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The Republican Quitting Machine: Can't Stop, Won't Stop!

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In a time when so few people actually stand for something, it's nice to see that Republican Party stands firmly, clearly, and unequivocally for being quitters. And not just the sort of go away quietly, head slung low sort of quitters. No, the Grand Old Party has the bold, whiny, door slamming, stamping, lip pursing, hair flouncing quitters that usually only populate parks in the nicer section of town or AOL chatrooms.

Take the increasing number of brave politicians like Bobby Jindal, who plans to turn down the stimulus money slated for Louisiana. Much of that money was for vital infrastructure projects such as replacing the state's drive-though liquor vendors and providing environmental funding to de-Tabasco lakes, rivers and streams.

Then there's the "Go Galt!" movement, who want to follow the example of John Galt in Ayn Rand's masturbation material for AIG executives, Atlas Shrugged. In one of the book's brief inter-speech plot breaks, the main characters completely stop working and go to Colorado; a plan that has inspired both slogan happy to actually think about maybe doing something kinda like that or at least blogging about it. That'll show us!

Another obvious example of Republican giveuptatude is Levi Johnston, the former premarital sex partner of former potential symbol of American youth Bristol Palin. To be fair, Johnston, who appeared onstage at the Republican National Convention, doesn't rule out the possibility of makeup sex with Palin in future, particularly if the kid would stop crying.

Many in the GOP sure seem intent on making Micheal Steele quit because his plan to plan to modernize the Republican party is in direct opposition to their principled position on subjects like abortion, fighting the dangers of science and learning, and associating with the coloreds.

One possible plan involves replacing Michael Steele him with adult film star Lexington Steele. Lex Steele's website points out that he's both won won the "coveted" AVN Award for Best Male Performer and he's endowed with approximately nine more inches than the average member of the average member of the Republican National Committee. (That wasn't a typo - read it slowly.)

Many Republicans won't know that one Steele has replaced the other one until they proposition him in men's room one fateful night. Lex Steele's intimate familiarity with pricks and assholes also makes uniquely qualified to deal with nearly every elected GOP representative.

Many experts wonder if there's anything we can do to stop the quitters from quitting?

Oh, let's hope not.