Stock Market Lessons from Sesame Street: "I Love Cash"-The Song

As in the rest of the world, these are not such sunny days on Sesame Street. Bert is furious that Ernie insisted they finally buy their place in 2005 -- at what turned out to be the peak of the market. The Cookie Monster has been hit hard by rising food costs and is ranting about the ethanol program pushing up the price of grain. And Elmo? He's... not the same.

"Tickle me?" he was heard mumbling to himself as he lay in the gutter in front of Mr. Hooper's store. "How about 'Kick Me Elmo'? Or maybe, 'Shoot Me.' That's good. Yeah. Or how about, 'Screw Me Royally and Make Me Work Till I'm 97 Because There Went My Entire 401K Elmo.' Kids will love that. That'll sell at Christmas. Hic."

Unbeknownst to his financial handlers -- even his arm, eye and body handlers -- Elmo had plowed his entire plush toy profits into credit derivatives via a hedge fund recommended by Big Bird (who has been missing for a week).

Only Oscar the Grouch seems to have escaped the current crisis unscathed, for reasons that are, in retrospect, obvious: He avoided the real estate bubble by residing in a garbage can. He never overextended himself by buying... anything. And, most significantly, he kept his assets liquid. Just like the fruit rotting in the bottom of his can.

That's why whenever you see Oscar these days, he's a new man with a new tune. Feel free to sing along.

"I Love Cash:

The the tune of Oscar the Grouch's "I Love Trash."

Oh I love cash!

Anything silver and solid and shiny

Anything precious and pure, not sub-primey

Oh I love cash!

I stuffed all my quarters inside of a sock

It's lumpy and bumpy and hard as a rock

But I wouldn't trade it for Fannie Mae stock!

I love it because it's cash.

Oh I love cash!

Anything silver and solid and shiny

Anything precious and pure, not sub-primey

Oh I love cash!

I keep all my dollars tucked under my bed

I could use a bank but I like this instead

My bed doesn't need any help from the Fed!

So that's where I stash my cash.

Oh I love cash!

Anything silver and solid and shiny

Anything precious and pure, not sub-primey

Oh I love cash!

I once found a penny right next to my chair

I could have bought Lehman, I could have bought Bear

My piggybank got it, I'm glad it's still there!

I love it because it's cash!

Oh I love cash!

Anything silver and solid and shiny

Anything precious and pure, not sub-primey

Oh I love, I love, I love cash!

Comments

[MissStorm]

I absolutely loved your article. Great Job!

Oscar and I are a lot alike...which is of course why I'm so livid about this whole mess.

Of course, I don't live in a trash can (others may argue that) but I do not live above my means (which isnt much).

Oh, but I do buy things, unlike Oscar... (gotta do my part you know) I just happen to use cash.

[DNeal]

The United States Federal Reserve has further notified the China Development Bank, the second largest bank in Asia and the main holder of US mortgage debt instruments, that they will be designated by the US Secretary of the Treasury as one of the financial institutions protected by this extraordinary new law, and which, according to these reports, will empower Chinese policing authorities the right to act as law enforcement officers in the United States including granting them the right to evict American citizens from homes whose mortgage debt is held by China" "Not being understood by the American people is that China is the holder of over $1.4 Trillion of US debt backed by the mortgages on the homes and property of tens of millions these people which, in essence, makes the Chinese one of the largest holders of land in the United States, and which the Chinese government has stated they will protect 'at all costs'. "If the American People allow private banks to control the issuance of their currency, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the People of all their Property until their Children will wake up homeless on the continent their Fathers conquered." -- Thomas Jefferson