Want to be my friend? Feed me. Feed me ideas, wisdom, good food, laughs, knowledge. That is what great friendships are about and that is what makes me happy. Feed me. And when you do that, I feed you. Nourishment, mind and body, is what makes a healthy, mature female friendship of such enormous value. She knows something I don't. She has a talent, a touch, a wisdom I don't. She can teach me something and as a return gift, I can teach her something too.
I'm one of those women who falls in love with girlfriends hard and fast. Occasionally its short-lived, I get too excited too quickly, but when the real thing comes along, now that's a beautiful thing.
Surprisingly, you're never too old to fall in love. I am shocked myself, that at the life-altering age of 50 (plus), I am still falling in love and making new, deep, profound female friendships. My most unexpected new friendship started two years ago with a woman born and raised in Vietnam. At 17, as war broke out, she was rushed out of her country with two days notice. No suitcase, no backpack, no English. A few weeks later she was a freshman at Boston University. She is also over 50 (plus) and an internationally-recognized designer. I have been wearing her beautiful jewelry creations for years before I found out she lives three doors away from me! A mutual girlfriend of ours introduced us. Now we walk to each other's house for dinner. She taught me how to make pad thai, and I taught her the joys of composting! Win, win.
The best girlfriends enrich you. They add color and texture to your life, even when they aren't fashion designers. Together we grow. Love!
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Robin Quivers: You Need Women Friends. Specifically, You Need A Sheila.
Even with all my girlfriends, I found myself recently after having my second baby feeling lonely because my friends had already had theirs previously and had by now grown out of the baby phase or gone back to work. Here I was with a million friends and no one to play with!
I lamented to my mother about feeling alone and wanting to make some new girlfriends that were like minded. I said "I have so many girlfriends but I'm alone right now." My mother, a woman with good but few friends, said, "It just takes ONE good friend to make everything better."
After some trial and error of "trying" on new friends I found a dear friend that was exactly what I was looking for. She too is taking some time off from work having had her second child, also a girl. We do simple things like take a walk in the neighborhood and do big outings like go to art openings. She is smart, funny, glamourous and simply available!
I called my mother back recently and told her "Mom, I've found my person, I found my One!" "It just takes one" she said, "it just takes one."
Liked your column. I'm one of those men who falls in love with girlfriends hard and fast. Wasn't there a saying that men fall faster, but women fall harder, in love? Well if this is off the topic, I apologize. One quote I do remember was by the great Dorothy Parker. " Ducking for apples, change one letter and it's the story of my life"
Sadly I find that the women I meet are vapid ("hey did you see last night's DWTS or American Idol????"). I've all but given up. No one seems to be up on what's going on in this country, let alone the world, and their creative interests are zero. Sure I can 'mindless banter' with the best of them, but for a deep personal friendship, it's got to be well rounded. Sadly, too many women aren't.
I can't tell you what the trick to making a good friendship work is, but if you meet someone whose thoughts and ideas you can respect because the process whereby they come to their conclusions is honest and they're willing to debate the issue fairly, even if you disagree on most things, you can make it work. And like I said, try looking in places you normally might not go. After attending one or two SciFi conventions I learned that it wasn't really my thing. My best friend, she still loves 'em!