Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 2, Episode 4 of HBO's "Girls" titled "It's A Shame About Ray," which aired on Saturday due to the Super Bowl.
Happy Saturday, everyone! As we prepare for a Sunday evening full of beer, football and ... I don't know, tacos, the ladies of "Girls" have been busy attempting to mend their fragile twentysomething lives -- romantically and professionally -- while dealing with your standard existential crises.
Episode 4 of the second season of "Girls" saw explosive arguments, breaking glass, and life-changing discoveries. Butt plugs were discussed, lovers faced adversity, and heroin addictions were revealed. And it all happened in a 30-minute span on HBO.
With 1 being the least together and 10 being the most together, see how each of the girls scored in this week's episode of "Girls," titled "It's A Shame About Ray."
Hannah is in the midst of a rebirth. She kicked Elijah to the curb after he f***** Marnie, and is throwing a very adult dinner party in honor of having her coke-centric article published on jazzhate.com.
Although she cooked noodles, baked a pound cake and is serving Dos Equis, which is a step up from Bud Light, Hannah doesn't have the best discretion when it comes to invitations. What could possibly have made her think Marnie, Charlie and Audrey, Queen Of Headbands, could exist in a room together for three hours without conflict?
When Marnie shows up with a bottle of wine, Hannah immediately pronounces her presence psychotic, seeing as they're on horrible terms. But then, she begs everyone to stay. Hannah spends the remainder of her dinner party changing her mind about whether Marnie or Charlie and QOH should leave while Lisa Loebe's "Stay" plays in the background. Hannah eventually tells Charlie he's a f***ing jerk and that Marnie already has enough on her plate as is as she recently had sex with a gay man. Nice one.
Hannah earned a few points this episode, but only because she was able to get an article published on jazzhate.com and made $200. Unfortunately, she probably spent more than that on the coke it took to write the article, and is currently paying for a two bedroom apartment for herself with money that is appearing out of thin air.
Overall togetherness: 4
Finally, an episode with some Shoshanna drama. Yes, everyone's favorite ex-virgin stopped by Hannah's dinner party with Ray on her arm and pigtails in her hair. Her cherry may have been popped, but her naïveté is definitely as intact as ever.
For starters, Shosh makes up a long, drawn out story about being late to Hannah's party because she "lost her earring in the cab." But really, she and Ray were having sex and she didn't want her friends to know.
She also doesn't know what a butt plug is, which all of her more mature, sexually experienced friends think is very cute. Is it, though? As Kareem Abdul Jabbar pointed out in his "Girls" review, "the characters talk boldly about sex, but their actions are often shy and unsatisfying." It's somehow refreshing that Shoshanna doesn't pretend to be a know-it-all in the sex department ... or in any department.
But Shosh's innocence went a notch too far when she realized, mid-dinner, that Ray was living with her. When he wasn't at her place, he was living in his Mitsubishi. How could he have failed to tell her this? If she had known, she could have called her aunt to get advice about living with a man for the first time.
Sitting forlornly in the subway station post-party, Ray lets his feelings out in an f-bomb-themed rant. "I'm a fuckin' loser in a lot of ways, Shoshanna. You know that?" he says. "What makes me worth dating? What makes me worth fucking anything?"
Well, it's because she's falling in love with him. And he loves her too. Cue the only aww-worthy moment Season 2 has seen.
Shoshanna may have a lot to learn about love and life, but she's confrontational and makes her feelings about people and situations known at all times. Props on that, Shosh.
Overall togetherness: 8
Usually one can defend absurd and hurtful actions with the argument that said actions came with good intentions. But is Marnie a well-intentioned young woman? That's questionable.
The last time Hannah had a party, Charlie and QOH were there. Some part of Marnie must have known that in attempting to make peace with Hannah, she would also be able to parade herself in front of the happy couple. As the party progresses, Marnie and QOH engage in a few backhanded compliments that culminate in Marnie taking a sip of her drink and condescendingly asking, "So where do you get your headbands?"
Eventually, QOH calls Marnie a "Stepford psycho" (fair enough), and Marnie flees dramatically to the roof. Much to QOH's dismay, Charlie follows her. Once again, the bad intentions kick in as Marnie allows Charlie to call her "smart, beautiful, and incredibly clean" and then, attempt to kiss her before she smugly tells him she's seeing someone.
"The little ewok in fucking capri pants?" he exclaims. "He's of average height!" she retorts.
Come on, Marnie. We all know you're pretty, and somehow you've managed to keep your hostess gig after leaving in the middle of your shift to have weird sex with aforementioned ewok. Can't you work on being a little kinder?
Overall togetherness: 6
Hell hath no fury like Jessa scorned. Let me start by saying that we all knew Jessa and Thomas-John wouldn't last; she just needed an excuse to get out of it. And she found one. His parents.
"I hate this restaurant, but I don't even care because I'm so happy to meet you guys!" Jessa cries upon their pre-meal introduction. She goes on to open up about being in rehab for a heroin addiction, clarifying that she never shot it, only snorted it. And that's important.
Needless to say, Jessa wasn't exactly a hit with mom and dad. When Thomas-John tells her how inappropriate her behavior was back at their fancy Brooklyn apartment, Jessa quickly becomes furious and says, "I'm embarrassed when we walk down the street because you're so fucking average. I tell my friends you were born a test tube baby just so you have a little edge."
Thomas-John then offers to pay Jessa off if she'll leave. She asks for $30,000. He was thinking more along the lines of $10,000. She's really pissed now, so she shatters his triangular humanitarian award. She then flees to Hannah's apartment in a tearful huff, where she finds her friend singing Oasis' "Wonderwall" in her dirty New York City bathtub and crawls in with her.
Jessa has no job, no husband and she's hanging out in a bathtub with her friend. And, as an added disgusting detail, she managed to snot rocket in the tub and laugh about it.
Overall togetherness: 1 ... because at least she has some of Thomas-John's money.
"Girls" airs on Sunday at 9 p.m. EST on HBO.