In thinking about Fathers' Day, it struck me that yet another opportunity for honoring the experience of parenting has turned into a commercial ritual of obligatory shopping. With that in mind, I was glad to catch up with my friend Dr. Wayne Dyer, best-selling author and father of eight children who range from 17 to 40 years old. Wayne is also the grandfather of five children and the author, with Kirstina Tracy of a new series of children's books: Incredible You! 10 Ways to Let your Greatness Shine Through and Unstoppable You: 10 Ways to Soar Through Life.
As one of the leaders of the New Thought movement, Wayne's advice to dads turns some of our traditional assumptions upside down. When reading the following, be advised: Your mind is like a parachute. It works best when it's open.
1. On Fathers' Day, give presents to your children. "Let your kids know that the greatest privilege you have is to be their father," he says. Whether your gift is spending time with them doing something they like or giving them a card or hand-written note, Fathers' Day is an opportunity for you to let your kids know, in no uncertain terms, how you care for them.
2. Show up. "Even if there are times that you cannot be there because of other commitments, call or email your children to let them know your heart is with them," he says. "That counts for more than your realize. I may have missed some games but I went to a lot of them, too. "
3. Cut the bullshit. "Your kids need to know that you are honest with them, down to the penny. Tell them the truth; not just about the tough parts of life, but the truth about how much you love them."
4. Walk your talk. Your sons and daughters need to know that they can count on you to keep your word. "My kids know that if dad says he'll do it, he will do whatever it takes to keep his word," he says. When a father promises things to his children and does not follow through on a regular basis, "that's not being a father," says Dyer.
5. Do not interfere in their lives unless absolutely necessary. That starts with not telling them what to wear and grows into letting them make their own choices, even when you know they will make a mistake. "Unless your child's health or safety is involved, learn to let them find their way."
6. Learn to trust your children. Micro-managing can backfire. "When you become overly involved, it can prevent your children from developing strong self-esteem."
7. Talk to them every day. Even though he spends a good part of the year on the road, Dyer says, "Rarely a day goes by that I don't speak to all eight of my kids. It's so easy to stay in contact with cell phones and email. Talk to them about what's going on in your life and in your heart."
8. Stay active in their lives. Whether you live together or see your children on weekends, your presence is important. "Your connection is not the amount of time you are there or the number of activities you go to. Everything in life is constantly shifting and changing. Let them know that you are there for them."
9. Keep your children in your prayers. When you think of your kids, put your hand on your heart. "Being a father means you have a heart connection which is a life connection," he says. Even if you cannot physically spend time with your children on a given day, include them in your prayers. "Fatherhood is a spiritual connection."
10. Be kind. Says Dyer, "When you have to choose between being right and being kind, it is always better to be kind."
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