My RNC Suggestion: Marry Bristol Palin And Her Baby Daddy LIVE Onstage!

Senator McCain, thanks for bringing the circus to town. You've already knocked Obama so far out of the news cycle that he now seems to have all the sizzle of Joe Biden. Tomorrow is the big finale of Republican National Convention, you've got Obama on the ropes and now it's time to go all Mortal Kombat and FINISH HIM!

You can top OWhatsHisName once and for all with a convention closing night that has more spectacle, surprises, laughs, tears, thrills, chills and spills than all those whippersnappers in the streets can throw a urine filled Molotov Cocktail at - here's how...

Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are the American Charles and Diana except without the silly accents, pompous clothes, tightass manners and divine right of kings. You must sense this, Senator McCain -- you have welcomed them to the RNC with open arms and public photo ops. Some politicians would have kept them out of the spotlight out of a misguided sense of decency but you're showing them all the honor and respect that f#ckin' redneck hockey playin' ass kickin' fun-icatin' teenagers deserve.

Your campaign has admitted this campaign isn't about issues...it's time to make it about tissues.

Night Four, The RNC. The Wedding Of The Century.

Stadium goes black. A low C sharp from a Moog drones in the darkness and spotlights start swirling like the opening of 1990s Chicago Bulls game.

One red light pierces the night and fixes on the stage. The Free Credit Report Dot Com dude lip syncs the Marvin Gaye version of the national anthem while Vietnam Vets in camouflage do a surprisingly somber Radio City kickline behind him. Then, darkness.

The boom of an explosion as a steel cage drops from the ceiling and you -- John Effin' McCain -- bound onto the stage flanked by more pyro than a Gene Simmons fever dream. Minneapolis goes crazy when they hear the speakers start to blast Prince's Let's Go Crazy.

Then the Purple One is on stage next to you and the crowds gasps seeing that Prince is really in the house at the RNC because....ya know, he's not old and white. You grin and wave and pump your fist and do a couple of air guitar licks during his solo and then the suddenly - darkness and silence again.

Then Prince's voice...

"Dearly beloved...we are gathered here together in this thing called life...electric word, life...it means forever and that's younger than McCain..."

Two explosions - boom and BOOM - and there are Levi and Bristol, beaming onstage. The Palin family walks slowly out of the dry ice. Prince plays the opening to If I Was Your Girlfriend and Pastor Rick Warren drops from the sky along with Larry The Cable Guy to conduct the ceremony.

There's the bride and the groom and and you're the Best Man, Senator McCain. Fred Thompson and Joe Lieberman both make speeches telling us that you're the best man to further emphasize the point.

But we all KNOW you're best man, Senator McCain. Thank you for introducing us to this wonderful cast of characters. You can pick 'em! Thanks for helping us forget the horrible policies you support and making politics just messy goofy sloppy FUN again. Thank you, good night, and may God Help America!

Follow Lee Stranahan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Stranahan

Comments

[SonyaInTx]

Please don't be distracted by the static thrown out by McCain.

[Territc]

Fellow Democrats and Obama supporters, let us not get caught up in the heat of these stupid comments by people trying to create issues where there are none. The Republicans know they cannot win this election and will do anything to take us off our course and goal of assuring that Obama becomes the 44th President of the United States of America. So forget their smears and lies, forget what people are saying about Hillary which is not true. We need to go out there and campaign for our candidate. Convert those independents and undecided voters and get them on to Obama's tickets. We don't need to waste our time responding to this rubbish - our time should be spent on the campaign trail. A lot of bloggers and people making comments are just pretending to be Democrats or PUMA supporters or even Republicans who are just working to incite and create issues and friction. Obama has shown us how to handle these issues - with calm and dignity. Come On Dems, don't get caught up in this BS.
YES WE CAN!

[captspastic]

Don't forget the handkerchiefs for the ladies, that look like the American Flag.

[erykah]

This is not a convention. It's a reality show.

[stlrfan]

I'll go you one better, call six or seven of the relgious wingnuts up on stage and lay hands on the Down's baby.

[jefflz]

For those who think this is a big joke - it is not.!!! It is hard to know who is scarier Cheney or Palin. We know that while George Bush was napping in the Oval Office Bush Cheney conspired with his neocon partners to bankrupt this country and murder hundreds of thousands of soldiers and innocent civilians in Iraq. Trillions of lost treasure, gone into the pockets of Haliburton, Blackwater, Big Oil, and the spilled blood of are finest soldiers is his legacy. If complete novice Palin would have the opportunity to takes over as president- not impossible considering McCain's age and health history, then who would be running her administration? We could look forward to a shadow administration that would make Dick Cheney look good. The Palin ploy with a hard shift to the extreme right of the Republican Party - the lightweight, anti-choice, creationist, anti-environment, pro-oil candidate who won her limited fame on right-wing talk shows - must be rejected if the United States of America is to retain its constitutional rights. IT CAN HAPPEN HERE.

[erykah]

I agree that we need to be cautious here and not underestimate this woman, etc. But one thing about Cheney. Cheney was no stranger to Washington. He has served in several administrations. Palin is a fresh face. And while the republican base is going crazy, she might not be playing all that well to swing or independent voters. She is a virtual unknown. Whereas Cheney was a Washington fixture. Again, I agree that stranger things have happened. But McCain's age poses the real posibility that this woman could occupy the #1 spot and I do not know that Americans will go for this gimmick.

[mediamarv]

I like it, I like it,.. but do we need the Cable Guy??

That just might be over the top.

Just sayin.

[oldpotsmuggler]

Where’s my trickle?

Remember, particularly since the present convention carries so many reminders of it, that the best way to make the economy grow is to cut taxes. Because wealthier taxpayers are paying a greater amount of taxes, they, of course, will end up with by far the lion share of the tax reduction. But this is all wonderful because these are exactly the people whose prosperity we all want to rejoice in, as they are the true job and wage creators in our amazing “free market” system. The chosen few enjoy wealth beyond measure and this makes us all prosper because there is a fundamental precept at work here named “trickle down”. “A rising tide raises all boats”, according to Saint Ronnie.

If by some chance you also have missed out on your trickle, just wait. The Convention makes it clear that John McCain is the trickle down repairman. Trust him!