Tyger, Tyger, Burning Bright

I was reading about that San Francisco Zoo tiger thing the other day.

It actually was the other day, because I save old newspapers. Not forever, or a lot of them, and not like those slightly hermitic older folks whose apartments devolve into labyrinthine tunnels between stacks of Look and Boys Life; but sometimes I'll save the L.A. Times for a week or two. I like newspapers and wish every city still had ten of them. I can read the parts I missed days or weeks later, and never fail to feel interested and informed. (Even the headlines often go down easier when they've had a chance to decant.) So there's always a foot or two of newspapers in our pantry.

As you may imagine, my wife loves this habit, and tries to encourage it at every turn. Of course, the Divine Mrs. M. and I are so perfectly matched anyway (like the folks who make it through the SAT exams at eHarmony), if it weren't for the newspapers I save, the only thing we'd have left to argue about is whose method of loading the dishwasher is correct and whose is wrong. (We had a brisk set-to on that one this morning.)

But I digress.

So I was reading about the tiger who jumped the enclosure and killed that guy at the zoo, and two things made me stop and think. First, apparently they were taunting the tiger. Now, there were rumors circulating at the time that they had slingshots or something, or crossbows; or catapults of plague-infected horses and burning pitch, or molten metal, or -- Oh, wait, that's the Hunchback of Notre Dame -- but these all turned out to be untrue. Regardless, we're left with this concept of "taunting". And I've heard people say, "Well, you know how boys are. They're bound to taunt things".

And I thought: No. Hold it. Why? No one is "bound" to taunt things. I didn't taunt things. I don't like people who "taunt" things, whether animals or other people. What does "taunt" even mean? Webster's says it's "to reproach with scornful or insulting words; to jeer at; to upbraid; to deride; to tease; to drive or provoke (a person) by taunting."

Or a tiger? (By the way, I always have a dictionary nearby. I hate spellcheckers. I hate the computer telling me what to do, and I don't need its help if it thinks I'm writing a letter.) For God's sake, how do you even taunt a tiger? "Hey, stripey, what's the matter, couldn't make up your mind which color you wanted? Heh-heh-heh-heh." Wasn't there an old cartoon from the forties about a trip through a zoo, and the narrator finds a kid poking a stick through the bars at the lion, and he says something like, "Say, son, don't poke that lion. You'll be sorry." The kid slinks off, but then is back later doing the same thing, and then the third time (you know comedy; three's the charm), the kid's inside the smiling lion's belly and says, "I'm a baaaaaad boy."

Look, I'm horrified that fellow met his end in this way, and I'm sure you are, too, and I'm sorry for his parents and loved ones. Taunting or not, the penalty shouldn't be to go out like the slowest antelope at the fringe of the herd. I can just hear the tiger thinking, "Hey, I've been drunk, too, but these guys are begging for it."

But, no, it's not okay or "boyish" or "typical" to find fun and humor in "taunting" something or someone. It's not funny, and it's just plain wrong. I never thought it was funny my whole life, whether I was ten or twenty or thirty, or even today, at thirty-six. (Just wanted to see if you were still listening.)

By the way, whatever other structural flaws can be attributed to boys and what they grow into a few years later, if you're looking for the real dictionary definition of taunting, try watching twelve-year-old girls deal with each other sometime.

THE SECOND THOUGHT I had from this story, and not for the first time, is about zoos themselves: I don't get them. I never got the "zoo concept", not as a kid, not as a young, sophisticated rake and roué, and certainly not now as the bon vivant and boulevardier I've become. (Yeah, Ventura Boulevard.)

Really, though, I don't get the point of zoos or why people like them. I've been to the Bronx Zoo (though not since fifth grade), and the San Diego Zoo, and a variety of other things with animals those of us with kids are forced to find ourselves doing, and I don't get it. What are we looking at? Sure, in the twelfth century in Ukraine, maybe it was interesting to see a molting camel from a traveling circus on Festivus, but don't we have better things to do today? Can't classrooms get all the information and footage they need from computers? I'm pretty sure the seals didn't ask to be moved to Indianapolis.

And let me be clear on something: Even if they did ask to be moved, I wouldn't go see them. You ever set foot in a monkey house? It smells like -- well, a monkey house.

I very clearly remember being back in New York on a job in the nineties and strolling through the Central Park Zoo on a summer's day looking through a thick, temperature-controlled glass wall at a polar bear swimming back and forth under water in what seemed to me to be a very small space. This thing kept swimming in the exact same arc, from one exact spot to another; and I mean to tell you it didn't vary an inch. And I remember thinking two things: 1) I may not know much about animals, but I think this thing is losing its mind, and 2) Why aren't I across the street at the bar of the Pierre pretending to be continental?

After a couple at the Pierre, I thought, wait a minute, maybe I know more about animals than I thought. Maybe I have it backwards. Maybe the animals know we're looking, and just looking is taunting. Maybe that's why I don't like zoos.

HOLLYWOOD IS OFTEN a bit of a petting zoo itself, isn't it? Especially when a star dies. They're on display then, too, in cages, but they can't fight back; and we all go to that zoo. Oh, yes, all of us. We all gawk, and we all leer; and sometimes people taunt, and sometimes they poke. It's not the journalists' fault, either, you know. We're all in that one together.

I was lucky enough to work with Heath Ledger in Ten Things I Hate About You, and even then on that location people were saying, Oh, this guy's going to be big, but all I knew was he had the sweetest, most genuine smile I ever saw. Even a chat on the set or later in looping wasn't even about the chat to me. It was all about that smile, which I can still see. I can see it right now. I hope we don't poke him too much in the weeks to come.

He was the "tyger", you see. Take a look at that Blake poem again sometime:

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright

In the forests of the night

What immortal hand or eye

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

It's raining outside again; pretty hard, too. I think I'll grab one of those old newspapers from the pantry and see what's up.

After all, there was a headline on one I saw the other day about the Gulf of Tonkin that looked like it might be important.

Comments

[celiedh]

Larry, this is off topic, but on the release of "Blonde Ambition" on DVD, I thought you might be interested in these gracious comments offered by Jessica Simpson about yourself:

VB: Tell me about working in a comedy with such established funny men as Larry Miller...
SIMPSON: Larry Miller is a genius at comedy. I feel that a lot of my strongest scenes in the movie are with him, because I can play off his energy. It was so much fun for me. He gave me a chance to react to him and not just act out the role of Katie.
VB: In an interview, he said that it’s rare in his career that he can be in a movie with someone like Jessica Simpson and come off like a desirable middle-aged man.
SIMPSON: (Laughs) He had me laughing a lot while we were making the movie.

[celiedh]

Now I've got William Blake on the brain.

From Mad Magazine:

"Tigers, Tigers, burning bright,
In the ballparks of the night
Your pitching's fine, your fielding adroit,
So why no pennants for Detroit?"

And these immortal words from "Bull Durham:"

Annie: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. William Blake.
Crash: William Blake?
Annie: William Blake!
Crash: William Blake?!
Annie: William Blake!
Crash: What do you mean William Blake?
Annie: I mean William Blake!

[twofish]

From a different poem by Blake:

A robin red breast in a cage
Puts all of Heaven in a rage

[FreeThinkn1]

Zoos have little oversight from the USDA and as you may have learned from the San Francisco incident the American Zoo and Aquarium Association has lax guidelines for accreditation. It's a common misconception that zoos help to preserve endangered species and educate children. Many species do not breed successfully in captivity—especially the larger animals like elephants and marine mammals. This forces most zoos to obtain their collection directly from the wild and money that could be spent on habitat preservation is spent on zoo operating costs. Most zoos operate at a deficit and must obtain money from private or public funds and donations. For additional information go to the HSUS website:
http://www.hsus.org/search.jsp?query=zoo&x=24&y=7

[sandbird]

more from my favorite poem (great post!!!)

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Wm Blake

[MuseScavenger]

I'm sure I'd feel differently if it were my kid, but any jerk who pokes a wild animal deserves what he gets. One less gas station attendant in the world. At the San Diego Zoo, where I spent many a delightful adolescent afternoon, the great apes used to think it's mighty fun to sling their poo into the gawking crowd. We used to watch the apes watching the people.

[Mickeleh]

I love Larry Miller, too. And I'm so much happier to see him playing this room than that neocon rag where he used to hang out.

Does his presence here indicate that he has seen the error of his ways?

[speakyourmind]

I love Larry Miller. Can't think of anything more intelligent to say. Just love him! BIG KISS LARRY!!

[K-Dog76]

as far as getting zoos, zoos are more for biologists and zoologists to study animals. I understand prison sucks, but most of these furry things will be extinct soon if their isn't a fair amount of study in captivity, ugh.

[LeonBNJ]

The destruction of the natural places for many animals from deforestation, climate change, pollution and human development means that zoos may be the only place to make sure some critical animals can reproduce and continue to exist. Are zoos good places for the animals? Probably not, but what is the alternative if we want to save some of them.

[davidly]

I came for the Blake and stayed for the Miller. Good one, Larry.

[elion10]

Burning bright- indeed.

Amen.

[TRYKER]

I would almost wager that you own a dog and keep him in an enclosure and sometimes you taunt him, though you call it something else.
If you don't have a dog, I apologize.

[snfork]

Although you were plainly commenting more on the Heath Ledger tragedy, I was so moved by your reflections on the "zoo" that I had to respond. Every time I have been to a zoo, I've been struck by the basic cruelty of the concept. Yes, before we had television, computers and the internet, it might have been necessary to contain wild animals so that humans could gain an appreciation for them and help save them. It might still be necessary in some cases for zoos to house some animals to prevent them from being harmed and brought to extinction.
But now, I think it might be time to close these anachronistic exhibitions.
Oh, and nobody should taunt anybody.......in zoos or in politics.

[ForwardtoYesterday]

Poetically comedic, Mr. Miller. Lovely stuff. And a nice remembrance of Heath Ledger thrown in, too.

I understand you're a conservative and stuff and purportedly "converted" Dennis Miller (no relation...right?) on the fact that Al Quaida is bad, bad, bad, bad. (We liberals, however, thinks Al Quaida is merely bad, bad, bad -- but three "bads" is never enough for some folks.) Regardless, this lefty thinks you're great. Here, at least.

I guess knowing you're audience is half the battle, right?