What Do Hillary Women Want?

I'll tell you the secret about what many of the millions of women who voted for Hillary really want: acknowledgement. Yep. That's it. Well, that's not all, of course. But that's the secret part, the part that appears to be eluding the leaders of the Obama campaign and making their efforts to win the allegiance of Hillary supporters so dangerously ineffective. The onus for winning over Clinton supporters is not on the Clintons, contrary to current conventional wisdom, but rather on Obama himself.

You've no doubt heard the media reiterating talking points about how the way to win the votes of women is to hit hard on economic issues since those are the issues that impact families with painful immediacy. There's some validity to that point. After all, many of the women who were and who remain most strongly identified with Hillary are mothers. We care about our loved ones. We carry the burden of trying to make it work when the ends don't meet the middle. We worry about the future. A lot.

However, if you listen closely, you'll also hear the unwritten assumption that appears to constitute the Obama campaign's strategy toward this large, critical and, usually, faithfully Democratic demographic: "Well, who else are they going to vote for anyway? Let's focus our energies on the Independents" I think of this as the "we've got them by their Roe v. Wade" presumption. The thought also has some validity since the stakes are certainly very high. However, especially with McCain's campaign aggressively courting Hillary supporters, Obama cannot afford to presume anyone's automatic support.

This was no ordinary primary season for Democrats. Women and people of color have been disenfranchised and taken for granted by the Democratic Party for years. This time, however, we were able to back candidates (candidates who actually had a chance to win) with whom we could personally identify. Whether you are a woman, a person of color, some other kind of "other" or some combination of the prior groups, the experience of witnessing a biracial man and a woman as the two final potential Democratic presidential candidates was powerful.

What continues to make it hard for many of us to commit to the Obama cause is his very lack of overt commitment to us. He and his campaign have focused too much on Hillary Clinton herself and missed countless opportunities to reach out directly to those of us who supported her. He seems to feel it is sufficient to lump us into his idealistically inclusive "we," and, in doing so, he fails both to respect and to witness the enormity of our loss. For it was our loss as women, not just Hillary Clinton's. The reality is that we are not bitter. We are grieving.

For all of us, not just Obama supporters, this Democratic primary season evoked intense emotions. We were called upon to be hopeful and we were. We dared to set free longings and desires so deep and personal that they have been contained historically in the secret places within our individual and collective psyches. And, now, some of those longings have been at least partially fulfilled. And some have not. The grief of those of us whose longings were once again thwarted accounts for much of the continuing resistance of Hillary supporters.

So what do we grieving women want from Obama? We want him to acknowledge that our hope was as valid as the hope of his supporters and that our longing will not go unrecognized. We want him to claim our loss as his own on behalf of his daughters and to speak to women's issues directly. In a very real sense, Hillary's loss is a loss for all of us. I celebrate the fact that countless children of all races and skin color will now see a world with new possibilities. But I mourn to my core that my daughter, like Obama's daughters, will most likely not see a woman president within my lifetime.

So, with all due respect to Michelle Obama (and I do mean real respect: she's strong without apology and we love her for it) and even Hillary herself, we do not want only to hear campaign surrogates giving us lip service. No, we want to hear from the man himself that he will represent and defend our interests and the interests of all of our daughters with ferocity. We want him to commit to us overtly and specifically, because the unfortunate reality is that we do not yet live in a society that transcends gender.

Barack Obama has the opportunity in both his acceptance speech and the campaign ahead to do what he has not yet done: to recognize and respect the intensity our grief by speaking directly to us and our issues ­ and then to challenge us to partner with him to mobilize that intensity to bring about change for all of our daughters. The onus is on you, Senator Obama. Speak to us. We'll be listening.

Leah McElrath Renna is a mother, a professional psychotherapist and a Managing Partner of the communications-consulting firm, Renna Communications.

For more Huffington Post coverage from the Democratic National Convention, visit our Politics @ the DNC page, our Democratic Convention Big News Page, and our HuffPost bloggers' Twitter feed, live from Denver.

Comments

[zanngra]

Good Lord, will it ever end. Let's be real, for some of you, no matter what he does it will never be enough. I think he could stand on a mountain top and read your names off individually and beg for your support and you still wouldn't be satisfied. You know how I know he respects me, by standing up for women's issues. You know how I know McCain doesn't respect me he not only doesn't stand up for women's issues, he votes against them. (including equal pay). I don't need an engraved love letter from Obama, I'll I have to do is read his positions on the issues. That's respect!

[mediawatcher1975]

I think that you are personalizing the arguement to flawed level. Hillary was not a personification of the dreams of all women. She was a candidate who by all evidence was not able to manage a substantial advantage. She was not the capable leader that will be the first woman president. Get over it and lets focus on the bigger picture...­the future of the country. If you, or people like you vote for McCain then you are petty and juvenile. There are no "Hillary democrats"­...we are Democrats and the values that we share are what should tie us together.

[lafrance]

I am totally ticked off and not at Clinton supporters.
The media has been ginning this whole thing up more and more. First it was a little then they exploded in an orgy over the weekend of pushing the faux controversy of Clinton vs Obama.
All day today they have been only talking about that while trashing Obama over everything he does and is setting Hillary up to take the fall for their nefarious dealings.
They have been gushing over McSame and talking him up like they did Bush in 2000. They have done nothing but, trash Obama and give voters the impression he is lacking and driving them away. While doing so they keep injecting the Clintons and her supporters for being resistent. What they want is to sabatoge Obama's chances of getting elected and then pin the blame on Clinton and her supporters.
Is either side going to allow the press to divide us and do this to us again?

[renatam]

REVENGE. ENVY. SPITE.

Hillary.

[idahospud44]

The Clintons always get off the hook don't they? Well, since you Hillary people seem to like: :"Some straight talk, my friends" Bill Clinton was advertised as the greatest politician of his time. This "genius" literally got caught with his pants down when he knew the neocons were after him. He could have avoided the entire impeachment if he would have just paid off Paula and not stubbornly testified and got caught in a lie. Because of this Al Gore, a good and decent man, was put in a horribly weak position and lost to George Bush, Look at all the suffering this caused to the very people the Hillary supporters claim they love. Now, we have the chance to get a good, smart young man into the White House and they are pouting.Th­e Clintons gave us George Bush- if they give us John McCain that means that they will be responsible for 12 years of Republican rule. The Clinton time is over. How many good people have to suffer at the Clinton altar? Hillary supporters will sentence their fellow sisters and brothers who need their help and trusted them to more years of neocon nonsense. Their legacy will be tarnished and all the benefits they worked for in the 90's wasted.

[j0em0mma]

Who the Heck is Hillary Clinton anyway??? To me, she is the "Kitchen Sinker" who voted against banning cluster bombs which are in the news again because donor nations have reneged on clean up for Israel's use of them on civilians in Lebanon where they have killed numerous children and clean-up crews.

What, precisely, are these die-hard Clintonites looking for?? I am a man, but I would never consider voting for someone on gender alone. How can they push so hard for someone who has shown such disdain for the majority of voters who selected Obama. Someone who has so much disdain for human life that she didn't even read the NIE before voting to approve war in Iraq? I cannot for the life of me figure out who these people are, either the Clintons or their supporters.

[jurr]

Bill AND Hill need to get in line behind Obama, just like he would have done for Hill had she come out on top. Bill needs to shut up and support the party, he has already had his fair share of the spotlight.

[mesut]

Okay, so everyone stand in line and throw out what they want Obama to do for them. I'm single, black, mother of two. What can I ask Sen Obama to do for me as president? This is nuts to me. One man shouldn't have to give hope to women. Women should have it and demand it not only from their president but their congress person senators, mayors, governors. Everyone is responsible but to hold Obama to task is ridiculous. At what point did Sen Clinton make her campaign strictly/seriously about women's issues? Or was it just a given because she was a woman. Sen Obama hasn't singled me out as a single mother and spoke specifically to me. I have to get in where I fit in and hope that he speaks to my concerns. I can't believe the HOPE of all women rest on the shoulders of just Sen Clinton and because she didn't make it then we as women won't succeed. Then we should shift our focus and demand more but not simply hold Sen Obama responsible. In the case of respect, no man or woman can give me respect nor would I put that kind of power in their hands because it's easy to be disappointed when I don't get it.

I don't need anyone to validate what others fought so hard for me and my children to have a right to do. I'm simply grateful I can and know my vote counts.

[dbm1966]

It seems like Barack Obama simply cannot do enough to please certain Clinton supporters. Yes, she is a capable woman and would have been a formidable presidential nominee. But the truth is, she did not run a good campaign and lost. It has nothing to do with sex. Yes, many women were upset by this, but Sen. Obama has repeatedly acknowledged Sen. Clinton and her supporters. For example, from the 7/10/08 speech with Sens. Clinton and Obama, Obama stated:

"Hillary and I may have started with separate goals in this campaign, but together, we shattered barriers that have stood firm since the founding of this nation. Of course, we all know that one election can't erase the biases and outdated attitudes we're still wrestling to overcome. And we know there were times during this campaign when those biases emerged. But while this campaign has shown us how far we have to go, we also know that because of what Hillary accomplished, my daughters and yours look at themselves a little differently today. They're dreaming a little bigger and setting their sights a little higher today."

He went on, asking about what kind of future must be built for women, and relating the stories of Michelle, his mother and his grandmother. He did everything you asked for. He also put her name in nomination. Sen. Clinton's speaking at the convention. What more do you want?

[Shellly]

I watched Chris Matthews yesterday on MSNBC as he worked the rope line in Denver towards the end of his broadcast, and 98% of those asked were supporting Obama. Exactly who are these 18 million supporters of Hillary that needs respect, reaching out, soothing?

I don't hear McCain reaching out to Romney's, Giuliani's or Huckabee supporters!

The competition was between Hillary and Barack and he beat her fair and square. what is the problem? Bill Clinton couldn't even bring himself to come out and say that Barack is qualified to be president, and he is still given a plum speaking spot at the convention!

I applaud Sen. Obama time and again for rising above the muck and mire and showing how much of a better person he is. He puts the party before his own ambition, unlike others who would much rather cause strife than promote unity.

[readyfornewleadership]

Greiving?? Give me a break. I fully expect to see a woman president in my daughters' lifetimes and she'll, no doubt, be a higher quality candidate than Hillary, who ran a fatally flawed campaign (on her husband's coattails). THAT IS WHY SHE LOST. All this junior high drama makes women look we don't know how to compete.

54 year old white woman
Obama/Biden08

[queenisabella]

ditto
+
with all due respect, this "article" is ridiculous and insults my intelligence as a woman, I checked Obama's voting record for women, I read his policies, listened to him, (so I heard it from him directly) and as a democrat that is all I need to know.

"grief" or emotions have nothing to do w/our choices in politics, get behind our Nominee with no further ado, these are dismal, useless considerations when one thinks our children can be drafted by the next McBush
talk about grief for us women and mothers then!

[notthistime]

all this does is make it more difficult for another woman to run.

[ProudLiberalDan]

It's not only about women who feel disappointed.

There are a lot or working class voters for whom McCain's simplistic policies have emotional appeal. A scared and angry people want to believe in simple solutions. Unfortunately, Obama's detailed policies don't translate easily into 30 second soundbites. However, his campaign needs to find a way. Many of these people don't bother to go to the internet and read the latest books. They get their information from television and sometimes their conservative leaning newspaper.

There needs to be a tactical shift from railing against "old politics" to railing against "old policies". Bush's economic policies have totally failed and McCain will only continue them. An effective 30-second ad can easily be made. Of course, Obama would have to dare to put aside this "new politics" to piss off conservatives by criticizing not just their divisive "politics" but their failed "policies". He has nothing to lose.

If you haven't noticed, the conservative and neoconservative movement isn't interested in "new politics". They are interested in being as ruthless as they have to be to hold onto the crumbs of power through McCain. Therefore, Obama needs to start criticizing the substance of their failed policies, not just the style of their politics. Hopefully Biden will show more fight than Obama has shown.

[dbm1966]

You're so on point. If you have the patience and intellect to look at what these two men are saying, Obama is the only candidate who makes sense. Unfortunately, we live in a country with no patience and a shrinking collective intellect. The Republicans have known this for quite some time. That's why they are excellent at creating the catchy sound bites that the masses decide must be true because they're catchy or they rhyme. Obama and the Democrats must learn from this. They must learn to campaign like Republicans. Otherwise, people will tune out to the message and vote for the Republican.

[altohone]

Which Hillary are we talking about?

The populist progressive liberal we saw on the campaign trail?

Or the DLC corporatist from her voting record?


I think this post is just providing cover (or preventing a discussion that broaches the subject) for all the Democrats that either believed her rhetoric while ignoring her record or those who knew her record and support the right wing agenda she voted for.

Those who object to Obama due to ideology are purposefully inventing other justifications in order to mislead the underinformed.

[VikingLS]

Don't we have a woman 3rd in line to the presidency right now? I don't see why Clinton's loss means we won't have a woman president. Her near win suggests that we probably will.

[ashenthorn]

Exactly, and hopefully it will be a woman whose victory makes it crystal clear that any woman, regardless of background can ascend to the highest office in the land. If Obama was the adopted son of Warren Buffet, what would it say about the ability of the average black man to become president? Nothing. Just as a Hillary Clinton presidency would say nothing at all about the presidential prospects of the average, hard working woman. Unlike Clinton's, Obama's candidacy is a historic achievement because he is a black man arisen from nothing, and is one step from the presidency as a result of nothing but his own hard work, brilliance and acheivement.

[notthistime]

"Obama's candidacy is a historic achievement because he is a black man arisen from nothing, and is one step from the presidency as a result of nothing but his own hard work, brilliance and acheivemen­t."

exact.y ashenthorn. good post.

[metalpipe]

For all you Hillary supporters switching to McCain I really do not want to hear you guys complaining when Roe gets overturned, women's pay goes down, gay rights are all but a thing of the past, your pay drops to new lows, health care costs rise without end, gas prices make new highs, we get caught in wars without end all over the world, and when our world standing falls to zero, I want you guys to look in the mirror and say I let my soar grapes put the country in this state. I do not want to hear one bad thing about McCain since you found it so necessary to punish Obama for some perceived slight against Hillary.

When we are 2 or 3 years into the McCain White house I do not want to hear former Hillary now McCain supporters complaining that women have lost jobs, pay, and rights. I just do not want to hear the bitching and complaining about how bad McCain is. You are trying to get back at Obama with lies, tricks, and half truths and you shall reap the consequences if McSame gets in office.

*Repost from an ABC story on Obama's half brother in Kenya* that I totally agree with.

[gwinegarden]

You don't think they will accept any responsibility? It will all be Obama's fault.

Four more years! NOT

[Burnsey]

I'm unsure as to why the "who else are they going to vote for" line is bothering you all so much. African Americans, LGBT, and other minorities have been hearing that line for years, and not just from the male establishment, but from the very likes of all you disconcerted Clinton fans.

I really would like to know what makes you feel so entitled to be treated so differently from every other group within the party as a whole? I don't get it, I really do not understand why you feel more entitled than the groups you have in the past told to get on board, who else are you gonna vote for. We've been hearing that from you for years, all the time being told we needed to step up for the sake of the party. Why was it ok when you held some sway, but not now that you lost it?

I do understand feeling dissed by the Party, but if you really think that the potential damage of A McCain Administration is worth this particular line in the sand, then don't blame the democratic party when a woman's right to choose is taken away or any other woman's issue for that matter. Yes, your votes matter, but if you vote for the republican and he takes away your rights, don't come crying to us. Cause you'll only have 18 million friends to blame.

[VickyK]

It bothers me because it is an awful way to treat people. As a lesbian, I am tired of it. As a woman, I am tired of it. As a Democratic Party activist for decades, I am just tired of it. It turns people off, and it doesn't work (or wasn't anyone paying attention in 2004?).

I thought that the whole Obama message was supposed to be about hope for a different type of politics.

[notthistime]

"I do understand feeling dissed by the Party" - how was she dissed? Because Barack had the gall to win fair and square even after the kitchen sink strategy?

[benfunks]

Who is this person listening too?
Barack Obama raised by a single mother with a grandmother being a primary breadwinner in his household during his formative years doesn't understand the challenges women face. He is married to a woman who was his supervisor at his law firm. But he isn't understanding enough of the challenges to women in this country and economy?
I only can assume she is listening to the Media and not watching Senator Obama's speeches on youtube or reading his positions on BarackObama.com.
If he isn't understanding of challenges to women, no man ever will be.