It's fashion week in New York, and I'm not supposed to care.
I'm supposed to read the front page of The New York Times and save Women's Wear Daily for later.
After all, I'm an educated woman, and I shouldn't be concerned with fashion.
There's a war going on in Iraq. So I shouldn't be interested in what's going on in Vogue.
But I am interested; I can't help it.
Rationally I know that in this sense I can have my cake and eat it, too. I can be interested in foreign policy and stock market fluctuations and Chekhov and also maintain an interest in appearance and style. I tell myself over and over again that the interests are not mutually exclusive.
But I often feel guilty about admitting to my love of style, for fear that the admission will somehow render more serious achievements and concerns void.
As Susan Sontag pointed out: "To be concerned with one's own beauty is to risk the charge of narcissism and frivolity."
And who wants to have those poison-tipped arrows shot at them?
I know that I'm not alone in this uneasiness. Most of us work hard for recognition, for credibility, and no one wants those achievements to be undermined by accusations of vapidity at best -- or stupidity at worst.
For every woman who thinks that style is a commonsense component of a professional persona, I know another who fears that a concern with style distracts from their credentials and makes them look superficial.
Coming from a hard news background, where workplace fashion was certainly not a priority, I am particularly susceptible to such ponderings and guilty feelings. Hell, in Washington, D.C., where I was based for four years, to dress fashionably is akin to wearing a placard proclaiming "show-off" or "lightweight"...or a school-kiddish sign on your back that says "dismiss me."
Yet despite my own susceptibilities in this respect, I maintain that there is something amiss in this fearful way of thinking. For I genuinely believe that those who snub style are missing an opportunity.
Bear with me for a moment while I explain.
Appearances count, and let's never fool ourselves about that. No one in any position of power -- be it financial, governmental, or social power -- will ever argue that one's appearance is irrelevant. Like it or not, a haircut is a presidential campaign issue these days. This may be an unhappy state of affairs, but that's the way it is.
Our physical appearances are our outermost frontiers of identity. And they shape more of our character traits and attitudes than we'd like to admit -- or than we probably know. Our façades enormously inform others' first, second and tenth impressions of us, and in turn, affect how people treat us. These superficial reactions are a fact of daily life.
And anything on this level of importance deserves to be intellectualized and strategically used to our advantage.
When we take the time to cultivate a particular style, we assume greater control of the sort of impression we make. And managing the impressions of others is a vastly effective skill in all aspects of one's life, as any podunk politician can tell you.
Within this context, therefore, being concerned with style is simply an assertive approach to creating and projecting a successfully articulated persona, of which physicality is a crucial part.
Whether we think about it in these terms or not, we still make these 'persona' decisions every day. We shell out money for everything in our closets and our bathroom cabinets; we give directions to our hairdressers; we use specific verbal and physical vocabularies. Even if most these decisions are lazy, default ones (of the "must wear clothes, or get arrested" variety), they are decisions regardless -- and ones that make each of us distinct from others.
If such decisions are inevitable for each and every one of us, why not move from a defensive to an offensive position?
You might as well, for there's a nasty little Catch-22: as a woman, if you're not noted for your sense of style, you'll inevitably be noted for your lack of it.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
So assume control of the situation. After all, an intelligently-conceived style can be an integral physical hint about one's interior life. Style reassembles itself as an outward display of personality, a form of visual articulation. It is not surprising that some women want to make stronger statements than others. But nobody makes no statement; it simply isn't an option.
It is when you chose to take control of the statement you're making that style becomes empowering, not discrediting.
I'm sure that all of you have heard the grandmotherly advice to "dress for who you want to be" -- words usually dispensed before an aspirational event, such as a first date or job interview. I dare say that there's truth in this adage. Because often the first step in convincing others is convincing yourself, and psychologically speaking, dressing for a role goes a long way in both respects.
By taking the time to cultivate a specific style for yourself -- whether intentionally demure or outlandish or somewhere in between -- you are conveying that you are strong enough to be introspective, which is no small task. It means that you have assessed your attributes and flaws and are choosing to portray yourself accordingly.
You are showing that you are confident and able to weather detraction, since no particular style will be everyone's cup of tea. Along the same lines, you are showing that you are decisive, that out of a sea of options, you've chosen to 'illustrate' yourself in this very specific manner.
Decisiveness, confidence, introspection: these are all highly worthy qualities, wouldn't you say? Not exactly things about which one should feel ashamed.
Please note: I am certainly not agitating for a disproportionate attentiveness to one's appearance, especially at the expense of enhancing one's intellect or morals. Everyone knows that these entities are the ultimate barometers of anyone's character.
Nor am I equating style with beauty. In my eyes, the pursuit of beauty is a far less noble occupation than the pursuit of style -- for the former often subscribes to popular, trendy notions of appeal, whereas style can be and should be a unique expression of self.
In fact, I am a huge fan of the French concept of jolie-laide, which roughly translates as "ugly-pretty." I.e. a creature or object that is not considered classically beautiful but is still undeniably compelling.
There exists boldness, thoughtfulness, and substance behind that sort of style.
Let's reassess our guilty relationship with style. Disapproval abounds on this planet. If we can't do away with disapproval, we may as quietly manage those who dispense it -- and feel secure that we're operating from a position of strength.
We should just remember to approach style like we do everything else of importance: that is, mindfully.
Follow Lesley M. M. Blume on Twitter: www.twitter.com/lesleymmblume
THE GIRLS ALL LOOK PRETTIER AT CLOSING TIME!
Somewhere in the blogsphere is another response I wrote about how completely f'ing insane it is to think clothes could be worth that. I guess I assumed you knew me better, and could see the fabulous thrift store wardrobes of myself and friends. But alas, not, and if some one gave me a $100,000 bag, all you'd see was the blur of me returning it for cash! Beauty isn't dependant on money spent!
I've long known that when I see a man or woman, who has chosen a color, texture, cut etc that is beautiful or interesting, that it makes me happy. I am grateful for beauty, for whimsy, for an opportunity to see into another's vision, if you will.
The world can be ugly, so I say an effort to inject some light is a good effort.
I am grateful for beauty, for whimsy, for an opportunity to see into another's vision, if you will.
===
I couldn't agree more.
I have a gratitude list on my fridge, and here's #16 on my list, courtesy FORBES magazine:
=====================================
Extravagance Redefined: Lavish Designer Handbags
Could you spend $100,000 on a little black purse?
Forbes went in search of the world's most expensive designer handbags and found a new level of extravagance. Full Story
How about a diamond-studded black crocodile bag? Click through the gallery to see the world's most expensive handbags.
=====================================
As you say, scoopdjour, what a wonderful "opportunity to see into another's vision".
I'm getting a little vaklempt here. Talk amongst yourselves, otay?
I also read the New York Times, the Huffington Post, watch the news, and worry (often way too much) about the state of the world. But my style is something over which I have control, and the frightening, heartbreaking, maddening events that come thick and fast each day are not. For me style and beauty around us act as buffers against the alarming news stories and distressing photos on page one. So, read your Women's Wear Daily without apology. Those who might think you shallow obviously do not know you!
===
Otay!
===
Leslie: Disapproval abounds on this planet.
===
True enough. There are plenty of things I bet you disapprove of too...like Bushco, right?
(BTW, I disapprove of Bushco too!)
===
Leslie: If we can't do away with disapproval, we may as well quietly manage those who dispense it -- and feel secure that we're operating from a position of strength.
===
The only disapproval you need to "quietly manage" is the critical internal parent in your own head.
That's the only way to operate from a position of REAL strength, otay?
MY NAME IS OTAYPANKY - AND I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE
If clothes were to make the man, OR the woman, Gandhi missed that memo!
Things you would NOT hear Gandhi say:
The girls will just die when they see my new earrings.
Does this make me look fat?
Is the broach AND the necklace just too much to do together?
I just love shopping!
I know it cost a lot, but I am worth it!
Quality, is not found in a dime store.
Yes, I married well, how do you think I can afford these clothes?
If I wear a suit instead of this peasant blouse, are you sure they will respect me?
This business outfit will be great for the meeting; it is sooo corporate.
Hun, listen to Grandma.
It is what is between your ears; that counts.
Dress nice, smart and stylish, find good off-the-rack quality and stick with it. Personal grooming and deportment has much more to do with your being the hit at the ball than anything you put on.
Oh and another clue, MEN like rounder women. It was NOT the dress that made Marylyn Monroe; it was a bit of coosh and a mile of attitude.
PLUS!
Think of all the money you will save to open your own business. You would be great with design. You know your customer, your meal ticket, your “mark” for your future, you are SHE!
Take all you have going for you, and make something of it!
BTW, is your Grandmother single?
All the best
Knute