Celebrities Are Just Like Regular People? Nay!

Can we all just accept the fact that celebrities are NOT like you and me. Every magazine or gossip show loves to have a little section or segment where they tell us how celebrities are JUST LIKE regular people.

It's always like, "Look! Charlize Theron has a person who drives her car for her, just like you and I do when we're on a bus! Celebrities are like you and me. And celebrities have $100,000 worth of breast implants kinda like the way you had your wisdom teeth removed! And look, Josh Hartnett got whacked out of his skull on coke and then had marathon sex with Scarlett Johansson just like that time you got high on some strong espresso and then got to second base with an extra from that Trident commercial! Celebrities are just like regular people!! And they have Greco-roman columns hand-carved in Switzerland and shipped to the US before being installed by a team of Geishas and Buddhist monks in order to cleanse the mansion's spirit. It's kinda like the way you had your prefabricated home built in Nebraska and shipped ALL THE WAY to another part of Nebraska before being installed by an elite team of mustard-stained construction workers hitting on your wife! Celebrities are just like everybody else!!

Let's cut the crap. In general, big celebrities live in a ridiculous Never-Never-Land nightmarish fantasy life that you and I can't even begin to imagine. It's probably like being trapped in an orgy in the middle of Willy Wonka's factory -- it's a paradise until 12 hours later when you want to GET THE F*CK OUT! And an hour after you get out, you want back in. Just ask Gary Coleman.

Anyway, whether I'm right or wrong about the Wonka-esque-ality of it all, big celebrities are still nothing like regular people. Maybe there are some similarities, but there are an equal number of similarities in the new Us Weekly segment "Plants are just like you and me! ...Ever had a drink of water? So have they!"

 

 

 

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Comments

[estherrose]

02:25 PM on 01/08/2009

Hilarious! Keep 'em comin'.

[GrainOSand]

04:40 AM on 01/08/2009

The story of celebrity as drug, as life defining, is like Cinderella without the happy ending. The clocks strikes and you are yesterday's news and left barefoot and who you were always...beyond celebrity. Thus, celebrities are just like everyone else. What they can access in society is so many layers of distraction from the constant drumbeat of what cannot be denied, cannot be escaped, and cannot be fantasized away. This is why I do not idolize other human beings. I have music I like, and films, and paintings, and ballets, operas, and sports, but to follow the life of an individual when I have the complexities of my own to attend to...does not make sense to me. This is why I also do not take much interest in knowing what Mr. Obama’s kids are doing. I trust he and Mrs. Obama are good parents so I do not need to concern myself with the parenting back-story. I understand why such information is compelling to some, it just is not to me, though I hope those two beautiful and sweet little girls are having the time of their lives and learning all they can. I hope they are in no way negatively impacted by the glare of the spotlight. I trust the Obama’s to make that happen.

Celebrity is not the thing that distinguishes, artistry is. Anyone can be a celebrity -- ask Joe the Plumber and homegirl on the View.

[RoseMerry]

10:57 PM on 01/07/2009

It's like what Laurie Anderson once said, "Heaven is just like where you are right now...only a whole lot BETTER!"

[carrieanna]

03:40 PM on 01/07/2009

I like the "celebrities without makeup" photo spreads best.

[HarryP]

03:18 PM on 01/07/2009

Didn't sleep well last night? Got nightmares?
What celeb gave you a dirty look?

[RRonin]

02:46 PM on 01/07/2009

"Celebrities" devote their lives to not being like us. Most of them are formerly "us" and hated it when they were "us". To them, being "us" sucks!