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Hanukkah Flow Chart

Posted: 12/04/07 04:03 PM ET

2007-12-04-smallzigmanchart.jpg


Click above for Hanukah flow chart!

 
 
 
 
 
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05:45 PM on 12/06/2007
I wish this was funny, but in fact it's sad, and in terrible taste (I'm Jewish with a Buddhist, Taoist perspective, and two famous Rabbis in my family tree). Clearly, the author grew up in a family where the traditions of the holiday were celebrated joylessly and without the true religious spirit they should be imbued with. However, she goes on to suggest that more traditional (and orthodox) celebrations are all "kvetch-fests," while New Age-type hybrids (Christmas-tinged) are all warm and fuzzy.
The fact is that traditional Hanukkah celebrations, steeped in Jewish religion, culture and values, can be loving, warm and joyful without pandering to the Christmas culture American media promote. The excessive, expensive gifts, the "Hanukkah bush," the gluttony and anxiety about cards all suppress the religious nature of the holiday, and the emphasis on children that the holiday should represent. Instead of focusing on joining the majority culture, we should find a simpler, more joyful and meaningful way to celebrate religious events without adding the toxic baggage of commercialism, greed and familial warfare. May your lights burn bright, and may love fill your hearts---
11:03 AM on 12/05/2007
This is very very funny. Don't let the man (aka humorless HuffPost commenters) get you down.
01:56 AM on 12/05/2007
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards.

She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman replies, "Oh my. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
01:45 AM on 12/05/2007
Moishe and Haim are passing a Catholic Church and see a sign that reads "Convert to Catholicism, $50 Cash."
Moishe turns to his friend Haim, "Hey, I'm going to try it." He enters the church and returns a few minutes later
"So, did you convert? What was it like?" Haim eagerly asks.
"It was nothing", says Moishe, "I walked in, a priest sprinkled holy water on me, and said 'you're a Catholic.'"

"Wow," says Haim "and did you get the $50?"
"You Jews," replies Moishe "all you think about is money!"
10:24 PM on 12/04/2007
Gotta tell you I just don't get it at all. If it was supposed to be funny - it's not very good. If it's not supposed to be funny - it's not very good. I'm Jew by birth, but never really religious beyond the big holidays and never celebrated however you spell the damn holiday as a kid. As adult, raised kids with ah homage to the holiday, but also did the whole secular Christmas thing. Sigh - just don't get it - help.
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09:54 PM on 12/04/2007
Now THAT was friggin' HARSH.

Make that charsh.
09:47 PM on 12/04/2007
Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song! ...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xUFrt8oHbXQ


Happy Hanukkah! Though, I guess your interest, excitement level on tonight, the first night of Hanukka, actually might depend on where you fall on the flow chart above :-)

[Full disclosure: I'm not Jewish.]
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09:40 PM on 12/04/2007
Oh my god ha ha!

Ooops, sorry, I mean . . . never mind.
08:55 PM on 12/04/2007
I suppose you have to be a member of the tribe to fully appreciate the real vs. fake bits. I'm trying to temper the chuckling though, since *real* Jews know that laughing too hard can cause permanent internal damage.
08:49 PM on 12/04/2007
How true - how sad - how funny!
08:36 PM on 12/04/2007
I don't know whether this is supposed to be funny or not. If I send this to my Jewish friends will they laugh and thank me or put me down in their book as an ignorant racist? Perhaps the author can advise.
08:29 PM on 12/04/2007
And your point is??
07:49 PM on 12/04/2007
That was hilarious - and I'm not even Jewish! Of course, a Christmas analogue could be outlined, although a GANTT chart might be the best tool for the job.

Happy Holidays!
07:33 PM on 12/04/2007
I have an Adam Sandler earworm in my head now. I put it there on purpose so I can be reminded that there is such a thing as a funny Hanukkah joke. This? Wasn't.
04:46 PM on 12/04/2007
I read that ten minutes ago and I'm still laughing.

I love this. Thank you.