THE BLOG

Why I Stopped Playing Small

05/27/2015 11:10 am ET | Updated May 27, 2016

It's not easy taking control of your life but it's even harder being a backseat driver and letting others take the wheel. Sometimes, it only takes a split second decision to stop playing small and let your greatness shine through.

People are always playing small and doing it at every age. As I reach the end of my twenties I can tell you I've taken advantage of what life has offered me. The only thing I haven't done up until recently is live from a place of strength.

Since childhood I've let others dictate how I feel, what I do, and where I go. As a young girl I followed my friends' interests. I always looked to my mom for help (and still do because sometimes a girl just needs her mom!), and reached out when in crisis as if someone other than myself has the key to my happiness and destiny. That all changed very recently.

I follow astrology in a very serious way. I believe in it's ability to help guide us and I use it as a tool for understanding myself and finding clarity through happy times and rough waters. Currently, I'm going through my Saturn Return (dun dun dun), which essentially means that Saturn has returned to where it was when I was born. Saturn is back (with a vengeance) as the Great Inspector, looking to see which foundations are solid, which need to be fixed, and which need to be totally demolished and rebuilt. He's looking at me through a critical lens finding out if I've done the work I needed to do the last 29 years. The answer is not really or I wouldn't be writing this. The truth is for 29 years I chose to play small and now I'm at a cross roads where I'm remembering who I really am and that person is not small but powerful and confident.

After a histrionic episode of self-doubt and insecurity a voice inside me screamed "enough already!" and it felt like the lightbulb finally went off. I asked myself, "why am I choosing to play small when I have all the tools I need to run the show otherwise known as my life?"

When my inner guide yelled at me (and good for her!) I knew I turned a new leaf in my journey. Here's how you can do the same and live your life from a place of power.

1. Listen to your feelings. It's as simple as this: It's either a HELL YES or a HELL NO. You know the difference, now start listening to it!

2. When people push you around, push back from a place of strength. Stand your ground with conviction.

3. Say no sometimes. You can't please everyone. Stop saying yes unless you actually want to.

4. Be yourself wherever you are, even in the work place. Nothing says confidence like an authentic person. People will respect you too!

5. Give yourself to those who deserve it. Say yes to real relationships and pay attention when you get that feeling that a relationship or a friendship is not working. Once you accept the feeling, do something about it instead of creating scenarios in your head about that person or circumstance.

6. Verbalize your fears. Saying your fears aloud sometimes demystifies them and helps you realize that all you have to fear is fear itself.

7. Take care of yourself. Make time each day to do something for yourself that fills you from the inside.

8. Stop seeking advice. Listen to your inner guide (I learned this from my self-help guru, Gabrielle Bernstein) and let your instincts do the talking and decision making.

9. Be honest with yourself. When we live in a state of disillusion we open ourselves up to depression and anxiety. Seeing a situation for what it is can actually be quite freeing.

10. Protect yourself. You can't pick up on other people's low-vibes if you've created a protective bubble for yourself. That doesn't mean you hide from the world but it does mean having clear boundaries and sticking to them.

I'll leave you with this: you're in control. Where do you want to go?