Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens.
-- Peter McWilliams
A strong, successful man is not the victim of his environment. He creates favorable conditions. His own inherent force and energy compel things to turn out as he desires.
-- Orison Swett Marden
Some invisible force inside is urging me to write. So here I am. Writing.
As a kid, one of my pet hates was people failing to take responsibility for their behavior. This included family members, friends and many others. I couldn't comprehend why one would shirk from taking crystal clear responsibility. I mean, if you do it then you own it. No? In theory this is certainly how it should go down. However, as we all know theory rarely translates into reality.
Then one day it hit me. In the face. Hard.
The virtue (lets call it a virtue) I wanted people to indulge in was in fact something I was unwilling or unable to do myself. I did not own my behavior or my actions. Ever. The supposedly simple act of looking at myself in the mirror and accepting my frailties was too much for me to handle. It all seemed so alien. Me, responsible? Surely not! I had in fact become what I had railed against all my life.
Why was that? Was it my ego holding me back from accepting that I was in the wrong? Was it my old pattern of falling into victimhood?
I decided to find out by embarking on a mission: A secret one.
I purchased books. Lots of them. I read online chats, spoke to trusted friends all in an attempt to change the way I functioned in this world of ours. I wanted to embrace responsibility, and ultimately, find a path out of all the madness.
It took me many years. But, I think I may have figured it all out: My struggles stemmed from spending so much of my life in victim energy. Stuck. Damned. Lost. Everyone else was responsible for my pain. For my failings. Critically I had also made others responsible for dragging me out of my sadness. It was all your fault. Yes, you! Slowly, I started to realize that even though other people may actually have a part to play in my pain I was responsible. Even if I didn't want to be.
I am the one that has to live my life, and living entrenched in victimhood was emotionally catastrophic (note: use of the word "catastrophic" not chosen lightly). It was keeping me tethered to my painful past. It was keeping me tethered to my sadness. It was keeping me tethered. End of story.
The beginnings of a new life began when I started taking full responsibility for my actions. I was free. I was free to live my life. I was free to soar. I could take the punches life pulled with dignity and grace. I could look at myself in the mirror and say, "Although I am not perfect (who is?) I am worthy." I was my own best friend.
Other people were there on my journey but they were not the arbitrators of my destiny. They were there to help and teach me. Through the good and the bad.
My goals in life have changed since I found a freedom from debilitating victim energy. I want to take responsibility for all my actions good and bad. I want to be the bigger man, someone who owns up to his responsibilities in life. This is what I want.
What do you want?
Follow me on Twitter
Connect with me on Facebook
Visit my Website
Follow Leon Logothetis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/LeonLogothetis
BJ Gallagher: EGO = Edging God Out
Kelley Harrell: Creating Our Own Reality: An Evolutionary Responsibility
Marc Rosenbaum: Waiting for Empowerment
Dr. Hendrie Weisinger: Are You a Positive Critic?...It's in Your Best Interest to Be!
Accepting Personal Responsibility | LIVESTRONG.COM
self-responsibility | Time for change
With the growing challenges and burdens as you get a heavier load with each passing year, I don't see a reason to seek it out. That would be running faster than ye have strength.
this is very difficult to understand. taking full responsibility means you believe you have no unawareness that has affected your actions, which is not true for any human. consequences means we are held responsible for our actions and choices and even our thoughts.
also the want word, like this is what I want. wanting and not wanting are our greatest sources of sufferings. now your article will be in favor with most that read it. the human ego wants nothing more than to take full responsibility for its actions or play the victim role. two sides of the same ego coin.
what can we do? admit to our ignorance then admit we have let our ignorance influence our thoughts and our actions. try it the ego will scream in anger as the last thing the ego will admit to is its ignorance. victim yes, full responsibility yes, admit that our ignorance affected our actions; no way.
sorry I know you mean well but you might give this some deep thoughts. or not. :-)
Taking personal responsibility has come to mean you are culpable and you are to blame. Even self blame leading to guilt which the ego wallows in.
No soul was created perfect, contrary to what religion teaches.
If we were created perfect we would not exist as unique souls we could just be "blended" with this Isness that most call god.
The combination of our imperfections meaning our unawareness and our perfections meaning our awareness defines us as unique souls having human experiences.
We may know right from wrong but misguided desires, attachments, cravings, etc can overwhelm our knowing, meaning we have succumbed to our ignorance but they cannot overwhelm a knowing beyond knowing, which it is very rare to have a knowing beyond knowing.
Unawareness meaning ignorance is always the culprit, no exceptions.
That ignorance in the eyes of “God” is innocence. We are innocent of our perfect reality for a reason. Without that innocence that we view as ignorance, there is no creation, no manifestation, no expression of Oneness; we owe our uniqueness as souls to our innocence.
God sees innocence; man sees evil and sin. Why? Man, ok and a few women are still unaware of their perfect reality. :o)
One good thing is that no matter what efforts people may make to twist facts, correct statements, no one else can twist a person's awareness of reality. Another good thing is that anyone can drop the effort to twist things.