Jon & Kate and John & Elizabeth and How We Make Them Possible
John and Elizabeth Edwards had the high honor of gracing the front cover of the National Enquirer with reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin recently, but the couples have more in common than having a couple of Jo(h)ns accused of cheating by the tabloids. Both the Edwardses and the Gosselins seem to be trapped inside media magnified marriages that few of us can possibly understand.
Welcome to the purgatory of the Professional Marriage, where the relationship becomes a business entity and where dissolution takes on the complexity of an auto industry bankruptcy. This is what happens couplehood itself becomes too big to fail.
For most of us, marriage is a matter of love and the dreaded complications of divorce are kids and splitting up the finances and in some cases, religious issues. Anyone who's been through a divorce knows that those are complications enough. We can't imagine what it's like to get to a place where a political career or hit TV show is a factor in keeping a relationship together or not.
I've written at length on HuffPost about the John and Elizabeth Edwards saga and I find myself asking time and again, "Why can't either of them just be honest about what happened and what is happening now?" But there's a whole host of calculations going on behind every statement that carry more weight than honesty. It's spin. Once you play that game with positions and policies, playing it with relationships probably doesn't seem that hard.
The Jon And Kate Plus 8 special that TLC has been promoting for weeks was exercise in surrealism. On one level, it revealed a lot about the relationship between the Gosselins but mainly that was through what wasn't said. They didn't right out tell us that they've been separated for about six months but that's the only conclusion to be drawn from patching together what was said in the show and what's been printed by the tabloids.
But past the paparazzi staking out the bouncy at the kid's birthday party, the real Fellini twist of the show is that we in the viewing audience are the ones who destroyed this marriage.
The whole facade exists for our benefit. It would be easy to blame the Gosselins or TLC or the show's producers or the tabloids or the sponsors but let's be honest and accept responsibility. If nobody was watching, they'd all go do something else. But here we are now; entertain us...
That's why Elizabeth Edwards does a book tour. That's why Kate says she's been 'working' so much in the past six months to take care of her audience that her kids called her by her babysitter's name. These woman aren't dumb. They know what we like and what our society rewards. People like Octomom know, too; she was just too obvious and blatant about what she was up to to make us comfortable.
(I'm not absolving the men here, by the way, but in the specific examples of Kate and Elizabeth they are ones who seem to be appearing on TV lately.)
What none of them seem to see, however, is that they serve dual roles. They are inspirational mirrors for some of us. There are woman who have struggled with kids or cheating husbands who see themselves in Mrs. Edwards and Mrs. Gosselin. There are men who identify with Jon Gosselin's constant public emasculation. That's the emotional illusion of art, where we project our own lives onto total strangers.
But a lot of us -- most, I think -- just watch and remind ourselves, "If someone asks you to be on a reality show...say no."
The lesson of hubris plays out in front of us daily. Flip around HuffPost and see it in politics with Dick Cheney, in sports with Manny Ramirez and in the weird oxymoron of entertainment news with the Gosselins and Edwardses. We're reminded not to be too proud or too in love with fleeting things like power or success. We see the results.
These are things we all need to hear. That's why human beings tell stories. We need fables and morals to help us experience other people's live and mistakes so we can better guide ourselves.
At least that's what I'll tell myself when I tune in next week.
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I love Senator Edwards. Always have, always will. He is the "real article", he really cares about the causes he puts his energies towards. But really, this man needs to get some cahonies and get a divorce. He should not remain in his current situation, whether it is out of concern for his political career or his kids or simply a need to punish himself. He is well-off financially. His wife and kids will be fine, and his career can recover at least to an extent as well. But he needs to get out of this cycle of self-punishment, by remaining in a marriage where his wife is just using him to peddle her "tell-all" revelations. He feels guilty about the affair, and so now he is letting his wife use him to no end. This is just wrong. He needs to get out of dodge. Get of the state if necessary, but get out. Come on, Senator, snap out of it. For your own sake, and for the "other America"'s sake.
Allocator2008 - How is Edwards getting a divorce going to help his image at this point? Seems to me no amount of money is going fix what's wrong in his personal life. Besides half of his wealth belongs to his wife Elizabeth. Watching Elizabeth throughout the TV interviews, it's obivous she is still dealing with alot of pain and anger regarding John's betrayal of their marriage and denial that John's the father of the little girl. By the way, I've read "Resilience" and it is not a "tell-all" but an inspiration to keep on living. Whether John stays voluntarily or not in his marriage, he needs to be responsible to his wife and their family as he vowed for "better or worse and in sickness or health". Also, I hope he is privately providing child support for the little girl as she is a product of two morally bankrupt parents!
Allocator, you have thrown so many stones at John Edwards,
someone might conclude you, yourself, are without sin. But not me.
EXCELLENT ARTICLE! Americans are losing their jobs and their homes and their dreams, but we are supposed to stop everything because John cheated on Elizabeth (for the very first time.....right......). I wonder if Elizabeth Edwards realizes that she has gone from being admired to being a sideshow.
Hey, I've got an idea. Why doesn't television employ writers, directors and actors and do fictionalized family programs. I think we can call them family dramas or if they are funny situation comedies. That way we can endulge are voyeuristic tendencies without doing damage to real families. I guess this must be some outside-the-box radical idea.
that's a novel idea isn't it. I think they call that Television. Who knew.
This might not be such a bizarre juxtaposition of couples if the Gosselins were the only fecund wonders on television, but they aren't. The Duggar family are the champion breeders, popping out another little Christian soldier every year (18 and counting!), and there is the Hayes family who have 10 kids. Jon and Kate do not exist in a vacuum, therefore the analogy with the Edwards family fails.
It's more like a feminist backlash - Michelle Obama is reduced to being a mommy and covering up her arms, because women can't be strong and powerful. What they can do, however, is toss out a litter every now and then, and we'll all be cooing over them, and giving them free stuff. And that's the thing. Apparently if one has a zillion kids, one develops a huge sense of entitlement - that decries that the rest of us who have chosen to have small families or (heaven forfend) not actually breed at all - we somehow owe them for overpopulating.
at least Jon and Kate are financially taking care of their kids--whether the public approves or not of the method used--and not having to go on any type of government asistance. Personally if I had 8 kids to raise I would have jumped at the chance to make $75,000 x 20 episodes, think of all the college tuitions they will have to pay for in the future!
Please let the Edwards' alone! If you have been in her shoes: death of a child, cancer, a public betrayal by her husband....then you are qualified to comment. You are not! I would not put the Edwards and the other couple in the same column.
Lee, the difference is the following:
John and Elizabeth Edwards have been married for 32 years. Early in their marriage they had two children. After the death of their 16 year old son, they had two additional children. So, they are now still rearing two very young children. In addition, Elizabeth Edwards has Stage 4 Cancer. Any decent human being would not have inserted herself into their lives, and then sold stories about them to the National Enquirer for monetary gain; but this, exactly what Lisa Druke a.k.a., the Rielle (Real) Hunter
did.
By the way, I found Elizabeth's new book, Resilience, to be quite inspirational.
I think everyone would benefit from reading the passage in the book that
tells the story of the Japanese woman who survived the atomic bomb that
was dropped on Hiroshima.
If the Edwards didn't have kids, I'd have nothing against the book. But sharing all the embarrassing details, and practically calling out the other woman to write a book of her own (and creating the market for that book) is bad for her kids. I'd feel the same way if a wife cheated on her husband - you don't set your kids up to have to go through every part of their lives with their family's private business exposed.
There's nothing heroic about treating the world as your therapist. Some things should be for private discussion with close friends, a spouse, and a therapist.
Meko, no "embarrassing details" are shared.
I suggest you, actually , read Elizabeth's book, Resilience.
You too may find it rewarding.
But I've watched those two - and I don't have a clue who they are, except for these articles. So that means even READING about them makes me responsible... Which I'm not.
Isn't this kind of like blaming those who come by later for the train wreck that happened before they ever arrived on or near the scene?
I see your point, of course, but ultimately, I think we're all responsible for our own actions, & if we're insane enough to put our lives on reality tv, we deserve whatever fate awaits.
Ack! I meant I 'haven't watched them. (meaning, their show)
Here's how you make them possible: You keep talking about them and writing stories about them and putting them on TV. Here's an idea: Shut up. Quit doing all the above and maybe they'd just go away.
I went to read the bio of the writer before I commented as having read this article, all I could think of is total stupidity on his part. Didn't have been and still doesn't have any credibility.
Both these couples have thrown themselves into the public arena. One attempting to rule our country, the other to pimp their kids for money. Both are whining about the public/media scrutiny. I didn't ask them to be public figures. That was squarely on their shoulders.
As for Jon & Kate, Kate is a self-absorbed, materialistic person. Designers, 3 home in 4 years, this last one 24 or 28 acres. Did it for the kids. I don't recall the kids demanding the land. Kate shouts constantly at the kids as she walks around the house, not even looking at them. She's controlling but not in the way of organization like she plays it. Her speaking tours. Her books -- a joke.
None of this is one the public's back. Networks aren't producing anything worth a darn justifying it as cost savings.
Sorry Stranahan -- you're was off on this yet Huff posts it. Why I don't know.
I don't see how it's remotely controversial to say that if not for the audience, there wouldn't be a show. The show exists and thrives because of the audience.
So, right - you didn't them to be public figures. You just support them by watching. To not accept that level of personal responsibility shows as little self-awareness as...well, Kate Gosselin.
Yep. Without the "fans" their is nothing...
I am sorry Mr. Stranhan in the case of Jon&Kate the blame falls squarely on them. They opted to open up their lives and world to the tv camera and go thru showing their lack of liveliness in their marriage and the time consuming tasks of raising 8 hyper kids!!! When you opt to put your life on tv you put yourself out there as an open book and that is what the Gosselin's are doing. For Elizabeth Edwards I guess in her case her time is short and precious so she must figure let me go on out here and tell my story on my drama from my point of view. We at least can't say we don't know how she feels.
And every kid on her children's playground know how she feels. Gosh, I wouldn't want to be them. It's sad when a person's (male or female) puts their desire for revenge upon a cheating spouse above their children's privacy.
Actually, it's sad whenever anyone thrusts their children into the spotlight like this.
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