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Leslie Goldman

Leslie Goldman

Posted April 24, 2009 | 05:24 PM (EST)

Going Upper Commando in Style


Victoria Beckham may refuse to fess up as to whether her soccer balls are natural or fake, but a recent jaunt through a Milan Airport confirmed one thing: Her nipple covers are...REAL!

This is by no means the first nip slip for V. Becks. Last year while performing in London, Scary Spice was forced to grab/shield her co-chanteuse's left orb just milliseconds before it slingshot out of a tight corset. The clothing designer also seems to harbor a proclivity towards flashing her nipples even while wearing a bra. And here, she's sporting some maj-uh flower power.

With summer around the bend, spaghetti straps and bandeau-style jumpsuits will be begging owners for as little coverage as possible. If you're perky enough, it's doable with stick-ons, but as Victoria's paparazzi shot makes embarrassingly clear (Oy, her poor son -most of us just had to worry about our moms showing too much minivan at school), ladies and their two best gals need the RIGHT stick-ons to head off this style faux pas.

Enter Nippies Naturals. http://www.bristols6.com/00Home_new.html (Potentially NSFW). I recently received a press release touting Nippies as "an amazing style fix for spring/summer that looks great and is wallet friendly." Which is good because in an age where people are struggling to put food on the table and pounds are overflowing with abandoned dogs and cats, a girl needs a low-cost nipple shield.

According to Nippies, Victoria Beckham's low-beam intentions were good, but she made the mistake of sticking on thick, shiny, heavy silicone shields. Not only do these create "telltale ridges, wrinkly or 'puffy' nipples," but they obviously show-through via camera flash. Nippies Natural, thankfully, are made from "skin-like matte silicone...with tapered edges [and a] 'paparazzi proof' matte finish." Wear 'em under J. Lo plunging necklines, sheer tops, swimsuits, and even yoga wear (Sun Salutation, indeed).

Some other options for nipping your buds in the bud:

Love My Bubbles Silicone Nipple Petals (Be sure to hop around this site - they also have padded panties to complete the look.)

Bare Necessities offers a wide variety of options, with fabulously cheeky names like Top Hats and SassyNips.

From China, these butterfly- and heart-adorned numbers seem meant to be seen.

Feeling Madonna-esque? Nippies also sells silver lame and rhinestone-encrusted cross-shaped shields. Thank God.