Normally, I'd send a formal offer to your agents but word on the street is that you don't have one...from now until the end of time. That's fine. You're clearly ready to go commando.
For decades, you've been one of the top movie stars in the world but now I'm going to go out on a limb and guess the phone has stopped ringing. (Not that you want to spend a lot of time on the phone at this point.) I don't think you'll be doing a sequel to What Women Want any time soon, since apparently you think what they want is to be called 'whore' 800 times and then get a bat to the side of the head.
Your days of playing the romantic comedy lead or hero are over but there's still hope, Mel. I think you're uniquely positioned to play the real juicy roles now -- the villain.
Right now, you're probably the most loathed and despised man in America. You've earned it, too.
But just a couple of weeks ago, who was the man who everyone hated? That's right -- Tony Hayward, the CEO of BP. What you've been to the women who bore your children, he's been to the Gulf Coast.
I've written a film based on the BP oil disaster that asks What if eco-terrrorists kidnapped that the CEO of a company that was responsible for a massive oil spill and told the company to stop the spill in 72 hours or the CEO dies?
My producing partner Michael Emanuel and I made a little teaser for it a couple of weeks ago and it got thousands of views almost immediately.The role wasn't written with you in mind, but you get the idea.
Warning Mel -- this clip has violence and strong language. Okay, granted - nothing as strong as your recent work, though.
I'm seeing you as the CEO, Mel.
You'd bring a lot to the role -- you have a great 'evil CEO' look, you bring your own natural intensity and let's face it - there is probably a healthy market of people who'd buy a ticket to see you tortured. Some people might say we'd have trouble finding an actor to play opposite you but honestly -- can't you see your friend Whoopi Goldberg in the role of eco-terrorist?
The economy is rough and it seems like you might not in a position to take this opportunity in a few months. If you're willing to work on the SAG Low Budget agreement and can work without a honeywagon on a two week shoot in an Albuquerque warehouse in August, we should talk business.
Until then, best of luck and take those meds.
Seriously. Take a lot of them.
Follow Lee Stranahan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Stranahan