Internet Safety Belongs at Colbert's March to Keep Fear Alive

If you're reading, Stephen Colbert, please sign me up as a speaker at the March to Keep Fear Alive that you're holding on Oct. 30 at the same time as Jon Stewart's Sanity Rally.

I want to tell the crowd how the Internet is endangering -- no, destroying -- our children. I want to make sure everyone knows that kids who go online are in imminent danger of being immediately kidnapped and possibly pulverized by Internet predators. I'll also talk about how pornography is eroding their morals and causing acne.

While I'm at it, I think I'll talk a little about the epidemic of cyberbullying, reminding the crowd that about the only thing that kids are posting online is harassing, cruel and mean diatribes against their peers.

And let's not forget sexting. As every parent knows, just as the Internet is for porn, cell phone cameras are for turning America's children into creators, distributors and collectors of child porn -- i.e. pictures of themselves. It's only a matter of time before we put every kid in America on a sex offender registry.

I will also warn people about the dangers of Google Street view which allows predators half way around the world to pinpoint neighborhoods with children. Never mind that it's not real time and that predators don't really operate that way -- what's important is that it's really scary.

Let's not forget that Facebook has totally destroyed privacy. Thanks to Facebook, no one has any secrets and practically all kids in America have shown the world their evil selves. Come to think of it, this could be a good thing. Now that every teen has been depicted drinking and carousing, colleges have an excuse to turn them all away. This could save billions in government subsidies to higher education. Maybe we could even save localities money by kicking them out of high school.

Thank you Stephen. You are continuing the traditions of Joseph McCarthy, J. Edgar Hoover and other great Americans. Let's hear it for scaring the crap out of everyone, especially parents.

Note: When he's not foaming at the mouth of about the inevitable decay of society, Larry Magid is co-director of ConnectSafely.org, a non-profit organization that tries to promote a calm, rational and research-based approach to youth online risk.

 

Follow Larry Magid on Twitter: www.twitter.com/larrymagid

Comments

[UncleHomer]

09:59 AM on 09/20/2010

They way things are going right now it might be just you and me there.

I had to search hard to even find your column on the HP and I haven't seen any updates.

Here's a site dedicated to the rallies and its barely getting off the ground

http://www.rallymao.com/forum/index.php

We could make this a fun, happy, courageous political Woodstock and I'm afraid its slipping through our fingers.

[Larry Magid]

11:17 AM on 09/20/2010

Sorry you had to look so hard to find this column. I've seen plenty of articles about the rallies and, of course, Stewart and Colbert will likely to continue to promote them on their shows.

[merlinspinoza]

03:07 AM on 09/20/2010

need to mention my plan for Colbert [ pronounced coal bear ]

and Stew art : dueling march on pakistan

restoring honor to victims i'm hiring Noah's ark

meanwhile Colbert is shouting haha at victims where's your god now

[merlinspinoza]

02:59 AM on 09/20/2010

technology i reckon that's what tech means use of things ,made possible by scientists, by engineers

tech is not a substitute for consciousness but we beleive the computer is like the brain so on e.g. facebook we are like talking to ourself

tech seems to be increasing stress

unless stress is lowered through meditation " technology of consciousness " " technology of the unified field " TRANSCENDENTAL meditation tm.org advances in material tech is outstripping advances in consciousness i.e. the spiritual machinery see Huffpost living section

unless tech peopel have a natural sensitivity to spiritualty and moral and ethical standards
then some maybe like klingons on a space shipp

that simply cant happen in the real world that such highly evolved technology would be in the hands of the Taliban ?

why did artists write a script in which barbarians own a spaceship ?

indeed it is happy world devoid of problems

e.g. quantum computers would be nice but who is going to use them first : Pentagon and CIA and FBI

[Angel Whitebird]

07:49 PM on 09/18/2010

Any responsible parent with a brain in his or her head would be monitoring their kids internet and phone use.There are so many measures that can be used to nip this in the bud.Internet has also been proven ( used correctly) that it can serve as a very helpful and educational tool.Like everything else,use your common sense and teach your children.The internet has blown more truths out of the water than any time in history..And used correctly , it can empower a child!

[Larry Magid]

11:19 AM on 09/20/2010

You are correct that parents need to put thought into how to best protect their children online but not all kids need close monitoring. It depends on a lot of factors including age, maturity and their risk-taking. We have plenty of advice for parents at ConnectSafely.org and SafeKids.com

[oneyippie]

03:14 PM on 09/18/2010

Someone needs to scare parents about the EVILS of cannabis. Pot smoking hippie parents (and grandparents now) need to realize that green stuff they've been toking since the 60s is really bad stuff out to get their children and turn them into pot zombies!

So instead of being stoned, parents need to scared!

Cannabis is out to get your kids by getting them hooked on pot instead of alcohol, tobacco, methamphetamine, cocaine, crack, heroin and prescription drugs! We can't let that happen!

What would become of the tobacco, alcohol and big pharma if we let kids smoke pot like their parents did? It would be awful to lose these important "health oriented" industries!

Why don't people know that cannabis can relieve the symptoms of autism and actually save kids lives? We don't want that! We want them filled with prescription drugs the rest of their lives!

[SEO Agency]

04:33 AM on 09/18/2010

I assume from the context of this post that there is more than a tinge of irony and sarcasm here. However, as someone who has had a family member bullied and intimaidated through Facebook in a work situation, then I think people need to take a real hard look at the potential implications of it, and its morals. Internet security is a particular strength of our business and the amoutn of companies who are not protected through their websites - in the UK - is frightening. Most companies are not even aware what internet security actually is or does and have never heard of terms like "penetration testing" and "brute forcing", in this context. People believe they are safe by putting captcha images on forms - they are not. There is no point in us taking a high ground attitude to this, simply to say that by simply checking your security you can do pretty much what you like on the net, without fear or intimidation.

[Larry Magid]

06:42 AM on 09/18/2010

Never my intention to claim that there is no risk at all but there are those who blow it out of statistical proportion. Sorry about your family member's situation. If you have similar problems that involve youth, please feel free to contact our forum at www.connectsafely.org. We can often help resolve them or at least shed some light on the problem.

Best,

Larry

[ThinkShackleton]

12:42 PM on 09/17/2010

Back in my day, we just had them evil video arcades (and bullies who used fists). But you're right, this here system of tubes is much more dangerous. I'm wasting too much time on it today myself.

But ya know what the scariest thing about it? This will blow your mind: the best way to spread fear of the internet is on the internet!
;)

[cambridge02140]

12:14 PM on 09/17/2010

You forgot to mention that horrible internet meme called "Talk like a Pirate Day".

It's turning our kids into guys who wear eye makeup and act drunk all the time!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGH!!!!!

[Julia Bailey]

01:24 PM on 09/18/2010

Yes, but they are helping combat global warming and the Flying Spaghetti Monster approves.