Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Laura Ingraham Headshot

Diary of First Lady Michelle Obama

Posted: Updated:
Print Article

July 19, 2010

They should never have let Biden be our messenger this weekend. I knew I should have sent Barack with the girls to Maine and stayed behind to do the Sunday shows. I told them I was the only person with the credibility (and the affection of the people) to carry the message that we would win the House and Senate in November. (As if!). That fool Biden was stuttering and double-talking so much, he sounded like Mel Tillis! And I don't care what VP Hairplug or Smokey thinks--Valerie and I were studying the polls all weekend in Maine. Its over! We have five months to do whatever we're going to do before Rightwing-agedon befalls us.

I told Barack as he went down for his workout this morning: "I don't care if you pass cap and trade, or immigration reform, or any of your other pet projects... but Buddy, before you lose that majority, you better find someway to send Sebellius back to Kansas -- Auntie Em needs to get her boney butt back home. And you do remember who the new Cabinet secretary is going to be, right?" He looked real sour. He made that face he makes whenever he eats my cooking or when John Boehner walks in the room. "Let's move! On getting me confirmed HHS Secretary ASAP!" Barack didn't say one word, just kept walking with Reggie. That's when Mama came around the corner.

"You got hearing problems, Stringbean?" she asked him. Barack froze. "When your First Lady addresses you, you're supposed to respond and I didn't hear you answer her. Is my daughter going to be a Cabinet secretary, or not?!" Barack looked over at Reggie and started "Uhhh" and Ummming. Mama put a hand on her hip and said, "Think long and hard before you answer. Of course, Michelle and I could just decide to go back to Chicago to recharge our batteries until after the midterms. You could probably take care of the girls all by your self. And I'm sure you have plenty of time to harvest the garden with the school children and get your picture taken for all those fashion magazines. Hurry up. Is the First Lady going to be Secretary Robinson Obama or not?" Barack slowly nodded and said, "Yes ma'am'" as he headed downstairs.

Mama always come through in a pinch. If she keeps this up I may make her my special Ambassador to the Elderly and Hospice-bound once I'm running our Nationalized Health Care.