Stories from the Line

I was in India when the strike started. (That's right, India. Not Indianapolis; India.)

Magnificent place, India, by the way. It was my first time, I was there for a part in a movie, and I was constantly touched by their ancient civilization, their instinctive feeling for the spirit world, and the purity of their smiles. Little annoyances along the way, like the air being ninety-seven percent fecal matter, and the crew picking their feet on set and then looking at it -- closely -- were easy to forget once the charm and rhythm of daily life became second nature.

Yes, all the American actors and director and d.p. were in cheerful agreement that the whole trip was a great opportunity to learn and embrace, especially once we all stopped taking the malaria medicine and returned to heavy drinking.

I think I was a great ambassador for our country, too; or, at least, I don't recall any fistfights right after I left a room.

The one tart moment I allowed myself occurred two sips into my third drink one night (whiskey, neat: You really, really don't want anything to do with their water or ice) when the waiter asked how I liked working there in Mumbai, and did I know they had changed the name from Bombay a few years before? I asked if the famous gin company also had to change their name; say, to Boodles. He laughed (I think) and said that some people still liked calling the city Bombay.

I picked up my drink and stood, and put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Buddy, it's your home, and you have the right to call it anything you want. Period. However, if you don't mind my saying, I think a little less time on the naming committee, and a couple of more toilets built, might be the right direction for the government to move." The next day the strike started.

My wife, Eileen Conn, is a multi-award-winning TV writer (It drives her nuts when I say that, but it's my article and I'll say what I want; let her get her own column). She was out picketing from the start, every day, and kept me informed. And when I returned, the day before Thanksgiving, I joined the line, too, every day.

Eileen is more adventurous and goes on shoots and climbs trees and such, but I like CBS Radford, because -- well, it's near our house, that's why, and isn't that the most important thing? (We all know where our friends will be picketing from where they live. "Of course you're at Paramount; you live on Wilcox.") The boldest I've gotten so far is switching to the back entrance of Radford on Colfax. As you've probably heard, the Colfax people can be pretty wild. They walk slower and even -- sometimes -- chant.

After a day or two a van pulled up with strike t-shirts, and they gave me one, and I was pretty proud and still wear it. Funny thing about those t-shirts, though, and let's be honest: There are a lot more XXL's than you probably find at a mineworker's strike.

-2-

I mean, we writers, men and women alike, kind of start at large, don't we? We're not small or medium people, whereas most coal miners are built like Christian Bale.

Now, when I was still in India, the producer came up to me one day on the set and asked about the strike. He's Indian, and lived in Hollywood for a while, and we've worked together before; and he's been very successful in both places.

He asked how the strike was going, and I told him I'd let him know next time I talked to my wife, especially if he wanted to pay for the phone call. He laughed, but his heart wasn't in it. But that's okay.

Then he said, "You know, there's an old story about Louie B. Mayer..." (You've all probably heard this one by now, but I hadn't. I don't even know if it was Mayer or not -- Good Lord, I almost called him "Mr. Mayer". What's wrong with us?)

He told me, "Mayer said to his executives one day, 'Boys, when I call a plumber to the house to build a toilet for me, I don't pay him every time I pee in it.'"

And the producer smiled and watched for my reaction. I laughed and smiled, and nodded and said, "Oh, that's great. It's witty. No, I guess no one would pay each time, would he?"

He was very pleased with himself, and relaxed a little, and that's what I was waiting for. So I leaned in and said, "But it's not very accurate, is it? If you think about it, it's not the same thing at all. Supposing the producer was buying toilets to sell to people, or took the plumber's design and made others, and said it was his because he couldn't do it himself, or supposing he charged people ten dollars each time they peed? Or supposing the people only wanted to use the toilet once and then insisted on a new one? Or supposing the plumber only got a chance to make three toilets his whole career? None of these images is precise, either, but making and selling stories in our business is more complicated than toilets, and we all need each other for a far longer time. No, it's really not the same thing at all, is it?"

Now it was my turn to watch for his reaction, and we looked at each other, and finally he said, "No, I guess it's not." Then he checked his watch and said, "Think I'll see how the shot is going. Sometimes the local crews are a little slow."

That's why I walk, folks, because even in India, a place that has a shattering kind of poverty, someone tells a story about not paying writers, and then laughs about it. How many of us for the last twenty, fifty, a hundred years... writers and actors, performers, creative people of all stripes... spending the last decades of life living on less and less every day, while at the same instant new generations enjoy their work and are moved, and laugh and cry... and someone, somewhere, makes more and more?

-3-

I may not know much, but here's what I know: Somebody's making a lot of money here, and it's not us. We're not the ones who left the table. We're not the ones sitting back in a lawnchair like Cornwallis under an awning on a hilltop, observing the battle and drinking tiny cups of chocolate before yawning and deciding where to attack next. We're not the ones saying, "No, it's all mine, and you get none of it."

Maybe we should tell the producers, look, fellas: You build the stadium, you sell the tickets, you hire the vendors, you pick the colors, you form the league, you hire the umps, you make the rules, and do all the other vitally important things an owner does. Okay?

And then we'll come in with our bats and gloves and get hits. Because that's the way it works, and that's how you play ball. We can all do this together, and that's what will happen eventually, but why wait? Like an argument in a marriage, you can start talking again in ten minutes, or ten hours, or ten days. Or ten months.

Why not try ten minutes?

By the way, I've washed that t-shirt plenty of times since I got it, and it hasn't shrunk at all. Fits good, too. Fits mighty good. Next time that van comes around, I think maybe I'll try a triple.

Read more strike coverage on the Huffington Post's writers' strike page.

Comments

[LoRiseAntlers]

The problem the writers have is that no one cares about the strike.The public has the perception that this is just a herd of rich Hollywood types trying to beat each other over the head for more money,and that's if they think about it at all.

I think the WGA needs to mount an aggressive publicity campaign.The union really needs to engage the television viewing audience,the majority of which don't watch the news,or read papers,and who tend to do the same online.I think if the union would mount an aggressive agitprop campaign that really brought home the fact that any decent TV is about to go away for a very long time,and got the mainstream suffenciently angered about it,the strike would be settled quite rapidly.

[TheGreatOneFan]

Larry, good Blog. First time I'm reading you.
The strike will end, and every one will forget what happened a year from now.
"In 500 years we will not exist"

[flanardiente]

A better analogy to the Louis B Mayer story would be: Make one copy of the movie, put it in your library, never show it to anyone but yourself--and I'll take what you pay me, gladly. But make thousands of copies of it, show it around the world, put it on DVD and sell it around the world--I'd like to share in those profits, because those are my words and my story that people are buying. What the studios and producers are doing is no different from what the pirate-DVD labs in China are doing. And, man, do the studios squawk about that.

I don't know if Larry Miller is a Republican or a rockhard rightwinger. If he is, he's that rarest of breed--a genuinely funny one.

[impatient]

I seem to recall that Larry Miller is a pretty rabid Republican, and a strong Bush supporter. That being the case, I find it rather difficult to accept his current about face at the picket lines.

Jeeze, Larry. Could you be a little more hypocritical?

When the strike is over are you going to be working for another tax cut for the rich?

[DuQuesne]

Wow, a Republican on a picket line, who would have thunk it?
As usual, the conservative bullshit goes out the window when it's YOUR money on the line, huh, Larry?
What about the FREE MARKET, Larry? You are the BIG BUSINESS guys!
And, of course, I guess you figure our children are being killed and maimed in Iraq so they don't come over here and suicide bomb the picket line.
Note to Chris Kelly: Keep your eye on this guy. I think he's a AMPTP spy.

[stop7997]

Excellent post. Very funny and poignant. I understand, Mr. Miller, that you write for a conservative magazine: "The Weekly Standard". I wonder if you have shared your insights with them. Next time you're in the company of your WS colleagues, you might ask them why they want -- more than life itself -- to destroy unions.

[vernonlee]

Here's me blowing smoke up your ass. (Hey, you started the toiled business.)

I was just watching you on TV last night - an episode of Law & Order - and thinking, Larry Miller should get more credit for being such a good actor.

So thanks for the quality work - comedy, drama, writing.

[RabbiReport]

Rats. The formatting was all screwed up. Well, you get the point!

[RabbiReport]

There Is Power In A Union

by Billy Bragg

There is power in a factory, power in the land
Power in the hand of the worker
But it all amounts to nothing if together we don't stand
There is power in a Union

Now the lessons of the past were all learned with workers blood
The mistakes of the bosses we must pay for
From the cities and the farmlands to trenches full of mud
War has always been the bosses way, sir

The Union forever,defending our rights
Down with the blackleg,all workers unite
With our brothers and our sisters from many far-off lands
There is power in a Union

Now I long for the morning that they realise
Brutality and unjust laws cannot defeat us
But who'll defend the workers who cannot organise
When the bosses send their lackeys out to cheat us?

Money speaks for money,the Devil for his own
Who comes to speak for the skin and the bone?
What a comfort for the widow,a light to the child
There is power in a Union

The Union forever,defending our rights
Down with the blackleg,all workers unite
With our brothers and our sisters together we will stand
There is power in a Union

[PerryWhite]

"However, if you don't mind my saying, I think a little less time on the naming committee, and a couple of more toilets built, might be the right direction for the government to move."

Which would produce more toilets - the Louie B. Mayer
model or the WGA model?

[provgrays]

In this winner take all socity, the winners are never happy unless they take all. You're on the right side, Larry.

I have never watched you work and failed to laugh. You're a great artist.

The writers aren't just fighting for themselves, but for every worker who deserves a better shake.

[heywhat]

There are a lot of important issues in the current strike that deserve discussion, not the least of which is fair pay; however, I do think that "creatives" should realize that there are risks in building the stadium. Also, some of the stadium owners while not being "creative" do nurture projects, do go to bat for writers, performers and others who are of so much more worth to the world than those who only provide money and distribution channels.

Writers say they want respect - well, forget for a moment that I don't think union negotiations are the proper forum for obtaining respect - but they offer so little of it to others. So many posts I have read talk about how it all starts with the word - yes, it does but it doesn't end with the word. It is a collaborative process and part of that collaboration is money for development; development that quite often leads nowhere.

There are profits there and they should be shared and shared fairly but, please, give just a little credit to the person who brings the financing to the table.

[writerjohnny]

The only reason plumbers, steel workers, hospital workers, teachers, truck drivers and government employees make living wages is because at some point their unions had to strike for fair wages. It's also why fast food and big box store workers DON'T make a living wage. The only hope for capitalism and the capitalists at the top of the food chain is if they respect the other 90% of us enough(and not just here in the US)to share enough. Support ALL unions! Support the WRITERS. Where can we buy the t-shirts?

[Metacortex]

I support the writers. I don't own a TV. And will only watch movies on my laptop by those on the writer side of the strike. The writers depend on everyone if they are to succeed.

[csavage]

I tell you what, you guarantee I get paid for every patient I see and I'll care if you get your residuals. There's nothing like spending $20,000 to defend yourself from a frivolous lawsuit from a patient you saw for free. 10-20% of all doctor's patients never pay them, ever. This includes the insured ones who have no intention of meeting their insurance deductibles.