Take Back the Weekend

I was gabbing on the phone to my friend Amy and we were discussing the upcoming Martin Luther King weekend.

"Wanna go grab dinner and a movie with our kids this weekend?"

"I wish I could," she answered. "We have the school musical revue on Friday and Saturday night. Can you believe it? MLK weekend?"

I snapped like Rambo in the middle of a parking lot. "I'm sick of this, " I sputtered. "It's time to take back the weekends for the American family, dammit! MLK weekend and the school schedules a major musical revue?"

"I have a dream," she said, echoing those famous words of Dr. King himself. "My dream is that we can actually experience family time again on a weekend. "Amen, sister," I answered.

In my day, back when people walked barefoot to school up hill each way -- with wooden teeth -- the weekend was pretty sacred. The average family had time to relax, catch their breath, have a big breakfast and act like, well, a family. A weekend was the antidote to a long week of homework, after school activities and sports.

These days I need a weekend just to recover from my weekend. Our kids' lives are so scheduled and programmed. Like those pesky crabgrass patches in my backyard, over time, sports activities and even school events have encroached not only on weekends, but now even during school vacations.

Woe to the hockey players in my town who have to stay and practice during the Christmas holidays. The lacrosse dudes don't get spring break due to the tournament schedule. Now kids seem to head back to school in early August to get ready for fall sports. That about chops a carefree summer in half. Especially since my son's soccer practice was at the un-godly hour of 7:00 am each summer morning.

Look, I get it. I get our fascination with sports as a country, even if I may not be able to name all the NFL teams. But somewhere, somehow, we have to get some sanity back into family life. And some things have to be sacrosanct. I have two precious years left with my son at home before college. Let me enjoy school vacations in peace. Let us make choices about going away as a family together -- without the guilt of shirking practices. And while I'm at it? Can't we at least get Sundays off? Kids soccer games have now snuck up to coincide with traditional Sunday church times. Worshipping or not, we are certainly packing it all in! By Sunday night I look more like Phyllis Diller and her wild, eggbeater hair than the calm picture of a mother about to enter a new week.

There is an awful lot being written about the demise of the American family. But we are doing it to ourselves. We're so busy chasing our tails, car keys in hand, we don't have time anymore to feel the family fiber; to simply "be."

We need to take a lesson from childrearing experts who teach that we shouldn't fill up every moment in our toddlers' lives. Free play, the ability to use their imaginations, to script their own schedule and to enjoy down time, leads to better adjusted, independent human beings.

I'd like to suggest we do that for our families. Let's start taking it back. Town by town. Just say "no more." It is we parents who have done this to ourselves.

Two days of unstructured time as a family might actually give us a chance to pull out a card game, watch a movie on the DVR together, or cook a great meal on Saturday night before everyone scatters to their friends' houses. I'm not implying we all need to huddle up like Little House on the Prairie. But we could begin to re-establish some rituals.

Take back the weekend, people. If we all just dig in our heels, we might be surprised at the results. We might actually have a moment to reflect on all the good things Martin Luther King did for this country, rather than to treat it as just another manic Monday.

Comments

[Robert59]

The family weekend died when we became a 24 hour 7 day a week society. When I was a kid we had blue laws. Most stores were closed and the ones that were opened could only sell the necessities. It was rare to know someone who actually worked on Saturdays and Sundays.

Compounding it was both parents working. In a 24/7 society like ours it increased the likelihood of one parent working on the weekend.

Sports activities for kids also rob you of your family weekend time. Difficult to have lazy days or to even engaged in family projects when one is driving all around town from one activity to another.

Amazing how many structured activities kids have today compared to 40 years ago. I had two jobs as kid delivering papers in the morning and in the afternoon. When I wasn't doing that I walked the neighborhood knocking on doors offering to cut lawns or to clean up alleys. In the winter I shoveled driveways.

And I still had time for hanging out with the other kids on my block and the one perpendicular to it. It was in retrospect a glorious time.

In the neighborhood we now call home few kids are outside even when the weather is nice. Kids have lost a great deal of the freedom I enjoyed.

[jdm58]

Continuation of previous post:
If childrens hours are spent going to and from practice, games, and tournaments, then they will in turn learn a self-centered view of the world, expecting everything to be done for them, or handed to them. We have seen many children treat their parents little better than taxi drivers. They certainly have not been taught the value of what they have been given. Most children in the world only can dream of being offered what children in our country take for granted.
Our own children elected to discontinue participating in club sports. At first, we felt a sort of let down and disappointment, although we supported their decisions. It took a while, but our weekends now contain more quality together time. In the long run, their decisions paid off. Our daughter, who competed on an NCAA team as a college freshman, decided to leave the team (not the school) and is now going abroad for a year to the UK to study diplomacy, and evironmental policy. She would not have been allowed this opportunity if she stayed on her team. Our son, a senior in high school, while not being offered sports scholarships, is receiving offers based on his academics and volunteer experience from institutions well known for career placement and graduate school acceptance. He wants to be a teacher, coach, and to change the emphasis club sports have on kids lives. We couldn't be prouder. Oh, and by the way, our last Christmas holiday as a family was not spent at a tournament, but on a cruise to Mexico, for less money, and was much more enjoyable!

[jdm58]

Thank you for this posting! My family was trapped in the "club sport" phenomenon for 15 years. When our son's coach attempted to pressure us to feel guilty when we had to forgo attending a soccer tournament in order to attend a memorial for his dead grandmother, we finally woke up and saw the light.
1. The people running these organizations are in it for the MONEY. No matter how much they claim to want to "improve" your childs performance, the bottomline is, their teams performance will enable/inhibit their ability to continue to earn MONEY (new recruits). Players who actually could benefit from coaching, get passed over for players who either are more naturally talented, or whose parents are foolish enough to purchase "extra" private coaching sessions.
2. Parents put far too much emphasis on their child being part of the "pre-eminent" club in their league, assuming that past teams successes will somehow rub off on their children. We have seen people pay thousands of dollars, and spend countless hours, watching their child sit the bench on the "best" teams, instead of actually playing for teams that are a better skills match to their child.
3. The rumor is, if your child doesn't play club sports, you won't get a college scholarship. WRONG!! Respectable universities and colleges want to see your childs GRADES and volunteer performance. Many people, if they looked at their bottom-line investment, would realize that if they even just put the money in the bank, instead of some shady coaches pocket, they wouldn't NEED a scholarship for college. Their child could still participate, if they chose to, as a "walk-on". NCAA emphasizes academics, reminding parents that 99 percent of students who participate in collegiate athletics go pro in something else.

[23000Days]

"In my day, back when people walked barefoot to school up hill each way -- with wooden teeth .."
1: LMAO!
2: I've always wondered how they secured those teeth so they actually worked...
3: The French did it, but now it may all disappear because Sarcozy is trying to be another Bush. Hopefully that will not fly in France like it did here!

[rationalcon]

You have nailed it. Sports are supposed to be about exercise and learning to be a team member. Somehow our generation decided that kids need to be in competitive sports from the age of 3. Any kid that doesn't choose and excel in his or her sport by the age of 8 or 9 doesn't have an opportunity to play when they get to jr/high school. Then we wonder why all our kids are obese.

As many times as I said I would not cooperate, my 5 year old twins have been playing soccer for 2 years - on Saturdays and Sundays. OMG 13 more years (well maybe not, they are smart but not that athletic - probably will be weeded out in the next few years).

[springsm]

AMEN!! One of our big problems besides over programming our kids, and I was guilty of that too, is that most parents carry their pagers and their cell phones and don't leave work at work either. They are so important in their jobs that they must be on call 24/7. WHAT does that do to family cohesiveness. Where I live, you have summer two or three weeks out of July and August...w­e went tent camping and even the oldest joined into the fray of board games, soccer tricks, washing the dishes and helping with the meals. They were close and good kids and they all worked during hs along with everything else they did. I was the mess. Lee is really very right..but nobody has the courage to take away something these days and we don't realize how short life with these kids at home is either. (I am sure that the Woodruffs do, but most don't)

[chinohillster]

Ms. Woodruff, 
***WARNING**** MAJOR KVETCHING ABOUT TO ENSUE:

And what about those for whom the so-called "weekend" is just an extension of the week? Information Technology people WORK weekends installing OS patches (especially for Evil Empire Of Redmond, Washington software), network upgrades, database installations and refreshes, etc, etc, etc.

A user will NEVER say to the IT staff: "Oh, go ahead and take the system down at 9 AM Monday" And Mr or Ms User is talking about the DEVELOPMENT/TEST system (of course, PRODUCTION is NEVER, EVER supposed to be brought down)

I've worked many a night, weekend and holiday; of course, I'm paid very well, and I've learned how to squeeze in family obligations, but it takes some doing!

***** END OF KVETCHING ********