THE BLOG
08/13/2013 11:07 am ET | Updated Oct 13, 2013

Breaking Sad

Breaking Bad ends soon, to the dismay of millions, but word is that at least Saul the speed-talking lawyer is getting a spinoff.

With that in mind, creator-extraordinaire Vince Gilligan, here are ideas for future series, inspired and derived from BB. Feel free to develop them in your brilliant way; just contact me if you do, and we can talk. Would love to join the team!

Breaking Plates
A man with a scar on his nose, sporting a goatee and a black hat, lives on the island of Crete, and folk dances and breaks plates whenever he brews a vat of the best ouzo in the world. The shards are later used to off his competitors, leading to his fearful alias, "Mr. Chips/Scarface."

Breaking Wind
Diagnosed with incurable irritable bowel syndrome, a middle-class man goes on a violent rampage to find a remedy through cooking up the perfect form of Bean-o. His wife threatens to divorce him and bitches throughout the series until in the finale he explodes the Bean-o in his kitchen and drives her and his children out of the house, holding their noses. The house remains condemned.

Breaking Up
A nervous, black-haired woman who is filthy rich because of an invention to automatically remove dryer lint from filter screens is the target of a mild-mannered Walmart greeter who once worked with her and could have shared her fortune. He resents her success and takes it out on her by calling her up at all hours and spamming her email accounts with ads for dryer sheets until she tracks him down in New Hampshire and makes him go undercover as a tighty-whitey salesman.

Breaking Down
A nerdy mathemetician -- and fan of Walt Whitman -- admits that he is in love with his co-worker, an even more brilliant guy, who decides that they should run away to the Czech Republic and live together while he explores his feminine side and memorizes passages of Leaves of Grass.

Breaking News
A news anchor for an Omaha ABC affiilate who ends every newscast with "Yo Bee-ach, tread lightly and have an A-1 day" is found to be a former meth cook when he wins two local daytime Emmys and gives them to a homeless man who pawns them for 67 percent meth. The anchor sees him again and says, "I used to cook 99 percent pure meth" -- in front of a DEA cop, who slowly figures things out.

Braking Too Slow
A stressed-out woman of a certain age named Carol, who suddenly leaves her suburban house, causes a series of road-kill accidents in an old RV full of taxidermy until she meets her end hitting a mad moose and his twin, who crawl together to cause her RV to explode, raining stuffed squirrels, chipmunks and other former creatures throughout the countryside.

Waking Bad
A sweet-natured druggie named Phil wakes up to find his stoned girlfriend has choked. He spends dozens of episodes calling his friend and former phys-ed teacher "Mr. Johnson," and when he finally uses "Henry," the teacher's first name, Henry admits that the girlfriend just pretended to choke as an excuse to leave Phil, and that she lives with Henry and blogs about Georgia O'Keefe and other artists.

Faking Cad
A man romances many women at once, and brags to his friend that he is "The One Who Knocks Up," until eventually one of the women finds out and offs him with a brew of lily-of-the-valley and vodka. The woman calls the drink "Plump Girl Cocktail" and when she subs petunia for the other flower, she makes a fortune, finds and divorces a husband, has a cute baby girl and gets her own talk show.

Faking Plaid
An Orthodox rabbi becomes a talented golf pro but loses the Masters when he refuses to play on Yom Kippur. He flips out, and, disguised as a caddy, murders a bunch of country-club golfers, and atones for his sins on the following Yom Kippur, in solitary, when he places bacon on a plate in the form of a Jewish star.

Baking Bad
A long-suffering chef goes on Chopped, opens his basket and finds a strange bunch of ingredients. He bakes a chocolate cake with a warm cinnamon and eel center, but when the judges diss his dessert, he poisons all three at once, plus the host, with a side of ricin-laced blueberry rock candy.

Raking Bad
A former hedge-funder who bilked investors joins a group of Mexican immigrants in a landscaping business that winds up making storage bins of money as a cover for a blood-diamond operation. The diamonds are hidden in barrels of horse manure, which the hedge-funder has to sift through daily before taking his granddaughter to the park. She wonders why all of the children leave when she arrives and discovers it's because of her grandpa.

Taking Dad
Ex-cop Max loses his balance and his voice when he is traumatized by a rattlesnake with a man's head stuck on it by a Mexican drug lord, and winds up in an asylum unable to talk except by hitting a triangle. His high-strung wife Mona, who likes to swipe sugar packets, adopts a Romanian orphan, names him Flynn, and visits Max each Sunday at the home, where they take him for a ride around the property in his wheelchair, Max dinging the triangle about the good old days when he could walk and talk and punch his mild-mannered but devilish brother-in-law in the nose.

Aching Bad
Cast members left alive in the final episode of Breaking Bad return in a new series, although minus major body parts, trying to continue the brilliance of what went on before. Cast to be announced after the final episode. Gus Fring in his final moment is a major inspiration, and his half-faced body is in all the opening credits.