stance was not enough to cause the bill to go back for a revote. In fact I'm not sure that there was even a single such cases. Presumably, he is astute enough to know whether a bill will pass or not.
If so and in such a case, then how does this prove his skills in negotiating and motivating people? No bills were reopened. No negotiations took place.

If his present vote had been the critical one and led to a re-opening of a bill, then maybe I'd by the "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" rhetoric.

Now, of course, it is important to stand up for principles even if one is the only person doing so. But that is not the argument you are making to justify his votes so it's irrelevant.

More importantly the question I then have is this. The presumption is that Brother OBama voted "present" on bills that had substantial flaws. That is, he didn't vote "present" for some minor point. If the math was such that his present vote wouldn't cause a bill to be reopened, shouldn't he have voted no because the bill was fatally flawed? Wasn't he running the risk that a flawed bill would be passed?

[AngerAndDetermination]

How about this one:
(Caller): "President Hillary?"
(H. Clinton): "Yes!"
(Caller): "We'd like to murder tens of thousands of people on a pack of lies."
(H. Clinton): "What do the polls say?"
(Caller): "The polls say you will look tough if you do it. It's is politically advantageous this week."
(H. Clinton): "Bombs away!"

[useyourbrain]

Oddly enough, Obama voted for every war resolution once in the Senate.

He also voted against the Kerry/Feingold amendment to bring the troops home with a timetable and full plan.

HRC vote for it. So who was against the war but doesn't want to bring the troops home?
And who fired his foreign policy brain for letting the cat out of the bag that BO has no intention of pulling the troops out right away and is just saying that for the election -- that's why she was fired, not the "monster" remark. Obama gets real touchy when his lies are made pubic.

[elkabong]

It's 3 am. The hotline is flashing red. "HR speaking." She listens intently . After a few tense moments, she responds with the deftness of a happy-warrior, "I seem to be the one who gets all the first questions...maybe we should get Centcom a pillow... I'll answer it...I'm just saying...

[Rog49Thomas]

Third of four 3AM phone call scenarios.

(1) Sister Hillary

(Caller): "Hillary?"

(Clinton): "We've been over this before. NO, I am not going to send the Secret Service to collect you from some trailer camp. Ask her for cab fare or walk home".

(Slams phone down).

[CBS]

Whatever it is....don't quit your day job.

[Rog49Thomas]

Agreed.

[Rog49Thomas]

It's 3AM.

Second of four scenarios.

(1) McCain

(Caller): "President McCain?"

(McCrazy); "My friend you just woke me out of delicious dream where I was about to drag Hanoi Jane into my tiger cage at the Hanoi Hilton and give her a lesson in patriotism she wouldn't forget. When I get off this call with you, I'm calling the Joint Chiefs. We'll nuke you back to the stone age!"

(Slams phone down and calls Norad).

[Rog49Thomas]

It's 3 AM and the phone rings in the presidential bedroom at the WhiteHouse.

First of four scenarios: Current Occupant

(Caller): "Georgie?"

(Pan): "Thanks for calling back, Jesus. Should I have the Capn Crunch or Count Chocula for breakfast?"

(Caller): "Next time, I'm calling collect".

(Slams phone down).

[zull2]

Ahh, a bitter ex-Edwards supporter mocking all the available candidates because he/she didn't get what he/she wanted.

"No!!! None of these choices are what I wanted! I'm going to cross my arms and complain as much as I can because I just don't care anymore! Maybe I'll threaten to vote for Nader then just not show up! That'll show them all! I'm smarter than all of these people even though I never paid attention John Edwards's voting record prior to 2003!"

[Rog49Thomas]

Nope.

A realist who knows that "just folks" warts and all are running. There are no "perfect" people or candidates. We all have our flaws.

So I have no problem poking fun at "my candidate's" imperfections 'cause I haven't made him or her the Christ and don't think an election is the "Rapture".

I am supporting one of the two remaining Democrats and frankly will vote for either of them in the general election 'cause we can't afford another Republican loony in the White House.

[Star123]

Sigh. We need a change--but it's not a new president---it's new citizens.

[abluevoice]

Great comment Star123.
Also LindsayT, not treason but sheer un-Clintonlike stupidity, or maybe it is typical, Bill screwed it up and the Demo Party when he couldn't resist a groupie and now Hillary with her idiotic inference ,McCain is better than Barak, and her stupid campaign commercial about the 3am phone call. I was a big Clinton fan, until this desperation on her part and her handlers started threatening the Dems chances in the Nov. election. If the Dems lose to McCain, Star is right we need new citizens/voters, but also the Dems are unfit to lead if they lose to 4 more years of Republican dishonesty, self interest, and incompetence!

[kennedy]

Hillary is very smart and she will be the next president.

She is telling the truth if you care to listen.

[sugarbox]

Bill Clinton said it best in 2004:
“If one candidate is appealing to your fears, and the other one is appealing to your hopes, you better vote for the person who wants you to think and hope.”
Fight fear:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPUUPO2HqvQ

[kennedy]

Bill was talking about junior. You know Obamas cousin Bush and throw Cheney in there to.

[TiffShelton]

Man that sucked. Bill Clinton decries fear tactics except when his wife uses them.

How is Sen. Obama ready to be Vice President and not ready to be President? Any ideas how that will play out in the general?

[kennedy]

Larry you can kiss us Hillary supporters butt.

[LBKN]

Psst... Kennedy... I have a secret...

Franticality is the posture adopted by the loosing party.

If you want to help the Hill-spin-­machine... you have to at least try to adopt a calm posture...

and the prose... try the dictionary and thesaurus. They are invaluable aids when communicating.

[w&cheneysuck]

He will be laughing in the aisles....is this your attempt at comedy?

[RogerHWerner]

Before David or anyone else can kiss the butts of Hillary Clinton supporters they are going to have to extract their collective heads since most of them appear to be stuck in up to their shoulders. Just this once it would be nice if Clinton's supporters would take a look at what this woman is saying. I voted for her, I did look, and what she's saying isn't just asinine; I find it revolting.

[msjennifer]

I am so tired of the primary process. Since I live in Florida my vote doesn't count. Since when can a party declare two states citizens irrelevant? Let's have all the states vote on the same day and that will solve all the bickering and Larry won't have to change his opinion and write something thoughtful instead. By the way Larry and all who would condemn HRC, how many have actually met her?

I don't see anything from any of the candidates that would lead me to believe that they will end the occupation in Iraq and as for the economy, we are screwed. Our house of cards economy is built is not going to hold up as the financial tsunami approaches. We are only just waking up to the fact that something is seriously wrong and no politician can fix it. Change for change sake? No one can overcome the stranglehold the insurance and pharma companies have on Washington.

The dancing chimp in the white house doesn't know that gas is approaching 4.00 a gallon? Not one politician can even say the R word, now it is looking more like the D word. Soup and donut lines soon to come. As for the poor they will rise up as the will be both hungry and homeless. Don't worry about the elites as in John Edwards and Hillary both said "don't worry about us we will be just fine, but will the American people be ok?"


The dancing chimp in the white house doesn't know that gas is approaching 4.00 a gallon? Not one politician can even say the R word, now it is looking more like the D word. Soup and donut lines soon to come. As for the poor they will rise up as they will be both hungry and homeless. Don't worry about the elites as in John Edwards and Hillary both said "don't worry about us we will be just fine, but will the American people be ok?"

[1sanevoice]

i feel for you folks in Florida and Michigan

it is unfortunate that the leaders at the state level did not weigh the well-known consequences of defiance correctly

the national party has to have some way of influencing compliance for simple coordination of the overall system

i hope that you folks have the chance to caucus or have a primary. the whole point was to disallow Florida and Michigan to usurp the leading primary/ caucus states' positions and that will have effectively happened if "do-overs" are held.

[WadeNYC]

Hear, hear! Florida and Michigan took a gamble and bet that the DNC wouldn't dare deny seating their delegates when they moved up their primaries in definance of the rules. Michigan's and Florida's voters should be represented at the convention, but they need to be chosen according to new primaries or caucues paid for by the people of those states who leaders gambled and lost. Rules matter.

[stepintothelight]

WAWAWAWAH ... The Black guy is winning ... Quick ... change the rules!!!

[joanndarc]

It's so easy to speculate that Hillary and McCain's voting on Iranian guard is their willingness to start a new war, thus drain the budget even more, send more american solders in harms way, forget about economic problems at home.

[sunzen]

If you disect this ad...two details seem to jump out at me. 1) She was dressed up at 3am; I dont want a president who does not get enough sleep answering the red phone; maybe the phone rang so many times before she answered it because she was busy with hair, makeup, and wardrobe. 2) They hired the movie trailer guy to do the narration; hmmm interesting choice; I guess it is like the movie trailers in a very important way; the trailer is much better than the movie.

[w&cheneysuck]

Love this! LOL!

[CBS]

She did take her contacts out tho.

[midtown]

Hillary Clinton has proven to be as Low Rent as her husband.

[JonathanLatroy]

But the 3 am call would be for Bill!
http://www.comedy.com/video/hillary-s-3-am-call

[sheisme]

Actually, if someone did try to ring the red phone at 3 a.m. it would probably be busy ... Bill on the red phone talking in heavy breath whispers to someone in the red light district.

[diondrabutterfly]

let's try this again:

completely totally sexist.

[elkabong]

I've heard claims of sexism being practiced against Senator Clinton. What I never get an answer to is this: How can her supporters complain of sexism when, besides her husband's successes (and the early corporate money she raised; money she decries in public), the primary reason anyone is voting for Hillary is that she is a woman?

If the media's and Larry David's (and anyone who questions or criticizes or is frightened by Hillary Clinton's behavior) alleged maltreatment of Hillary is due to her gender, I'm wondering what you think is the reason they all but ignored Edwards and Kucinich when they weren't making mountains out of haircut and UFO molehills? I didn't hear her supporters claim bias when Senator Clinton got the lion's share of talk-time in most of the 20 debates, I didn't hear any whining when she was being touted as the nominee presumed.

That Clinton made it as far as she has is due, in no small part, to her being a woman. Isn't it somewhat lame to complain of gender bias while reaping its benefits?

P.S. Men have been screwing up the world for centuries. I've no doubt that women should be given every opportunity to screw it up, too. Hillary has acted, particularly recently, as to leave no doubt that she's more than capable of doing just that.

[kylie]

So, let's make sure the American people have a say in who deserves to be the first woman candidate. Being a woman does not qualify or disqualify one from the nomination.

Hillary is not the right woman for many of us-it is not sexism-she is a pro-war candidate who is corporate-­compromise­d. How many ways do we need to say it. Poor decision making, bad campaign strategy(financial and methodology ) have revealed someone I am not willing to settle on.

[elkabong]

P.S.

If "qualification" and "experience" were really the criteria, Biden, Dodd or Richardson would have flattened Hillary Clinton. How come?

[VivaZapata]

labeling this as sexist rather than addressing the issues raised by Mr. David suggests that perhaps his assertions, point by point, are irrefutable. so, diondra, you may try it again, but a different tact might be more convincing.

[Blackbird]

Not necessarily. Many anti-Hilary sentiments are taken as anti-woman sentiments. It's not sexist to dislike her and distrust her.

[ginnypoo]

It is when sexist terms and double standards are used to site why you dislike her and most anti-Hillary talk is just that, sexist and double-standards. I've heard it for years, my skin is very thick by now, none of this is new.....got anything recent.......I'm disgusted that Obama's group pushed the racist stories, he admitted it live at the debate following SC, and Obama supporters never mention it although they do allude to what Bill Clinton 'said'. That fact along with his black militant roots, and his wife's comment that she would NOT vote for Hillary if Obama wasn't the nom, all together with Ayers, Farrakhan's award from Obama's church members, and his 20 year association with all of this....that is the problem I have with him. And then his followers come on here and threaten Hillary supporters that we are dividing the party and there will be blood in the streets.......I find every bit of this stuff to be the reason Hillary supporters just cannot support Obama. I know it is why I can't.

[rwhiteside]

No. Sexist is where you project a bias that is not there in reality. The reality of Hillary is exactly this: a woman who isn't really comfortable in her own skin, and can't figure out who to be in order to get what she wants, and can't see that what she wants is getting in the way of what's best for her country, her party, and the rest of us.

Larry's post is right on the money.

[kennedy]

Hillary loves herself and we love her. You Obama cult people are the ones who have given over your life to a cult GOD. Stomach turning.

[redstatehell]

Why is Hillary Clinton behaving so badly, recklessly engaging in smear tactics that threaten to split the party in two and turn the millions of newly engaged and energized Democrats into the most cynical and bitter non-voters of all? Simple. In her megalomaniacal mind, she has nothing to lose. Here’s how it shakes out.

Scenario one: Hillary skulks away, Gollum-like, with her precious blood-soaked nomination, convinced in her delusional mind that she can somehow “fix it later” with the voters and win the general election against McCain, a candidate she has already endorsed in her Machiavellian defeat of her rival Obama.

Scenario two: The starry-eyed young voters foolishly nominate Obama anyway. Fatally wounded from Hillary’s attacks, the doomed nominee crawls into the general and loses to the 72-year-old McCain, who will serve one term. During the ensuing four years, Hillary positions herself as the Democrats champion against President McCain and the Republicans, adds to her “experience” in the Senate, and polishes an image for herself as the next Al Gore, the one we should’ve picked, and by 2012 the voters will literally carry her on their shoulders to the White House. She’s waited decades for the Presidency; she can wait four more years if necessary. If we lose the Supreme Court, lose thousands more lives in Iraq, and tell the rest of the world once and for all that we really are as awful as they think we are, that’s not her fault. It’s ours for not accepting the inevitable destiny of President Hillary Clinton.

The problem is that both scenarios will result in a Republican victory and all the horrors that will come with it. It’s clear that Clinton cannot see this. The Democratic party leaders have a duty to the people of this country to stop this slow-motion train wreck before it’s too late. My fear is that it already is.

[w&cheneysuck]

I couldn't agree with you more!

[Bad actor]

Draft Gore! I was born when Herbert Hoover was President and this is the first election that I can recall when "none of the above" should be on the ballot. My fear is that revelations in the Rezko trial will turn over some rocks that will leave Obama looking dirty and devastate the voters who have invested their goodwill in his campaign. On the other hand, when I hear Hillary discuss her insurance plan and its reliance on the insurance companies I choke up. But I resent the sexist tone of Larry's pitch for Obama. I am not Jewish, but I remember the courage and service of Golda Meir to Israel when it required tremendous character and strength and nobody questioned her ability to answer any challenge. To trivialize a woman's emergence as a viable candidate for the office of the President is not a good omen for the recovery of our country after years of Bushism. We should be celebrating the fact that a woman and minority vying for the nomination has lifted a bar at that level and is a positive sign that true democracy lives on.