04/27/2011 03:42 pm ET | Updated Jun 27, 2011

The Financial Commitment Ends With The Marriage

You mean you didn't get the memo? Well, let me enlighten you, when the marriage ends, the financial commitment to you as the husband or wife ends as well. The only financial commitment that is left is to that of the children.

Don't get me wrong, life would be grandiose if the money were rolling in on my ex's dime, but alas, that is not reality. And, no, I don't believe in alimony. I believe that alimony is a way to get paid for the years of marriage, and weren't your paid during your marriage? Didn't you live in a nice house and carry a joint credit card around? Those days are now long gone.

You are divorced. That means it's time to pull on your big girl panties or your big boy boxers and start your own life. Just think about how great it will feel when you get that first pay check with your name on it. Just think of how empowered you will be to know that the food you are putting on your table came from your pocket.

It's scary to admit it, but it will feel good and right and more importantly, fair. When you are no longer married, everything should go to the kids. All child support should be for the kids to live on, not the ex. The ex now needs to go and make their own way into the world. Will this be a popular view? I doubt it, but this is not a popularity contest, but a reality contest, and the reality of the situation is this, you are now a single and not a couple.

What does this mean? It means that you live like a single, work like a single and pay your bills like a single. Child support goes to the kids. I understand you may have been a stay at home mom, but when the couple becomes a single, that option rarely exists anymore. And, no, we don't think to ourselves that we best keep up with our education or our contacts for job opportunities before we got married, because who thinks they will end up divorced?

Look at it this way, before you got married, you were single, and as a single person, you had to rely on yourself to pay your bills. No, you might not have had kids then, but you also didn't have an ex to share the responsibility of raising those children. And, that responsibility should be shared. Working late? Tell the ex to pick up the kids. They can do it just as easily as you can, and more importantly, should do it just as willingly and easily as you can. And when you do, you need to scavenge and hunt for every last nickel and dime to just get by.

There will be times when you will feel as if you are scavenging for every last nickel and dime to just get by, but it is your nickel and dime, and can be spent or saved on your terms. Forget about the shoulda, coulda or woulda and focus on the shall, can and will. Get away from the I got screwed mentality and get into the I'm going to make my own way into the world come hell or high water mentality. After all, when the kids grow up and the child support stops, you still have to support yourself.