What Do Hillary Women Want?

I'll tell you the secret about what many of the millions of women who voted for Hillary really want: acknowledgement. Yep. That's it. Well, that's not all, of course. But that's the secret part, the part that appears to be eluding the leaders of the Obama campaign and making their efforts to win the allegiance of Hillary supporters so dangerously ineffective. The onus for winning over Clinton supporters is not on the Clintons, contrary to current conventional wisdom, but rather on Obama himself.

You've no doubt heard the media reiterating talking points about how the way to win the votes of women is to hit hard on economic issues since those are the issues that impact families with painful immediacy. There's some validity to that point. After all, many of the women who were and who remain most strongly identified with Hillary are mothers. We care about our loved ones. We carry the burden of trying to make it work when the ends don't meet the middle. We worry about the future. A lot.

However, if you listen closely, you'll also hear the unwritten assumption that appears to constitute the Obama campaign's strategy toward this large, critical and, usually, faithfully Democratic demographic: "Well, who else are they going to vote for anyway? Let's focus our energies on the Independents" I think of this as the "we've got them by their Roe v. Wade" presumption. The thought also has some validity since the stakes are certainly very high. However, especially with McCain's campaign aggressively courting Hillary supporters, Obama cannot afford to presume anyone's automatic support.

This was no ordinary primary season for Democrats. Women and people of color have been disenfranchised and taken for granted by the Democratic Party for years. This time, however, we were able to back candidates (candidates who actually had a chance to win) with whom we could personally identify. Whether you are a woman, a person of color, some other kind of "other" or some combination of the prior groups, the experience of witnessing a biracial man and a woman as the two final potential Democratic presidential candidates was powerful.

What continues to make it hard for many of us to commit to the Obama cause is his very lack of overt commitment to us. He and his campaign have focused too much on Hillary Clinton herself and missed countless opportunities to reach out directly to those of us who supported her. He seems to feel it is sufficient to lump us into his idealistically inclusive "we," and, in doing so, he fails both to respect and to witness the enormity of our loss. For it was our loss as women, not just Hillary Clinton's. The reality is that we are not bitter. We are grieving.

For all of us, not just Obama supporters, this Democratic primary season evoked intense emotions. We were called upon to be hopeful and we were. We dared to set free longings and desires so deep and personal that they have been contained historically in the secret places within our individual and collective psyches. And, now, some of those longings have been at least partially fulfilled. And some have not. The grief of those of us whose longings were once again thwarted accounts for much of the continuing resistance of Hillary supporters.

So what do we grieving women want from Obama? We want him to acknowledge that our hope was as valid as the hope of his supporters and that our longing will not go unrecognized. We want him to claim our loss as his own on behalf of his daughters and to speak to women's issues directly. In a very real sense, Hillary's loss is a loss for all of us. I celebrate the fact that countless children of all races and skin color will now see a world with new possibilities. But I mourn to my core that my daughter, like Obama's daughters, will most likely not see a woman president within my lifetime.

So, with all due respect to Michelle Obama (and I do mean real respect: she's strong without apology and we love her for it) and even Hillary herself, we do not want only to hear campaign surrogates giving us lip service. No, we want to hear from the man himself that he will represent and defend our interests and the interests of all of our daughters with ferocity. We want him to commit to us overtly and specifically, because the unfortunate reality is that we do not yet live in a society that transcends gender.

Barack Obama has the opportunity in both his acceptance speech and the campaign ahead to do what he has not yet done: to recognize and respect the intensity our grief by speaking directly to us and our issues ­ and then to challenge us to partner with him to mobilize that intensity to bring about change for all of our daughters. The onus is on you, Senator Obama. Speak to us. We'll be listening.

Leah McElrath Renna is a mother, a professional psychotherapist and a Managing Partner of the communications-consulting firm, Renna Communications.

For more Huffington Post coverage from the Democratic National Convention, visit our Politics @ the DNC page, our Democratic Convention Big News Page, and our HuffPost bloggers' Twitter feed, live from Denver.

Comments

[jcwtts1]

I've got to tell you I'm disgusted. What would have happened if Obama lost and black people cried like this. Talked about acknowledgment and grief. Would anyone care. Here is the deal since women won't take kindness. If you wish to be slaves, and that is what someone who does not have control over their own body is, if you want to be slaves vote for McCain or go home and don't vote at all. I don't care any more. No one can make a person vote in their own self interest. Women want to be courted, well the courtship is over. If women had attempted to come on board right away, if they had acted with a modicum of understanding and respect then we could negotiate something. But I will not be blackmailed by women who are going to vote our way anyway. I would rather lose than beg women to vote for Obama. I've said it and I mean it. Do what you feel women, but I'm sick to death of the whinning.

J

[laire]

jcwtts1,

I feel ya!

[Pupadup4oBama]

Well said!

[jcwtts1]

ps - the next woman who runs for office is going to face tons of resistance. The argument people will make is, we can't have a woman get close, because if she is even with a couple hundred delegates women will destroy the democratic party rather than admit that they LOST!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!­! I' was a women's studies minor in school and I am someone who is right on all of these issues politically and I've got to tell you I can't believe that women are this irrational. You don't have a right to these things ma'am you have the same ability to run a campaign as everyone else. The major flaw in your argument is that you begin by believing Obama did something to you. All he did was win. He didn't gender bait, while HIllary race baited, he didn't talk about men's issues an eschew women's issues, something Hillary did. I mean what do you want for the guy. The only way to make this woman happy is for Hillary to win and for Obama to lose. I just can't take it anymore.

[mesut]

I agree with your posts (1 & 2)

Why do a segment of woman require "respect" from Obama? I don't mean to make it a black and white issue but as a black woman if Obama lost then I would be disappointed but I voted to help him reach his goal. It is not a reflection of me because I did my part--I voted. I wouldn't be asking Sen Clinton for respect because that's giving her more power to play with than she's entitled too. Sen Clinton has taken all her "supporters" respect and turned it into a power trip. Because she can say "see, my supporters want me to win"....wh­en all along she wanted to win with and with their votes. My vote doesn't gurantee me respect. Truthfully, there's nothing that I trade for my respect. No man or woman can/will compromise that.

[Mesaywar]

Sooooo, now I get it! "Hillary women" don't want to be treated as adults, and offered information about what the differences between a "No-drama, One house one spouse" Obama and "bomb bomb bomb, shut up c**t"McCain presidencies would be and mean in their lives and those of their daughters; they just really just want to be "listened to" and made to feel they're worthwhile. My, how seventies. And all this time, I though it was about choosing and supporting the candidate most likely to pursue a public/political agenda that would improve ones lot in life, not a surrogate significant-other in the White House.

[LilyK]

How true, Mesaywar!

[MrTessier]

It is strange! I think they are treating this like a Survivor show and not the presidency of the united states. This really isn't a popularity contest any more. Given, that's what the primaries turned out to be, and it was oh so close, but now we're in the general election. This whole issue has been just press-bait the whole time. It really isn't worth discussion. No candidate in their right mind would sacrifice the needs of his entire party to try to appease 10,000 people (and I think that's about the number McCain will get).

I can't believe this is even going on, with all that is needed, and all that needs to be addressed, to insist that instead of addressing the country as a whole we instead address a tiny group of individuals is ludicrous.

[beaupritchard]

What do Hillary women want ... they want Hillary to be the winner ... and as long as she's not they are going to take ... take ... take like a vindictive wife in an uncontested divorce suit.

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

Even when McScumb refers to them as that special "C" word... that Hillary supporters just love.

[WorkingClass]

It still surprises me to read this kind of stuff. I would expect that some women, in private conversation, would say; If he would crawl and beg I might change my mind and vote for him. But I did not expect to see women stand up in public and shout it to the roof tops. Saying to Obama; if you really cared about how I feel, you wouldn't do this. I would think you would be embarrassed to admit that you view a national election as being all about your feelings.

Anyway - welcome to the club. I've been whining and complaining about the crappy way the party treats progressives for years. If you know any lefties or "people of color" give them a call. Ask them how they have dealt with mistreatment at the hands of the only major party that is not Republican. If you don't know any such people you may be a Republican trapped in a Democratic body. In that case, you might want to find an understanding Republican to come out to.

[Mesaywar]

Thank you. For a while there, I felt myself transported way back in time.

[marthlois]

Frankly, I think it would have done a lot of us good if straight-forward letters like this - that speak of the grieving of the Hillary supporters were going through and what they wanted to help - would have been a lot more productive than having the Obama supporters being attacked at each and every turn for the past few months. The grief and disappointments of Hillary's supporters turned into substantial anger. THAT would have been a great time for some counsel for both parties. Unfortunately, there were no letters of reason during that time. And while angers raged on both sides, perhaps Hillary could have also reached out and written to Obama supporters about the feelings of you all, about the grief you experienced. She was silent and angry. Barack has reached out & please do not forget that both contenders were no doubt smarting from the attacks thrown their way - Hillary, in spite of how you feel - was not the only one hurt please understand. I fervently believe that there are only two individuals who understand all that has gone on. Hillary and Barack. None of us should presume that either is in the right or in the wrong. I do sincerely hope that Barack can give all of you what you want and need tonight. Please give him a chance so that we can all pull together & fight for all of our rights.

[MrTessier]

Very well said.

[Micah616]

That may be what "Hillary Women'" want, but what they need to do is grow up.

Obama has gone out of his way to pander to your so-called issues. He'll continue to do more pandering, and you'll all still moan and whine like petulant children. There are serious problems in America, and many of those problems affect ALL Americans.

Try looking at his record, and look at the records of his opponents. Look at his wife and daughters. Make your decision, but think about what the choice really is. Do you want the country to move forward, or are you going to run back into the warm embrace of the same people who actually oppress you?

[Yohomegirl]

Wake UP! What you'd better want is not another four more years of Bush! You should be embarrassed to put 'your wants' ahead of what a nation needs! And I believe that 'the angry women' faction have set women back. What it says is, 'when a woman is in the race, all the rules change, and you must wait for her to decide she has lost'.

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

A wonderful post!

[Tinsdale]

The Senator Cinton supporters who will vote for McCain fit into Game Theory analysis.
They conform to losing players in the "Ultimatum Game."
" The "Ultimatum Game" is roughly outlined like this:
Two total strangers are picked at random.
They have never met and they will never meet again.
They are placed in separate rooms.
One of them is given someting of value that could be shared, say $100.00. The person with the money then is instructed to devise a way to divide the money with the other person. The "money-holder" can only make a one-time offer. Both people are instructed that if the other person accepts the split , they can share the money as agreed. The second person gets only one chance to accept. However, if the offer is refused, both get nothing.
Even if the person with the money offers a 90/10 split both get something. If the second person says "No! It's not fair that you get more!" they both walk away empty handed.
It seems like the Clinton/McCain supporters would rather say "No! Its not Fair!" harming their own interest and abandoning the opportunity to benefit in some way.

[desert diarist]

Thanks for an excellent post. A little respect goes a long way, and as an HRC supporter what disturbs me most is the vitriol still being levied by some Obama fans in places like the HuffPo. Stop the hate and we can be productive together. The stakes are just too high to do otherwise. Was I devastated by the close loss (remember friends, it was a razor-thin margin that separated our dear candidates)? Of course. Do I have my own theories as to why it happened? Definitely. Will any of that stop me from voting the Obama-Biden ticket? Absolutely not. No one who believes in Hillary's causes could vote McCain in good conscience.

[Violist]

Right on

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

I like you so much! Spoken...u­m, typed beautifully!

[jcwtts1]

remember friends, it was a razor-thin margin that separated our dear candidates

See this is the problem It was not razor thin. The reason you all have lost your darn minds is that you think it is razor thin. It was a BLOW OUT. A hundred delegates in a proportional system is an impossible margin of victory. The entire process was over in Feb. By the end of the 13-0 run her chances of winning were 1-20. She would have had to win every remain contest by a huge margin, and that included the states where Obama beat her by a huge margin like Oregon. She COULD NOT WIN, and every single Hillary person knew this to be true. There was no razor thin margin. She lost after super tuesday when she didn't put him away. The delegate total after super tuesday was Obama up on her. Here is a question. What would women say if Hillary had more delegates and the supers made Obama the nominee? They would have gone insane. Blacks are just like women. If they had stripped him blacks would have gone insane and McCain would have won PA, MD, OH, MI, NJ, etc. And unlike women there are no race based issues being decided by the next president. Roe is in danger, Af Action is gone already. What issue would have kept blacks voting dem? None. But women have to vote dem to save Roe.
J

[clearthinker2008]

No, they want Hillary to be President.

[hudsuckerproxy]

As a woman and former Clinton supporter, I don't require acknowledgment (although I have no doubt Obama will offer it in his acceptance speech as he has done in previous speeches). What I DO require is a Democratic victory in November. The self-indulgent grief of alienated Clinton supporters isn't helping us to achieve that goal. It's past time to move on and do all we can to ensure that the horrific prospect of a McCain presidency never becomes a reality.

[notthistime]

"although I have no doubt Obama will offer it in his acceptance speech as he has done in previous speeches. "

Thank you.

[ecotopian]

Does it matter? Nothing O does will mean anything to them. Remember, to them it's all about her, not the ultimate goal of getting rid of the Republicans.

[VickyK]

Why does everyone assume that there are only two choices on the ballot?

Right now, I am planning on voting for McKinney.

And don't tell me how awful it will be if McCain wins. The Democrats gave us the new FISA law, including Obama. The Democrats gave us the Iraq war. Don't delude yourselves.

[clearthinker2008]

There ARE only two possible winners on the ballot.

[ProudLiberalDan]

No, there are likely to be at least three other candidates on enough states totalling 270 electoral votes.

Obama and McCain aren't entitled to anything, least of all anyone's vote.

[Paul Peete - Huffpost Blogger]

You Vicky are the delusional one. The Bush lies, even to the Congress, and with Cheney's help in moving the Millers of the MSM, and Powell played on our fears to give us the war and the Homeland Security Admin, which stripped our freedoms away. Go ahead, waste your vote, Ms. McKinney is a good person, but you may as well do what you really want to do, vote for McBush.

[ProudLiberalDan]

With all due respect, it sounds like you are the delusional one.

In a democracy, no one is "entitled" to anyone's vote. I'm voting for Obama, but a vote for McKinney or Nader or Barr or Mickey Mouse is a vote for that person. It's only a two-party system in the media.

If Obama loses enough of the base because of his moves to the center and that causes him to lose, that's the fault of his campaign.

Everyone has the right to vote their conscience whether the two major parties like it or not. That said, I'm hoping she will hold her nose and vote for Obama. I know I am going to.

[MissT]

"Right now, I am planning on voting for McKinney."

This sounds like a decision based on principals which I can respect. That would be the obvious alternative. But to claim JMc as the alternative to HRC is to delgitimize the argument against OB and sounds like nothing but BS.

All this psychobabble presented by Ms Renna and others like her is hogwash. Sounds she and those like her could use some of that Psychotherapy noted in her credentials.

[Yohomegirl]

Yeah! Hillary voted for that damn war!~ A vote for McKinny, whoever the hell he or she is, is a vote for McCain. Don't skirt around it, if you vote for anyone other than Barack, you want McCain.

[ProudLiberalDan]

Nonsense. I'm voting for Obama, but it's more more rational for a pissed off feminist to vote for McKinney, someone who support gender equality and reproductive choice than anti-woman, anti-choice McCain.

A vote for the person you vote for is the vote for the person you vote for. Obama is not entitled to anyone's vote. If his triangulation and moves to the center causes the left to vote for McKinney, that's the fault of Obama's campaign.

[jcwtts1]

grow up. in a two party system, either you vote to change who is in power or your vote helps keep people in power. As simple as that.

J

[ProudLiberalDan]

Hey, I'm voting for Obama, but you need to grow up. We are not a two-party system except in the eyes of the media.

[Eoin45]

"I'll tell you the secret about what many of the millions of women who voted for Hillary really want: acknowledg­ement." Get it through your thick skull" This is not about you! Grow the h**l up.

[marye13]

I beg your pardon Eoin45 - You are wrong and that's what you people don't get - It's about us just as much as it is about you - I think you are the ones who need to "grow the h**l up. btw-before you reply again with such disdain for our feelings - I'm supporting BO and I'm encouraging my fellow HRC supporters to do the same. The one thing I do agree with you about is that Mc is not an option and a 3rd party vote is a throw-away.

[notthistime]

what Eoin45 is saying is -- look Obama is the nominee. He won fair and square. If Hillary was a man -- would we be having this conversation? Which candidate in history who has lost a race drops out with a laundry list of requirements that the nominee must fulfill to him and his supporters to include providing a venue so that the supporters can experience a catharsys?

Name just one.

All I am saying is this whole thing makes it harder for another woman be considered a legitimate option for running for the presidency. Too much baggage, too much tip toeing around her, too much having to worry about her needing a catharsys.

[NorVaGal]

I would never have wanted or expected Hillary Clinton to grovel at the feet of Obama supporters for their votes, if she had won the nomination. I would have unhappily conceded that she won, was now the Dem nominee, and was our only hope for defeating McCain and the continuation of the Bush/Cheney. I would have therefore supported her with whatever cash I could scrape together whenever I could, and gladly bestowed my vote upon her in November, while praying fervently for her victory.

I do not want ANY Dem nominee to ever be demeaned, as bitterend Clinton supporters are doing to Obama. Acceding to their unreasonable demands would make our nominee look weak and unable to lead. They will NEVER vote for Obama, regardless of what he says or agrees to, because they have lost all perspective of what a McCain victory would mean to our country. They no longer CARE. Now, it's personal and all about THEM-- not what is good or right for America.

Therefore, we can no longer care about them. They have made their choice, as is their right. It is time to move on from the Clinton deadenders. We will win or lose without them. So be it.