10 Habits of Happy Couples

As Leo Tolstoy once said, "All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." We can smile at that quote or it can inspire us to ask ourselves some wise questions: What is it that happy families are doing? And, do my spouse and I fall into the category of happy couples?

If you want to have a superior relationship with your partner and be a good role model for your children, then enhance your verbal skills today by adopting the tips below. What I have found as a couples mediator is that the same verbal skills work to improve every relationship. These 10 quick and simple tips from my book Fight Less, Love More will keep the peace in the family and make your love connection stronger. Even if you're using the tips and your husband or wife isn't, their effect will still be astonishing.

 

 

 

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Comments

[Dinosaur David B]

10:07 AM on 12/29/2011

Number 4 (Whatever) seems to be in conflict with number 1 (Pick your battles).

[DearClover]

02:18 PM on 12/24/2011

This advice makes a lot of sense. @MyP2PU does have a point though.

[MyP2PU]

07:08 PM on 12/19/2011

Love the article Laurie, however, unless I missed something you left out one key component to a happy couple/marriage and that's the love making. My wife and I make love every other night and have done so for 21 years straight, even when I was in the hospital for three days. We have two children and both are active in sports which requires my wife and I to drive them to practice, to games, etc. But my wife and I make sure that every other night we can head to bed early enough to make love and cuddle afterwards and talk about each others day.

[charleyvldm9]

11:23 AM on 12/11/2011

Good points I've been married over 46 years.

[richardgl3276]

05:35 PM on 12/11/2011

Very good 47 years here

[brachm5]

11:49 PM on 12/09/2011

One of 'em is steppin' out!!

[Owen Marcus]

10:42 PM on 12/09/2011

A simple and effective list of actions to do to enrich your relationship.

[thewirah]

02:40 PM on 12/09/2011

Very decent suggestions. Basically, don't act like you would with a close friend.

[Happy Nataraj]

02:32 PM on 12/09/2011

Great post, you left out intimacy...That is an important part of a healthy relationship. Holding hands, caressing, making love...why did you leave those out?

[TheBluesGuy]

09:49 PM on 12/09/2011

Because to way too many women, apparently like this author, sex is way down the list. Which prompts the question: "Just how important is sex in our relationship?" Every couple needs to answer that to each other's satisfaction. Its too easy to just assume "(S)he feels like I do."

[Happy Nataraj]

09:20 AM on 12/10/2011

more than sex, I am speaking about the power of touch. That is a very important part of a relationship. Physical intimacy is a priority for the women that I know...

[Michel t]

12:54 PM on 12/09/2011

Can I had a few that have worked for us?

~ Don't sweat the small stuff.
~ Love is free and plentiful, don't be afraid to give it out.

[bobsomm]

03:42 PM on 01/13/2012

Right Michel T

Another variation I used with the kids...

Don't sweat the petty stuff.
AND
Don't pet the sweaty stuff.

[Michel t]

05:33 PM on 01/13/2012

I'll have to remember that one, it's just too funny!

[jf12]

12:22 PM on 12/09/2011

Avoid factual arguments? Because counterfactual arguments are more fun?

[Michael Lindley]

01:55 AM on 12/09/2011

More mechanical advice? Really, the only way to a happy relationship is to be a happy person not grounded in power, competitiveness and other destructive goals. Simple philosophies like "If you open your eyes in the morning, it's a great day" provide a far better basis for happiness in a relationship, not figuring out how to better communicate your frustration or emotions. Anger is already a sign of a crack in the relationship. Manage your anger through changes in expectations.

[S5Whiskey]

11:30 AM on 12/09/2011

I agree, Michael Lindsey.. but consider this: "be a happy person not grounded in power, competitiv­eness and other destructiv­e goals" is more difficult than it sounds (for some). These techniques strike me as means of achieving that. What do you think?

[S5Whiskey]

11:31 AM on 12/09/2011

Lindley... mea culpa

[LI2USsomemore]

12:12 AM on 12/09/2011

One thing I've learned in my marriage is she's right, and I'm not. I swallow it so life can be worth living. Otherwise, it's a livinghell. :-)

(Don't take me too seriously folks.)

[donotbefat]

11:38 AM on 12/09/2011

I get your attempt at humor, but are you perpetuating a negative stereotype of women?

[LI2USsomemore]

04:10 PM on 12/09/2011

I seriously tried to resist using the word, idi_t, in my response, but it seems I've failed.

[Johnjlws]

09:42 PM on 12/08/2011

(1) Marry your best friend, or make sure he or she is before you marry. (2) Hug a lot.(3) Apologize and mean it. (4) End every phone conversation with "I love you." (5) Never go to bed angry with each other, or angry for that matter (a waste of good energy). (6) Embrace and support your partner's growth. (7) Only ever be slightly jealous. (8) Trust unconditionally. (9) Support your partner in public, even when he or she is wrong...always. (10) Love your partner (and kids) unconditionally (never hold your love hostage to your partner's [or kids'] behavior).

Just entered our 4th decade together.

[Phoebe917]

11:45 PM on 12/08/2011

excellent. my husband and i are best pals. we said so today. our heat went out today. (just had the unit replaced a few months ago.) he rushed to get a me a major oversized hoodie, sweat pants. he forgot the socks as my feet were freezing. i am never one to ask anyone to do anything for me. i asked him kindly to go back upstairs to get me some socks. it took him seconds to do so, and he placed them on my feet. we sit every evening and disguss all aspects of our lives. i trust him with my life. and i cook him a grilled ham and cheese with no questions asked. :)

[LI2USsomemore]

12:14 AM on 12/09/2011

Do you do take-out? :-)

[Anne Siperek]

11:35 AM on 12/10/2011

oh, lucky him, a grilled ham and cheese....?! Why didn't you go get your own socks? Good thing you live in the woods cuz no man out here in the real world would want you.

[LI2USsomemore]

12:13 AM on 12/09/2011

And listen. Oh man! Listen good! Cuz you will be quizzed.

[mikehoward74]

08:14 PM on 12/08/2011

I've been happily married to my wonderful husband for 13 years now, and the things listed above come natural to both of our personalities. I would also add banning the "kitchen sink", meaning that having arguments, then bringing up previous arguments, thus throwing the kitchen sink at them, should be strictly off limits. Once an argument is settled, LET IT GO. If there develops a pattern of the same kinds of unfavorable behaviours, then have a deeper discussion.

ALWAYS start with "I", not "You". Don't say "You really pissed me off when....", rather, say, "I feel very hurt because of your choice to....."

Remember that people need their spouse as well as their friends, and the two do not necessarily have to like one another, so long as they are both capable of holding up the pretense of civility.
Also, at the beginning of every day, think of how you would react that day in all situations involving your spouse if you knew that they would pass away the following day. Morbid, I know, but having a terminally ill husband, that has taught me more about having the best possible relationship than anything else ever could have. He has lived a few years beyond all expectations, and every day is truly a blessing. Live like that, and you will never take a single moment for granted again.

[Natalie Steutterman]

08:53 AM on 12/11/2011

Wonderful advice IMO, It is never easy in a relationship. Also..........if you don`t think before you speak......... then that is another destructive behavior .Once that mean or hurtful thing was said......... it`s hard to take it back then. Damage has been done.

[nsnas]

07:27 PM on 12/11/2011

Totally agree.

[mccord82]

07:56 PM on 12/08/2011

The number one thing a man can do to respect his significant other is to let her solve her own problems. When she comes to you with a problem, she is not looking for you to solve it for her, she is looking for you to listen to her. Until I figured this out, I never had a meaningful, long-term relationship with a woman. As far as the other things go, I'm glad I have a woman in my life who respects me, understands me, accepts me, and loves me. I do all of the above for her, too. Plus, never forget that if there are no disagreements/arguments in your relationship, something isn't right, because it's impossible for two people to agree on absolutely everything no matter how much they have in common. I've also found that even in an argument, respect, understanding, and an open mind is crucial. That's just my $0.02 worth.

[LI2USsomemore]

12:17 AM on 12/09/2011

Yep. That's key. Men are in the solving business, women are in the talking-about-it business. Don't even TRY to come up with a solution. They can spot it a mile away, and at that point, you, the man, have lost all credibility. :-)

Sounds like a sit-com!

[Michel t]

01:02 PM on 12/09/2011

I think young couple could learn a lot by reading together: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

It explains in simple terms the differences between in thought process between men and women.

[lovaevry1]

07:09 PM on 12/11/2011

I've always heard mention of that book but have never read it myself. I think I might now that you have recommended it.