"I will never get married again..."
"I can't even imagine going on a date..."
"I feel so old and unattractive..."
"How do you even meet people..."
"I don't have time in my life for dating"
"I'm so ready for my next relationship..."
"There are no good men out there..."
I hear these statements over and over again from women who are going through and moving forward after divorce. Any of these sound familiar to you?
So today we are going to have a lesson in "SEXpectations" -- or the expectations we all have about love after divorce or the ending of any relationship.
Whether you believe it or not, the following words will all have a significant role in your new life: dating, romance, sex, intimacy, sensuality, passion and love. I am going to give you my thoughts about what each word means in your journey towards designing your amazing new life:
Dating: Dating is fun! Yes, you heard me, dating should be and can be a blast when you have set expectations around it that allow you to enjoy the process. You will not fall in love on a first date, nor will you know if he is the "right" fit for you immediately. You will need time and shared experiences to determine that. However, if you become curious about men and understanding who they really are, you are going to have a fabulous time.
Romance: Romance is not just a part of dating, it is a "way of being" in any relationship. It is not about flowers, chocolate or lingerie -- it is a feeling state. It is the way you feel about and pursue a new partner. Romance is the journey of time and shared experiences that allow you to build a new partnership and intimacy. Creating romance in your life is about creativity, selflessness and connecting to the loving parts of yourself. It is an expression of who you are and how you feel about another person.
Sex: What can I say about sex? Sex is a critical part of life, and it is fabulous, fun and free! Sex after divorce can be scary and intimidating, especially if it was not a healthy part of your marriage. However, sex can be, and should be, a wonderful and exciting part of your life, and relationship. There are many different kinds of sex and we have the power to choose when, with whom, and in what way we have it as we create our new and empowered lives and relationships. What becomes important is knowing what you want and why so that you can make healthy and safe choices about your sexual life. Sex becomes more fun and exciting as you reconnect to who you are and the woman you are meant to be.
Intimacy: Intimacy is growing closer and sharing experiences with someone. It is being vulnerable, trusting and surrendering to the process of getting to know someone. While it may feel scary, it takes courage and a commitment to being authentic and honest to experience true intimacy, and it is at the core of growing a deep connection with your partner.
Sensuality: "Sensuality is an enjoyment of the pleasure we receive through our five senses: sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. Although each of these can be experienced in a sexual context, they can also be enjoyed in a totally non-sexual way." This is one of my favorite definitions of sensuality. One of the most important parts of the journey through and after divorce is the reconnecting to your sensuality. For some this is an uncomfortable process, but one that will result in tremendous pleasure.
Passion: Passion is an energy that is created when you are doing and experiencing things that you love; it is experienced when the things you do are in alignment with the very core of who you are. What prevents so many of us from experiencing unbridled passion is not having clarity around what we love to do. Passion can be found in the friendships you surround yourself with, the work that you do, the way in which you spend your time and attitude you choose to have. When you are living a life you love, with passion and purpose, you will find that it will naturally become the foundation upon which a new relationship will be built.
Love: Aaahhh, love. Exceptional love is not only possible, but it is out there waiting for you when you choose to do whatever it takes to have it! Despite popular belief, love doesn't just happen; it is something we choose to create in our lives. However, real love begins within ourselves and is created when we do the hard work of preparing ourselves for it.
Moving through and after divorce often creates feelings of doubt about the possibility of having and sustaining a real and extraordinary loving, passionate, sexy, and romantic relationship.
The truth is that no matter where you are and no matter what your past experience has been, love is out there, waiting for you!
So, where are you in your Love Journey? Do you know what your SEXpectations are? If not, now is the perfect time to give yourself the gift of getting clear and understanding what you want and exactly how to get it!