Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 1, Episode 11 of Fox's "The Mindy Project," titled Hooking Up Is Hard.
Fresh off the heels of a bad breakup (here's looking at you, Josh), Mindy finds out that people in her universe are having casual sex. Naturally, she finds it unfair that she herself is not having casual sex and embarks upon a casual sex journey.
Enter Brendan The Midwife. Brendan The Midwife has nothing in common with Mindy, but he's attractive enough, so Mindy asks him he wants to hang out sometime. And by hang out, she means "hang out."
Meanwhile, Danny and Eye Patch girl -- otherwise known as Jillian (Allison Williams), the girl he met at the ER last episode -- are still going strong. Well ... sort of. After stopping by the office only to be met by Mindy who tells her she's a knockout, even with one eye, Jillian clues Danny in on their itinerary for the evening. In case you were wondering, she made dinner reservation for 11 p.m.
Still on her conquest, Mindy shows up at Brendan The Midwife's holistic apartment dressed in a little black dress. After having a terrifying run-in with his shower (it talks) and knocking his contact out of his eye while trying to undress him, Brendan's fellow midwife and roomie Duncan comes home with Morgan, who's secretly been hanging out with him during off hours.
If you were hoping for a happy ending for Mindy, I'm afraid it didn't happen in "Hooking Up Is Hard." Mindy decided Brendan The Midwife was a lame, weird hippie who she'd rather not sleep with, and Morgan suffered an asthma attack leading Mindy to spend even more time with him. Talk about a bad break!
But it wasn't all bad news. After a romantic evening that involved a play where the actors came into the audience, Danny admitted that he was 38, a whopping six years older than Jillian had thought he was. Still, she's kinda into it. Could everyone's favorite grumpy doctor finally have some companionship in sight?!
And now, a few dialogue highlights from Episode 11 of "The Mindy Project."
Arguably offensive lines:
Mindy, on the life she imagined for herself: "My plan was to marry rich and then stop working. Or marry old, and then when they guy died inherit all his money. But all old guys think I have sass mouth."
Mindy to Jillian: "Can I just say, even though you only have one eye, you are so pretty."
Mindy to Danny, about Jillian: "She looks like she could be my daughter, and I look like I could be your daughter!"
Mindy, when she finds out Jeremy is having casual sex: "People seem to be having, like, these awesome sex lives and I'm just trying to find a life partner to go apple picking with. What's wrong with me?"
Betsy to Mindy: "Don't worry, Doctor L, you and I are in the 'No One Night Stands' Club together. Maybe Saturday night you and I can meet up and make our lunches for the week."
Gwen, on Mindy's upcoming hookup with Brendan: "The last time she tried this was in college and she got so freaked out that she pulled the fire alarm at the Hillel house."
Mindy, when Alex suggests she shouldn't wear underwear: "OK, I have never not worn underwear. I wear underwear under my bathing suits."
Brendan to Mindy, when she knocks his contact out of his eye: "Contacts are disposable. This night is not."
Morgan, after recovering from his asthma attack: "This doc just saved my life and did the best magic I've ever seen, so if you want me to look the other way while you do him, I can wait."
Out of context and amazing one-liners:
"I figure if I'm wearing this, murderers will think I'm a murderer and go, 'Eh. Too many cooks in the kitchen.'"
"Can you please tell me about Danny's apartment? In my mind it's like a smoky speakeasy where old men go to complain about technology."
"It might be a bad idea, but sometimes you need to experience the outcome of a bad idea. Like you and train tracks."
"You have a weird, lame shower, this movie sucks, and this conversation? I'm getting nothing from it."
"Why do you have a mannequin head and 'Bossypants' in here?'"
"You can't just wave a dream catcher at a respiratory condition."
"Damn it, Eye Patch! You look prettier than you did before!"
"I"m just trying to figure out how many Olympics you've been around for."
"The Mindy Project" airs on Tuesdays at 9:30 p.m. EST on Fox.