On the Red Phone

To hear Larry read his post, click the play button below

Here's an idea for an Obama ad: a montage of Clinton's Sybillish personalities that have surfaced during the campaign with a solemn voiceover at the end saying, "Does anyone want this nut answering the phone?"

How is it that she became the one who's perceived as more equipped to answer that 3 a.m. call than the unflappable Obama? He, with the ice in his veins, who doesn't panic when he's losing or get too giddy when he's winning, who's as comfortable in his own skin as she's uncomfortable in hers. There have been times in this campaign when she seemed so unhinged that I worried she'd actually kill herself if she lost. Every day, she reminds me more and more of Adele H., who also had an obsession that drove her insane.

A few weeks ago, I started to feel sorry for her. Oh Christ, let her win already...Who cares...It's not worth it. There's not that much difference between them. She can have it. Anything to avoid watching her descend into madness. So I switched. I started rooting for her. It wasn't that hard. Compromise comes easy to me. I was on board.

And then I saw the ad.

I watched, transfixed, as she took the 3 a.m. call...and I was afraid...very afraid. Suddenly, I realized the last thing this country needs is that woman anywhere near a phone. I don't care if it's 3 a.m. or 10 p.m. or any other time. I don't want her talking to Putin, I don't want her talking to Kim Jong Il, I don't want her talking to my nephew. She needs a long rest. She needs to put on a sarong and some sun block and get away from things for a while, a nice beach somewhere -- somewhere far away, where there are...no phones.

Comments

[PrairieDog]

What if it's 3 a.m. and your lizard brain has reptile disfunction?

[DownwithFearMongers]

Larry david is a god

[starboymikey]

Larry david is a god
_________________________________________________

My guess is he would dispute you on that ... unless you are an attractive young woman :-)

[VosVos]

It's 3AM here, seriously, and I just listened to that and peed myself. I'm not going to answer the phone if it rings and nor should she.

[huffyanika]

Aussi:
Hillary has jettisoned or ignored people -- women. Marian Wright Edelman, who championed child care for working mothers who had been forced off welfare by Bill Clinton; We have no record of what Hillary tried to do to prevent funding childcare from being dropped from that bill, presumably nothing; Edelman's husband resigned his government post due to this terrible, anti-child lapse on the part of the Clintons. (And then Hillary began an article a few days ago on this site, 'My friend, Marian Wright Edelman, and I....' and it was all about how she is for children.)

She cites going to the Women's Conference in Beijing as 'something', as proof of being a feminist; but she seems to have just used that opportunity. (This is known as 'opportunism'.)

She shunned her friend, a black woman who had been almost nominated as Attorney General except when someone read her previous writings and found that some people disagreed; she shunned her in the hall as she was leaving; (sound of brushing off of hands) it seemed she never looked back, just cut her off.

Her notable 'disrespects' are toward women. And children.

[RichLiberal]

Well Larry and your Obamatons, if you all think this is so funny, I highly recommend that you take it to Obama and have him broadcast it.

Let's see if it's as well received as the Sat Nite Live skits. Let's see if Obama gets a 10 point popularity boost for putting this hilarious suggested campaign ad out there.

Do it, do it, do it!!!

I mean if you're nervous about putting in on the major networks, then just put it on HBO or some cable stations. I can't wait to hear the MSM applaud you for your great sense of humor.

[preemptivelove]

we need to stop doing this NOW.

i'm an obama supporter. he needs to pledge to stay above the fray, to stop participating in any of this negativity. this is horrible and will prove disasterous for our party. if we're supposed to be embracing change and a new kind of politics, then we need to stand firmly against the destructive and negative politics.

[NicLuc]

Larry, Larry, Larry. "Sybillish?" Please! I am not saying that Hillary is not shrill and annoying. Lord knows, she is. But calling her range of emotions "Sybillish" is shrill, annoying and sexist too.

Would you call Hamlet, Othello or the actors who play these roles "Sybllish" because they display a wide range of emotion? I'm sure you wouldn't. Obama is pretty darn emotional. But we take it better from him because he's easier on the ears. Easier on the eyes too, for that matter. But turning emotional displays into female pathology is wrong. So wrong.

And come on. Certainly you can't be the only person in the world who's never gone from teary to angry to sarcastic in a nanosecond. I certainly have, and I figure at some point, most of us have too, excepting, of course, the lobotomized.

If all the world's a stage, Hillary is entitled to chew the scenery.

And in spite of everything, I still love you.

[intellichick]

It's been a long time since I heard the term "shrill", like since oh I don't know, the Victorian Era.
God forbid a WOMAN has a power.

[LiamR]

Who needs Ralph Nader when you've got Hillary Clinton promising to sabotage the Democratic Party if she doesn't get her way?

Ms. Clinton talks a lot about a "vetting process" when it comes to Senator Obama, but it is her who is being vetted, and quite ironically, by her own campaign tactics. Do we really want a high-strung, paranoid, and selfishly ambitious president? We already have a lethargic, paranoid, and selfishly ambitious fool in the White House right now.

No it's time that America took a sanity break. Send Ms. Clinton back to the Senate, and plunk her down next to Joe Liebermann where she can do minimal harm. And for damned sure keep her away from any red phones in the vicinity!

[seethruyou]

Larry David is clearly having flashbacks of his home life! Who's REALLY the woman who had "Sybillish" personalites and could become "unhinged", who had an "obsession"?? A woman he used to have to wake up to at 3am! His super unpleasant power obsessed ex wife Laurie David! Relax man, she's GONE, remember? Larry is not neccessarily a misogynist, just transparent.

[intellichick]

sorry to go against the sycohpantic grain here... but OMG! Do I detect a note of misogyny? Right, all women are crazy (rolls eyes). Next you'll be saying, Mr. David, that we can't trust her because she might just answer the "red phone" when she's "on the rag" (hilarity!) and all the as-s-kissers on here will say, "you're sooooo funny and hilarious!"
I like (the cult of) Obama, I do, but he's not as experienced as Hillary. Besides, a middle name like that doesn't have a prayer in the "square states." If we want to beat the Republicans (and god knows I do and by god, I mean that in a secular way)-- Hillary is the best shot (or the Dream Ticket) we have, imho.!!!
Besides, as a new mom, I would be so proud to raise a daughter with a WOMAN president. Imagine what that would do for our sans panty-flashing Spears, Paris Hilton media-whoar, celebutard culture. I mean, a FEMALE could actually be PRESIDENT of the U.S.!
She is NOT crazy -- she's tough and probably has more brass you-know-what's than you and Lewis combined. :P Who else could survive what she went through and do it with such grace?
She's tough, she's smart, she knows policy... I say, give her a chance. And so do a lot of other women.
Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
:-P
/rant

[kreidsy]

I'm so sick of the "I'm voting for her because she's a woman" vibe. And besides, there's no way she could get more than 50% of the vote, right?

[LarBear]

intellichick....
But, But, didn't you know ,McCain has a temper.... Tempers contain NO emotions... Women get hysterical and Emotional... We men are supposed to be Emotionless, unfeeling, robots... Guess I blew it when I told my Son only strong Men cry... Weak ones hide their Emotions (which of course, they don't have)... Men never get Emotional about Football, or Soccer, etc... They just sit there with NO Emotions watching the Game...
No Father ever expressed Emotion towards their child of course... Emotional Men are a Myth...

[BNAUGHTY]

Kuuuuuuudoooosss Liam!!!! Well said.
Additionally, for all of you pretending to be outraged by LD's comments here as somehow being anti-woman... get over yourselves and buff up on your reading comprehension skills!!!
Here is a prime example of exactly what he is talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_mcgO3Iva0

it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with her being a woman, and everything to do with her being a dirty, dishonest, cynical politician.

[Goldie9]

I agree -- Hillary is doing a great job as a US Senator for the state of NY and that's where she should remain in '09, in order to help put through the Dems' plans for changing things like healthcare and withdrawing combat troops from Iraq...

[Ariesjill]

This....may be the ultimate distillation of the Larry David genius: .sardonicism augmenting pithy truth.

My "OMG, Nooooo!!!' moment re now Senator Clinton---for whom I voted---came much earlier. It was during the Monica Mess, wherein.....the only person who, before the emerging of the infamous Blue Dress actually believed Bill.....was poor Hillary.... and this, after mega years of comulsive extra curricular on his behalf!

This---dearth of instinctual acuity is identical to why., though 30% of the electorate ,and triple digit members of Congress got the long term, insidious agenda of the neocons re Iraq clearly.... Hillary did not. Same deal.

Bottom line:no element more nuclear in being a LEADER THAN INTUITIVE ACUITY AND VISION. Imagination: Einstein....pretty smart guy, he was....said it himself. Give that guy the PHONE!

Rabidly personally ambitious bean counter=polar opposite of original sensibility. You bet....the last person we need even in proximity to ANY phone at this juncture....is someone who defines the former.

Bravo, Larry!

[TellitLikeItIs21]

Great idea…finally someone says what I've been wondering all along. I'm not sure why the Obama strategists haven't thought of this or don't want to take this approach. No doubt both Senators Clinton and Obama have achieved several accomplishments during their public service. Some of their record is known to some but a majority of their record is unknown to the casual observer. So it makes sense to go by what we’ve witnessed first hand during this primary season. Based on what we know thus far from their respective campaigns, Senator Obama has clearly demonstrated that he is a better manager, has better judgment, excellent resolve, and so on and so forth. Senator Clinton on the other hand, not so much. At some point (really soon), the Obama camp has to call Billary on all their nastiness, Rovian tactics, lack of self control, and list goes on.

Obama can't keep being Mr. nice guy forever because voters with the Ohio mindset will begin to think he's not a fighter…which is really inaccurate but it is what it is. Some folks wrongly tend to equate a lack of aggressive counterattack as a sign of weakness. Case in point, John Edwards endorsement hold-out because he doesn’t think Sen Obama is tough enough.

The electorate has shown themselves to be uninformed and easily fooled. It is most unfortunate that some democrats can be deceived by Billary's smoking mirrors. No wonder she does better with the "beer drinking" crowd...just like GW Bush did…and see where that got us.

Advice to Obama - stop playing nice. Literally call Billary out on her nasty, deceptive tactics. At this stage in the game, nuances and innuendos will not cut it. Be as literal and vivid as possible...so many voters need to be spoon-fed information. Don't expect everyone to think logically. It cost Senator Kerry the election…don’t let it cost you the nomination.

A montage ad depicting the many faces of Billary will be a good place to start.

[LisaSurfing]

Larry, you inspired me to join youtube and figure out how to make and upload a video. I did - check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2mHktj2_tA

[janmperry]

Great job Lisa!!! Great Job!!! Did you post this on the Obama site?

[LisaSurfing]

Thanks, Jan. I just started a blog over on Obama's site.

[LinkerDNA]

Great work. Love it!!

[PKSSK]

LisaSurfing this is excellent, you have to get it into the right hands so it can be seen by everyone. This clearly demonstrates the difference between the two candidates. GREAT JOB!!!!

[AWest]

Thanks LisaSurfing! Great video! Well done!

Obama 2008!

[SadButWiser]

Nice video.. no spinning, no malice. Just as it was.

[TellitLikeItIs21]

Finally someone says what I've been thinking all along. Great idea...and I'm not sure why the Obama strategists haven't thought of this or don't want to take this approach. Based on what we know from this campaign, Senator Obama has shown that he is a better manager, has better judgement, excellent resolve, and so on and so forth. Senator on the other hand, not so much. At some point (really soon), the Obama camp has to call Billary on all the nastiness, rovian tactics, lack of self control, and list goes on. Obama can't be Mr. nice guy forever because voters with the Ohio mindset will begin to think he's not a fighter. Kinda sad that the majority of the electorate can be fooled by Billary's smoking mirrors. No wonder she does better with the "beer drinking" crowd...just GW Bush did.
Advice to Obama - stop playing nice. Call Billary out. Nuances and innuendos will not cut it. Be as literal as possible...so many voters spoon-fed the logic. Don't expect everyone to think. An montage ad depticting the many faces of Billary will be a good place to start..

[RethinkingOBAMA]

If Obama picks up the red phone I guess he can say "I did'nt vote for the war in Iraq..please leave us alone.". It is amazing that Obama has the audacity of hope that he can win the Presidency even though he has failed to do the job he was elected to do as a Senator .. not a single oversight hearing on Afganistan. Mr all talk no action owes our troops in Afghanistan an apology. The reality is lots of ultra liberals, pacifists, asians (like me), muslims,and some politicians pandering to minority constituents in Michigan and Illinois opposed the war. They were right ...the Iraq war is a debacle. However, the decision to give authority to OUR PRESIDENT was, is, and will always be the right decision. Let us not forget the cold war was won with smoke mirrors,bluffs and constant threat of going to war. Arabs-Israel,North Korea- South Korea, India -Pakistan,NATO-Russia have all used threat of war as a weapon of diplomacy. For any Senator to take this tool away from the President borders on disloyalty to the nation. State Senators and ordinary citizens are at liberty to take any position they choose. To elect a President that has made unilateral disarmement and hugging renegade leaders such as Raul Castro a corner stone of foreign policy is suicidal. Mr Obama,at least show some judgement and don't make public pronouncments. The Russians,Chinese, Indians, Pakistanis, Taliban may be amused by the novelty of Obama..but respect is another story. The likes of Putin will chew up Obama. Perhaps the Face-booking youth are not aware that we emerged as a super power from WWII which resulted in economic prosperity. A self declared pacifist Obama presidency will be disastrous to our economy.

[RobHoff]

Negative - this President, who has a long history of the reverse midas touch and poor judgement, should not have received any more power and authority whatsoever. I am a veteran of the cold war (submarines) and respect a strong military and smart diplomatic corp but having said that I am totally disheartened at the current position this country is in because of fools like President Bush and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

We have blown it in Afghanistan and Iraq, and Columbia for that matter, due to our strategic blunders in foreign policy. Our Country's coffers are spent, we're needing $2 billion a day in foreign capital to stay afloat, the burn rate is somewhere way in excess of that, the printing presses are running full tilt producing weaker and weaker dollars and unfortunately Ms. Clinton has helped shaped this situation by the manipulation of Washington insiders such as Mark Penn and the Carlyle group - she really does need to fade away, we need a clean sweep of our government including the 4th branch - the press ie corporate control.

[dartagnan]

Read your Constitution -- the war-making power is vested SOLELY in Congress. The fact that Congress in recent years has abrogated its constitutional responsibility does not change that. The Founders wisely realized that to put the war-making power in the hands of one man would invite dictatorship.

Also, Obama is not a pacifist.

[evdebs]

I got the 3AM call the other day..it was my frickin' sister in Indiana that forgot about the 3 hour time difference..again....Thank you Larry David!

[Shantee]

I want to know why you yanked the montage of the many faces of Hillary that was posted with Larry's article....You owe your readers an explanation.

[NoCorporatePersonhood]

I don't know that I am owed an explanation but I do remember seeing the montage.

[sugarbox]

Alright.... I think I found a video that embodies Larries ad idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QfvFCHOFi0

*second attempt to post^

[LinkerDNA]

Do I want to have her answer that phone? Hell no!!