Many people don't treat themselves very well. They break promises to themselves, eat poorly, don't get enough sleep, are self-critical or fail to take good care of their bodies. In fact, if most people treated others the way they treat themselves, they wouldn't have many friends!
A great technique for treating yourself better is by developing your Inner Nurturing Parent. Imagine you had a little child in your care. You'd make every effort to keep her healthy and safe; to love and support her; to be forgiving of her mistakes, her inevitable slips; and to let her know how precious and important she is. That's what a loving parent does. Only, in this case, you're the parent and the child. Below are seven ways to strengthen your own Inner Nurturing Parent, and turn the goal of treating yourself better into daily, living action.
Send loving messages to yourself. Tell yourself, "I love you and appreciate who you are." When you do something well, give yourself a pat on the back. Say, "Great job! I'm so proud of you." When you're struggling or feeling low, be supportive by saying, "I'm here for you. You're not alone."
Take good care of yourself. A loving parent would make sure you eat right and get plenty of rest, sleep, fresh air and exercise. Keep yourself healthy and fit. Practicing good self-care is an essential part of this process.
Do nice things for yourself. Get into the habit of doing special things for yourself. Make yourself a cup of tea with the nurturing energy that you'd have when preparing tea for someone you love. Visit the sauna, get a massage or draw yourself a bath filled with special salts. Linger in it and relax. Make yourself a candlelight dinner -- a delicious meal in a special setting. Coddle yourself. Treat yourself as a loving parent would treat you.
Set healthy boundaries with others. Let people know what you want and don't want. Tell them what's okay for you and what's not. If you have a friend who's always late and you end up waiting for her and feeling annoyed, tell her how you feel. A nurturing parent wouldn't let someone treat you badly. A loving parent makes sure his or her child's needs are met.
Become your own advocate. If someone is disrespectful or hurtful to you, speak up. Tell them you don't want to be spoken to that way. If someone was unkind, hostile or verbally abusive to your child, you'd stand up for him. Protect yourself as a nurturing parent would protect you.
Believe in yourself. A nurturing parent would highlight your uniqueness, tell you how special you are, encourage you to build on your strengths and support you in a loving, nonjudgmental way. A nurturing parent says, "You can do it." "I believe in you." Become your strongest supporter, coach and cheerleader.
And lastly and most important: Be compassionate with yourself. Have compassion for your humanity and your flaws. You're human and you're going to make mistakes. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving parent; don't punish or criticize yourself. Reassure yourself. Comfort yourself. Accept yourself unconditionally. And show that same compassion for your own parents and others, because they, too, are human.
Lauren Mackler is a world-renowned coach, host of the LIFE KEYS radio show, and author of the international bestseller, Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness & Transform Your Life. www.laurenmackler.com
Follow Lauren Mackler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Laurenmackler
be my own nurturing parent till sometime ago!The concept seemed so alien to me. But i will give it a try. . Cause i am 23-years-old now and must start to learn to love myself and take care of myself.
It is high time.Thanks, great article.
Good luck!!
Warmly,
Lauren
Thanks for posting!
Yay for you!!! Self-hugs are a wonderful thing to do. It may feel a little strange at first, but over time it becomes a great source of self-nurturance. It feels a lot better than berating or judging ourselves.
Thanks for your post!
Thanks for your post! I don't think it's our nature to feel bad about ourselves. We're all born with innate potential, strengths, and self-esteem. No one is born feeling unworthy, ashamed, or not good enough. These are learned patterns we adopt to adapt to the family we grew up in. Releasing the untruths that keep us playing small helps us reclaim our own magnificence and power, and liberate the person we were born to be.
Warmly,
Lauren
I like the concept of the nurturing parent. I think there are a lot of people (including me) who don't treat themselves very well.. We should think about it and your article involves an interesting point of view
The advices are simple and they're easy to remember.. Congrats!
xoxoxo
So true! Often it's the most basic, simplistic changes that have the greatest impact.
Warmly,
Lauren
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-rudin/the-rich-affluent-and-me_b_692721.html
Thanks for spreading the word!
xoxoxo
Lauren
I have been giving things away through Freecycle and Craigslist. Simple, simple, simple.
I am going to move back to the ranch where I was brought up and try to heal some of the wounds that are there. Waiting for me. But I need to do this to get better. I always take the hardest chore first. And this one is going to be HARD.
One important element we have added to my treatment: a good sense of humor! It is one endearing trait my mother handed down to me - the ability to get outside of your dire situation, and to laugh at the ironies of life.
So thank you for reaffirming that being nuturing is a life-long process to be learned. I have also learned that, in a learning process, there are ups and downs - life is not a linear journey we are on, but something that takes a 4-dimensional quality we cannot quite comprehend, but with which we are intimately and inextricably a part of as well as being the travelers within it (hard to explain b/c it's incomprehensible). I think that is what we humans call 'god'.
The best thing I have learned in life so far is that as I grow into a healthier person, I am able to, in turn, nurture and give comfort to others as well. And maybe someday, Lauren, there will be an abundance of people who were loved and raised unconditionally.
The reason is simple.
We Americans have pursued our individualism to the point of exhausting our native spirit. We did this because we could, because the pursuit was hallowed in the Declaration of Independence, and because, for lack of any sense of what else to do, our public leaders have presumed it was the most holy and divine thing for us to do.
Our self-annointed "divines" or spiritual leaders have been even worse; about them, no one can reveal their characters as well as they do every time they open their mouths. Beware of every guru. Especially the ones who've had one revelation and suppose that makes them a prophet.
It is possible to remember that our bodies are temples, our bodies individual and collective. It takes work, and isn't for the light-hearted. It takes daily practice, and devoted time.
There are two excellent leaders in this work: Michael Murphy (who researched and wrote a masterful survey of spiritual cultures) and George Leonard (who wrote the simple and sublime book, Mastery). Their book, The Life We are Given, is an excellent guide for a self-directed re-gaining of one's native spiritual center, balance, and bearings.