THE BLOG
05/30/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Grand Theft Auto: D-Cup Edition

I don't Wii. I don't even play computer solitaire. In fact, the last time I interfaced with a computer game, I was 12 and crushing on Mario from Super Mario Brothers (ooh, that mustache!)

But apparently, somewhere between Qbert and Legend of Zelda, these games became candy-colored, illustrated versions of Playboy. I realized this early this morning when, while driving through two kid-centric Chicago neighborhoods (OK, one of them is commonly referred to as "hipster/gentrified" and was the site of Real World: Chicago, but still -- kids live there!) I saw not one, but two huge, in-your-face billboards for Grand Theft Auto. Was there a picture of a car on either of them? No. A thief? Of course not. Unless the double-D-cup, sexed-up cartoon women painted on the 20-story buildings are carjackers of some sort. One was licking a bulbous red lollipop in the most seductive way an illustration could; the other wore a low-cut tank top and did nothing but simply lean forward, her heaving bosom threatening to smother the Windy City.

I'm not a prude -- I know sex is used to sell everything from cologne to vodka. But do we really need gigantic posters-ads targeting young men with their erect comic strip nipples? While they're driving?? Admittedly, I'm not familiar with Grand Theft Auto's target demographic (though I'm sure they're all top-notch winners) but when I tried to visit the site, a prompt requires you to enter your birth date/year, so I'm assuming there's something worth hiding from the kiddies. But then why target them these kinds of ads?

In 2006, we were introduced to "Naughty America: The Game." This online adventure combined one-on-one chat functions and multiplayer dating games with options to interact both online as well as in the real world. Players could also take virtual trips to the tattoo parlor, a sex shop, use their e-apartment to throw a swingers party or indulge in a personal fetish. (Online shopping, anyone?) Naughty America stirred up controversy because it could be downloaded quite easily by an underager (Adult stores required photo ID/proof of age to buy.) So yes, it was marketed as an "adult" game but really, what horny 14-year-old boy wouldn't kill to get his grubby paws on a game that allowed him to do this? (Potentially NSFW, especially if you work in a high school.)

I wonder, what does it say about you if you need to turn to cartoons to get your rocks off?
(Though I must admit, these two always did do a little somethin-somethin for me.)