THE BLOG
06/01/2012 05:16 pm ET | Updated Aug 01, 2012

"Fifty Ways to Hide the Cover" -- A Song for Readers of Fifty Shades of Grey

With acknowledgment to, and a deep abiding respect for, Paul Simon, in the sincere hope that no legal action will be forthcoming.

"The problem is Fifty Shades of Grey"
She said to me
"I'd rather my husband, kids and neighbors
Didn't see
That I'm reading this
Depraved sex trilogy
I need a clever way
To hide the cover"

I said, "I know all the indignities
You've borne
Just trying to kick back
And enjoy your mommy porn
But there's no reason you should
Have to face such scorn
There must be 50 ways
To hide the cover
Fifty ways to hide the cover

You just hold the tome low, Jo
Deface the book, Brooke
Wrap it in foil, goil
Just listen to me

A book sock'll do, Sue
But the best thing to do-o
Is download the 'e,' Leigh
Then no one will see"

She said, "It's hard for me
To lucidly explain
Why I like reading about
Grey's Red Room of Pain
But I just can't help it --
So would you please explain
About the 50 ways?"

I said, "Don't be concerned--
There's nothing you need say
Everyone gets their jollies
In their special way
Just know that for each of the
Fifty shades of grey
There is a clever way
To hide the cover
Fifty ways to hide the cover

You just hold the tome low, Jo
Deface the book, Brooke
Wrap it in foil, goil
Just listen to me

A book sock'll do, Sue
But the best thing to do-o
Is download the 'e,' Leigh
Then no one will see"