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Lee Stranahan

Lee Stranahan

Posted February 12, 2009 | 04:50 PM (EST)

I Hereby Nominate Myself for Commerce Secretary


President Obama is 0 for 2 trying to find a commerce secretary. Bill Richardson quit. Judd Gregg quit. So as a service to the President, I am throwing myself into the fray and officially declaring my willingness to be nominated as the next Secretary Of Commerce.

I will be "the People's Commerce Secretary," since I have no formal education or relevant experience and since the last grade I actually completed was eighth. I don't own a suit, have a distinct absence of a haircut and my comical lack of teeth give me the seldom seen in public service look of a hillbilly hockey goalie. Also, I'm not clear on what the Commerce Secretary does.

I do know it has something to do with money. Yes, I have had tax liens. Yes, I currently have four outstanding payday loans. Yes, I am behind in both my car payments and rent. Yes, I am totally unqualified for the position of Commerce Secretary. But - unlike the two previous nominees. - I am no quitter.

If nominated, if I will sit there while members of both political parties lambaste me over all the stuff even a quick Google search of my name would turn up - my repeated and pointless use of profanity, the hundreds of erotic and fetish photos I've taken, and my "comedy" videos suggesting that Hillary Clinton would have punched a baby in the face to win the Presidential nomination. I would proudly fail a drug test and if any Congresspeople or Senators talked shit to me, I'd have to put the smack down because I'm not playing like that, for real.

These hearings won't be fun for me or Congress but they will make awesome television. And I am pretty sure all I have to do is lean over into the microphone ominously and occasionally sweat.

And I can do that.

President Obama is 0 for 2 trying to find a commerce secretary. Bill Richardson quit. Judd Gregg quit. So as a service to the President, I am throwing myself into the fray and officially declaring my ...
President Obama is 0 for 2 trying to find a commerce secretary. Bill Richardson quit. Judd Gregg quit. So as a service to the President, I am throwing myself into the fray and officially declaring my ...
 
 
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DoTheMath
We're outspent, but they're outnumbered
11:03 PM on 02/12/2009
In this economy I can't believe it's so hard to find good help - with benefits and everything!
08:20 PM on 02/12/2009
How can Rahm and Axlerod be so stupid.

Gregg wanted to abolish commerce.
And the only reason he wanted the job was to gut the census disenfranchise labor and serve the right wing, by ripping the cajones (what is left) of a department that he hated.

Question is why did Obama even accept him in the first place.

And enough of this knee jerk defense of everything Obama. Obama yes, but his advisors and Rahm Emanuel are the problem and will be the destruction of the progrsssive movement.
07:10 PM on 02/12/2009
And don't forget that in a pinch, it always works to say "I don't remember".
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vesaversa1
Politics is made up largely of irrelevancies.
06:17 PM on 02/12/2009
Your hired
or have my support only if you can explain to me who was the commerce secretary over the pass 16 years and what is it they do.?
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QueenTiye
05:29 PM on 02/12/2009
LOL! OK, well, it would certainly be .... different! I'm going to have to go with Mike Bloomberg in NYC.

QT
05:14 PM on 02/12/2009
Krugman would rather be part of the problem than part of the solution; forget him. And I really like how Judd Gregg waited until the president was out of town before "resigning". Coward.
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04:55 PM on 02/12/2009
Krugman.
Sorry.