Let's Bring Back...Part VI

Ladies and Gentlemen:

With great pleasure, I present the sixth installment of my Let's Bring Back series.

A quiet homage to Vogue legend Diana Vreeland's famous Why Don't You? columns, the Let's Bring Back series celebrates rituals, curiosities, and objects from times past.

Without further ado, let's bring back ...

* * *

1. Symbolic flowers. Go beyond the convention of red roses on Valentine's Day (zzzzz) or white calla lilies at funerals; there exists a whole forgotten language of flowers. Fluency in this modus communicatus has endless benefits.

For example, the following blooms would make lovely, unusual engagement presents: orange blossoms (blessings in marriage), sage (domestic bliss), or gentian (virgin pride - tee hee).

Or: next time someone crosses you up, send him or her a bouquet of hepatica (anger), dandelions (bitterness), and begonias (dark thoughts). Or stick a vase of daffodils on their desk (unrequited love). Confuse 'em and hex 'em at the same time.

Click here for a list of flowers and their meanings.

2. Clean air. Enough said.

3. Duels. Because litigation is just so damn cost-prohibitive, and it takes too long as well.

4. Old-fashioned names, instead of the weird names making the rounds for today's American infants. For example, in 2007, some of the most popular baby names for girls included:

Madison (#5)
Addison (#11)
Neveah (#31)

Strange times indeed, when there are five Brooklyns (#51) and three Zoeys (#111) in your child's second grade class.

Here's a list of the 1,000 most popular baby names in the U.S. for every year dating back to 1879.

Amusingly, you'll note that a hundred years ago, names like Ruth, Mildred, and Dorothy were wafting about in the top ten.

5. Honeybees. According to National Geographic, the domesticated honeybee population has declined by nearly half in the last fifty years.

Their disappearance would seriously affect our food supply (bees, via pollination, are apparently responsible for 15 to 30% of the food U.S. consumers eat).

And plus, they're so unbelievably satisfying to look at, with their opinionated yellow and black stripes.

6. Bread. The endless anti-bread and pasta campaign is such a bore. As with everything, moderation is key. Not that Americans are used to moderating their diets - but if dogs can be trained, so can we.

7. Peddlers. Where are the roaming knife sharpeners when you need them?

8. Elevator operators. Especially handy if you can't afford a therapist.

9. Intellectually curious role-models for women. In old Woody Allen films, the female characters took courses on existential motifs in literature or read Dostoevsky. Their heroines were Joan Didion and Gloria Steinem.

These days, the cinematic role models for young women sit around endless brunches and obsess about penis size, Manolo Blahniks, and how to freeload off rich men.

No wonder these ladies were perpetually single for six seasons.

10. Elopements. They are romantic.

Not romantic: fighting with your in-laws and parents about seating plans/wording on invitations/linens choices/who-pays-for-it-all.

Comments

[QueenCeleste]

Maybe your best "Let's Bring Back" yet.

I'll add, as it's sweltering today, fans. The pretty painted or patterned variety ladies used ages ago., They had the added advantage of not just cooling the user, but as an instrument to flirt with potential suitors. They are not easy to find today, except perhaps in Chinatown or Asian shops. (Lesley, if you've mentioned this one in a previous list, forgive me!)

[jukesgrrl]

Joan Didion and Gloria Steinem never stopped being my heroines. Both still glorious REALITY STARS.

[rmetz74]

The old-timey baby names are back in a big way. I know a Beatrice, an Evelyn, contless Jacks, a Monty...

[sophieozz]

Brooklyn, NY, still has a traveling knife sharpener. It's nice to hear the bell that announces his arrival.

Love your list.

[philly282]

i love it when white people huff and puff about certain black names when they're watching sports (Amare, Dontarrius, Robert)

i don't think we need to name children after catholic saints....but some of these contemporary white names are stupid---Addison (addy for short), Madison, Riley, Jackson...

those are either surnames or names for a golden retriever

when white parents tell me some stupid name 'non-traditional' name like Mckenzie, i sigh deeply and go "why can't you people name yo kids normal names?

[mcole]

like shaniqua? lol, i feel u for real, but we blacks have weird names too, and i;m nigerian, if you knew the meanings of our names!
its all luv tho

[JBS]

The honey bee is not native to North America. It is an introduced species.

[Artisbey]

Because of many parents sometimes "irrational exuberance" picking a baby's name, people should be given a tempory name at birth, a working moniker, if you will; then allowed to choose their own legal name at age 18.

I'm sure my old friends Gladstone, Zebedee, Kasolene, Froness, Vassar, Hypernia and Beaufer would totally agree.

[mythster]

I think this is a great concept but I wonder how it would work. If you're "Marie" from 1-18 and then change it to "Desdemona" what's your momma gonna call you (or maybe she won't & you win)

[cktirumalai]

The thing about children's names is that since children themselves are never consulted parents can't be too careful in their choice.

[JScott]

There are some office buildings left that have operators, I worked in one for awhile.

[FatJoe]

Hurrah for Number 9! Marie Curie, not Carrie Bradshaw! Margaret Sanger, not Heidi Montag! Emma Goldman, not Jessica Simpson!

[ethancorso]

Margaret Sanger was an unapologetic bigot, and a proponent of eugenics. She is no hero.

[davesideas]

Thank you very much for this sincerely interesting article; you definitely hit on the top ten...