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Waiting for Nov. 4th
I can't take much more of this. Two weeks to go, and I'm at the end of my rope. I can't work. I can eat, but mostly standing up. I'm anxious all the time and taking it out on my ex-wife, which, ironically, I'm finding enjoyable. This is like waiting for the results of a biopsy. Actually, it's worse. Biopsies only take a few days, maybe a week at the most, and if the biopsy comes back positive, there's still a potential cure. With this, there's no cure. The result is final. Like death.
Five times a day I'll still say to someone, "I don't know what I'm going to do if McCain wins." Of course, the reality is I'm probably not going to do anything. What can I do? I'm not going to kill myself. If I didn't kill myself when I became impotent for two months in 1979, I'm certainly not going to do it if McCain and Palin are elected, even if it's by nefarious means. If Obama loses, it would be easier to live with it if it's due to racism rather than if it's stolen. If it's racism, I can say, "Okay, we lost, but at least it's a democracy. Sure, it's a democracy inhabited by a majority of disgusting, reprehensible turds, but at least it's a democracy." If he loses because it's stolen, that will be much worse. Call me crazy, but I'd rather live in a democratic racist country than a non-democratic non-racist one. (It's not exactly a Hobson's choice, but it's close, and I think Hobson would compliment me on how close I've actually come to giving him no choice. He'd love that!)
The one concession I've made to maintain some form of sanity is that I've taken to censoring my news, just like the old Soviet Union. The citizenry (me) only gets to read and listen to what I deem appropriate for its health and well-being. Sure, there are times when the system breaks down. Michele Bachmann got through my radar this week, right before bedtime. That's not supposed to happen. That was a lapse in security, and I've had to make some adjustments. The debates were particularly challenging for me to monitor. First I tried running in and out of the room so I would only hear my guy. This worked until I knocked over a tray of hors d'oeuvres. "Sit down or get out!" my host demanded. "Okay," I said, and took a seat, but I was more fidgety than a ten-year-old at temple. I just couldn't watch without saying anything, and my running commentary, which mostly consisted of "Shut up, you prick!" or "You're a fucking liar!!!" or "Go to hell, you cocksucker!" was way too distracting for the attendees, and finally I was asked to leave.
Assuming November 4th ever comes, my big decision won't be where I'll be watching the returns, but if I'll be watching. I believe I have big jinx potential and may have actually cost the Dems the last two elections. I know I've jinxed sporting events. When my teams are losing and I want them to make a comeback, all I have to do is leave the room. Works every time. So if I do watch, I'll do it alone. I can't subject other people to me in my current condition. I just don't like what I've turned into -- and frankly I wasn't that crazy about me even before the turn. This election is having the same effect on me as marijuana. All of my worst qualities have been exacerbated. I'm paranoid, obsessive, nervous, and totally mental. It's one long, intense, bad trip. I need to come down. Soon.
Are you suffering from Election Anxiety? How has the election impacted your life? Tell HuffPost, and we may just quote you! Tell us your stories using this Survey Monkey form.
Related: Richard Lewis: And Larry David Thinks He's Frightened?
Related: Albert Brooks: Not to Worry
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Good news Larry, President Obama!
We need an update, feeling better now?
I have "election elbow." I really do. It is like "tennis elbow" but it is caused from the Huffington Post, CNN, and various Electoral map sites. My arm hurts like hell ... my right arm ... the "mouse" arm. My husband just called. I am supposed to be cleaning the house (it looks like hell). I lied. He said, "You better not be in "analysis paralysis" (meaning that I can't move because I am stuck in front of the computer doing electoral map calculations). I better go ... he'll be home soon and I don't want to get "caught."
Don't think that Americans are alone in this. In Canada, we're studying your election like my brother studied for his Bar Mitzvah. The anxiety is high, but we're hoping for a big pay day. Four more years of Republican war-mongering spells trouble for Canadian Armed Forces in Afghanistan, not to mention continued instability worldwide. Hey, we know we aren't in charge of anything. We're that nudnik next-door neighbor who stops to chat when you're late for work, the yenta who calls you up to tell you that your cat threw up on her lawn. Still, we mean well, and we're hoping that the Americans make the intelligent choice.
In Canada, federal elections last 30 days-- like a bikini wax, one good rip and it's over. That two-year Extreme Brazilian must be a real bummer.
I clocked out early, voted early, only watching the results now.
ICE, Larry and all Larry's fans.... if stress makes you eat and you hate the thought of McCain Palin making you fatter and more likely to die of a stroke or heart attack, may I recommend what I've discovered, get you some unsweetened tea, great eating ice, (like Sonic ice) and some splenda with one gram of fiber per pkg. Stir well and enjoy. The ice gives you something to crunch and the fiber in the tea will help offset the high fat of whatever real foods you're over eating as you read this.
My favorite stress-eating foods both seem to be red, grape tomatoes and fresh strawberries. Not together, but you can nosh on them for days without gaining an ounce around your middle.
Also - I bought two bottles of champagne today. One in case Obama wins and I get to celebrate. Two in case the republicans steal this election and I need to get drunk off my tail.
Another week, Lord, lord how can we survive another week.
don't watch, please don't jinx!
Embed:
Until Nov. 5th:
In the background noise at the edge of your conscious mind:
An endless loop in the most deeply reassuring and powerful voice you imagine:
PRESIDENT OBAMA.
On Sunday, 10/26, I signed up for an 'event' and volunteered for the "Barack Obama's Campaign for Change..." I called [from home] registered voters in an "Indiana Outreach" -- encouraging supporters to vote early! The website voting application/tool is user friendly and sophisticated: the polling address was listed based on the citizen's address; (a couple of supporters moved and did not update their address -- so I had an opportunity to inform them to change/prove residency ASAP or lose their opportunity to vote) there are radio buttons for voter's who need rides to the polls, for leaning/strong support for the Jill Long Thompson or Mitchell Daniels (Dem/Rep respectively); willingness to volunteer, drop down for your contact success or why you are not comfortable calling the next person on the list (which automatically populates on the screen). I spoke with a 92 year old woman who informed me, "Honey, you know, I am voting for Barack Obama!"
People were elated that they were getting a call -- anxious to vote early -- some announced proudly they already voted... I detected pride and a sense of social responsibility/duty. I did my part... I also wanted to have a story to tell in any space and later in my lifetime... I encourage every one to sign up for an event. It was a wonderful and obviously remarkable experience. I'm going to do it again! Go Obama/Biden 08!
Larry, I feel your pain and curse while hors d’oeurvre-spilling, but I have even more reasons for neuroticism during this election.
My life is actually worse than yours, Larry. Not only do I not get to annoy an ex-wife, but my husband has left me for the campaign!
No, he’s not trying to find himself, although that would be nice-- he’s volunteering for Obama in another state. If anyone knows otherwise, please keep it to yourself-- as long as he keeps sending checks for the rent, I don’t want to know.
Neurotic over the campaign is the least of my worries. Since becoming an Obama widow, I am now also obsessed with my sense of sheer womanhood.
For instance, how can I be sure he actually sure that’s what he’s doing? True, he took amazing photos at a Biden rally, and there was that Hallmark card with the kitten that said he missed me, postmarked from where he said it would be.
But I’m jealous and worried, Larry. I stare at the Obama poster on my husband’s empty office door alone, watch CNN alone, and watch your show, alone!
I even mimick Obama when he speaks at rally’s and check myself in the mirror to remind myself that while I’m certainly no Obama, that I’m still a looker in my own right.
So Larry, maybe by learning about my suffering, you can feel better about your own plight .Or maybe, now you’ll worry about me now as well.
Loved your comment! My husband thinks I've lost my mind over this election and about how seriously I'm taking it, but, hey, this IS serious!
I can really relate to what Mr. David said. I'm very ready for the morning of Nov 5th to dawn.
Months ago when I was paying $5 a gallon for gasoline my Republican friends bet me I'd be paying only $2 at the pump by election day. Wasn't it Fitzgerald who said, "The Republicans are different from you and me?" And wasn't it Hemingway who replied, "Yeah, they're smarter?"
Sterling Greenwood/Aspen Free Press
Ha Ha, That's rich ! Rebuplicans ARE smarter if you don't sweat the thinking process. One of the right wing blatherers favorite name calling is to label POCs (People of Concience) as "Knee Jerk Liberals". I've never understood this. The very reason that collages and newspapers are called liberal is that you are REQUIRED to carefully consider all points of view and present all the facts before forming a opinion. The extreme Right, of course, needs no time at all to form an opinion on even the most complex subjects. They just whip out their pocket copy of Mao Tse-Reagan's Little Red Book and there you have it. All research time can then be spent trying to justify your opinion instead of wasting time considering the evidence.
I predict Brzezinski will win the election!
If the dems want to take our guns we loose.
Did you get lost? This isn't National Review.
What do the mean the dem's? McCain was on the cover of NRA rags (Freedom First, etc) at least three times as a gun grabber too. I'm telling you the CFR's got us by the dingdong for the next four years no matter what. The international bankers are demolishing our currency. We're screwed because most Americians think this is a football game and there are only two teams to cheer for.
Now, pay attention...I'll try to speak slowly.
NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE YOUR GUNS. You need to change the channel...FOX/FAUX News will rot your brain. They are feeding you lies and just trying to scare you. Don't give in. Fight the fear. You've found Huffington Post, and you should do more reading here. You'll be fine.
Educate yourself. Vote for Obama. We're taking our country back, and things are going to be okay. You'll see.
So good I started to become a fan of yours and realized - I already am a fan of yours. You're really good. :)
After 8 Years of Cerirbral Masturbation, I'd vote for Nixon if he was on the Democratic Ticket! Compared to the Neo-Cons, He's like a Combination of Mother Theresa and Einstein...............
Larry...I'm totally with you, guy. I've been freaking out over this election way too long. I got an email the other day from the Obama folks telling me I was one of the first 100,000 contributors to his campaign. That made me feel good (hey, every $100.00 counts, right?) I started researching this amazing man right after I heard him speak at the 2004 convention and began telling anyone who would listen right after. Nobody thought he had a chance in hell (especially my black neighbor across the street who has seen it all in her 70+ years as you can understand). But I've got to give people credit...which I rarely do. What's that saying? People. So estimable in the individual, so execrable in the masses. Love that. You're NOT alone.
SO glad this post is still up! For me, it will be one of the best reads of the general election.
Thanks again Larry.
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