THE BLOG

Single White Tomcat Seeks Mate

06/04/2014 06:07 pm ET | Updated Aug 04, 2014

Hello, Internet world! Well, after a year of being single and striking out with courting the reflection in my bathroom mirror, I've decided that it's time I branch out. I, Tater, am officially entering the world of online dating.

So, until there's a great online dating site for cats (I'm working on it. I'm taking a night course in HTML coding), I'll just share a bit about me and what I'm looking for.

Words to Describe Me: Contemplative, Intense

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Can you stare into space for hours on end? Well, neither can I. But I can do a good solid 5 minutes of not blinking where you'd swear I'm gazing straight into your soul. And you know why you feel that way? Because I'm gazing straight into your soul. It's how I like to meditate and connect on a higher spiritual plane. That and sometimes I'm just having a mini stroke and can't blink my eyes.

Likes: BOXES!

I got serious about boxes about a month ago, and haven't looked back since. I'm still perfecting my technique, but I find that I'm partial to a three-quarter in-box position.

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Although, given enough cocktails, there's no stopping me from doing a head-on stare-down through the end of a box. Call me crazy! ...or drunk.

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Dislikes: Dogs

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If I have to explain this then stop reading now. We're not compatible.

Interesting Facts About Me: Was an International Male Model and Notary Public

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I never set out to be the perfect hybrid of brains and beauty, but life has a funny way of bringing things together. I had just finished getting my notary license and decided to reward myself with a photo shoot at Glamour Shots (I had a coupon). Little did I know that a scout for one of the top modeling agencies in the world would be there.

For the next several months, I lived a life of jet-setting, runways, addiction and rehab. It was fabulous. Also, I'm still available for notary services. Just bring $2 cash and a valid photo I.D.

Hobbies: Performance Art

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While overseas for my modeling career, I enrolled in a French mime institute. Mime seemed to be the logical choice since I could easily save on face paint. My miming eventually evolved into a type of performance art. Here I am performing, "Ennui? Mais Oui."

It's an exploration into the psyche that embodies desire and boredom; "want" with "indifference." The piece usually ends with me popping a red balloon that has a smiley face drawn on it, but sometimes I just roll over and shed a single tear. It's a powerful piece. If you play your cards right, you might just get to see it for yourself.

Spirituality/Religion: Open

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Each morning, I approach my cat tree alter to meditate and ask the universe for guidance, favor, love, and growth. It's a religious practice that has its origins based in nothing, but it works for me. Also, I'm able to get some good yoga stretches in and that helps my circulatory system. I'm open to all walks of life and thought philosophies. So as long as you're not bat-sh*t crazy, game on.

Family: Yes!

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photo courtesy of the author

Family is very important to me. I live with my mom. I'm not ashamed to say that. If you're going to date me, you have to be willing to date my family. Since when did we stop valuing the institution of tight-knit families? Or free rent? Or carte blanche access to the fridge? To me, it's just practical. (Also, I don't have opposable thumbs and haven't been able to figure out how to open the front door. So, yeah, I'm stuck here.)

So, that's me in a nutshell. If this sounds like something, or someone, you'd be interested in, please give me a shout. As they say, "I'm single and ready to mingle!" Also, I'm sorry for saying "I'm single and ready to mingle."

Unless otherwise noted, all photos courtesy of Holly Brookhouser and used with permission. Follow her and her rescue pets on Instagram and Twitter