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Lee Block

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Why Women File For Divorce

Posted: 03/ 5/2012 10:15 pm

I have been married twice and divorced twice and I filed for divorce both times. The reasons why I filed aren't really that important, as they are between me, myself, my ex's and the statistics that 70 percent of women file for divorce. What is important to know is whether or not I wanted either marriage to work, my respective spouses did not.

It Takes Two to Tango

Have you ever danced by yourself? It's not nearly as much fun as dancing with a partner. That's what it's like when you are in a marriage that you are trying desperately to make work, while your spouse is sitting around picking his nose. And, yes, I am using male pronouns because the statistics tell us that women file 70 percent of all divorces.

Everyone was astounded when the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray came out. It was eye opening as to the differences between how men and women operated from the boardroom to the bedroom, although I don't think many women were that astonished by the differences, as we had lived with it for generations.

The book told most of us, us being women, what we already know -- that we want to work out our differences and talk things out and that most men don't. It is also pointed out that the harder we push to make our partner dance with us the more often we dance alone.

Put Aside The Statistics

Statistics aside, the reasons women file for divorce is a big discussion on this site, with studies cited in the comments from Australia and Google Scholar to studies that took place in the early 1990's. In fact, it is hard to find current studies that feature a large number of men and women in a decent age range or covers every instance from custodial to noncustodial to shared custody and he said, she said to they said.

I went to Google Scholar and typed in every combination of "reasons for divorce" and wasn't willing to pay for the articles that popped up. The only one that was free was from Australia, which didn't do much good, because I was looking for studies conducted in the United States. If you go to EmpowHer.com, they have an article quoted from the cdc.gov, which is the only source where you can get true divorce statistics for this country.

Why Do Statistics Matter?

This would be the million-dollar question. Why do statistics matter? Have they lowered the divorce rate? No. Has knowing that women file for divorce more because they don't feel as if men communicate forced men to communicate? Obviously not.

Statistics reflect past history without future solutions. Will new laws that make it tougher to get a divorce make it better for men regarding custody or child support or even force women to stay in a marriage where they might feel worthless and alone? Who knows. And, more importantly, is that what we want for our children? We want them to see that a marriage is supposed be two people who live together but never speak and really don't even like each other, much less love each other? Remember, it takes two to make it work, so if only one part of the couple is trying, the relationship is failing.

The Reasons Women File for Divorce

Here's a novel thought -- I can't tell you the reasons why most women have filed for divorce and neither can you, and studies from 1996 can't tell you either. In fact, from my own experience, I can assure you that the reasons can't be put into a single category. It should be pretty easy to find out; ask any woman who has filed. I am sure in the comments, plenty will tell why they filed, and please, all of you women who did file, feel free to speak up if you feel comfortable.

I don't know the laws of every state, but I do know that who files for divorce in my state doesn't matter in terms of custody, child support, alimony or anything else except ego. It's not a race to the courthouse for custody, and I would be willing to guess that you men men who complain that your ex-wives filed knew tey spouse were going to file before they did. I would bet they told you a thousand times and you didn't believe them or even listen to them.

If you wanted to win the race to the courthouse, you should have read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, put on your running shoes and sprinted to your attorney's office to file the paperwork first. You might still have the same outcome regarding child support and custody, but at least you would stop complaining about why women file for divorce.

 

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