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Lauren Jacobs Headshot

Single in the City

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For some reason -- perhaps the impending marriages of three of my close friends -- I feel the desire, and even the need, to say this: I am truly happy as a single person.

I am not sad, frustrated, bitter, depressed, worried, or irritated about being single. Most notably, I am not lonely.

I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, with my niece and nephew and with my gal pals and my guy pals at any number of fun, joyful, interesting and exciting activities -- meals, nights out, cultural events, classes or workshops -- even just hanging out.

And I enjoy spending time by myself: at yoga, in the park, on city walks, at the theater and sometimes even at museums and movies. And I love taking myself out to dinner, reading a book or magazine and looking out the window watching folks pass by.

I do not count out the possibility that someday I might meet someone who I would enjoy spending the majority of my time with. But so far in life, that has not happened, and I am comfortable with the fact that it is somewhat unlikely to happen. This has nothing to do with my self-esteem. This has to do with the fact that I don't like most people enough to spend the majority of my time with them. (Nor would I sentence most people to spend the majority of their time with me. I am at peace with who and how I am, but I acknowledge that I can be quite difficult in certain ways.)

If I can ever afford to raise a child I will do that, because I believe that raising a child is a great joy in life (though it is quite scary), and if I am on my own at the time when I can afford to do that, that will be fine, as I plan to involve my family and friends in that process so that the child has influences other than me in his or her life.

The thing is: I wish people would stop looking at me in that WAY. That way that says, "I'm so sorry that you haven't yet found someone to share your life with. You must be so sad."

As I've mentioned, I'm not sad. I'm content. And maybe people can't handle that because it makes them wonder if they'd be happier on their own than they are in their relationship. Or maybe they just can't imagine enjoying time to themselves, by themselves. Or maybe they don't want to keep making new friends and doing new things.

In any case, I wish people would stop asking. I'd like to tell them: If I happen to meet someone I like enough to sacrifice my alone-time for, I will be sure to let you know.