Active Coping Applied

For those who want to be as high functioning as possible, let me now share the four categories I use to assess active coping.

The first category is articulating positive goals. Can you define what it is you want to achieve? Understand this can be difficult. Are your goals realistic or grandiose? Are they specific or nebulous? Are they compatible or do they conflict? I believe this is what Marcus Buckingham talks about as knowing your true sources of gratification.

Take the young woman I'll call Caroline. I began working with Caroline after she received a major promotion at her investment bank. Caroline had achieved a great deal in her career while being unclear about what it was she wanted to achieve. Her promotion meant she had to generate new business. It was a job she both wanted and feared. Though pleased with the recognition, she also confided she preferred being number two.

In the course of our work together, it became evident that Caroline had a complicated relationship with her dad growing up. He belittled her achievements while letting her know he expected her to excel. Understandably, she was unable to throw herself into work with the full commitment that success required. As a result, she was unhappy with her promotion and not performing to anyone's satisfaction.

This example brings us to Category 2, articulating sources of frustration. Caroline was ambivalent about what she wanted, so her goals were unclear. In her case, the source of frustration was internal. She was her own worst enemy (with a little help from her dad). She had worked hard to achieve while carefully avoiding ever taking the initiative. It wasn't until she identified the discomfort associated with making a success of the promotion that she could see how she was sabotaging her career. Once she felt safe enough to talk about what motivated her self-defeating behavior (such as missing flights and being late to important client meetings), she could resolve her ambivalence about success.

In other cases, the source of frustration may be external. What stands in the way is the real world. We are competing with others who want the same job and only one person is going to get it. Or family demands keep us from staying at work. Or there truly is a glass ceiling.

The best strategies anticipate setbacks, develop options, and prepare us to identify solutions. How openly and realistically we perceive problems profoundly influences our chances for success. Some individuals cannot even imagine they could fail. They'll point to ways they've turned every situation to their advantage rather than admit weakness.

When we do not acknowledge our fears, we cannot see how much our workplace performance is designed to avoid them. We go through life with one hand tied behind our backs. Many jobs can be performed with one hand. But, when we rise in our careers, performing consistently well requires both hands.

In my experience, successful executives shine because they have the active coping that allows them to confront, acknowledge, and overcome sources of frustration so they can move toward their positive goals. Attaining a certain status in a corporate hierarchy may mean surpassing a parent we were afraid to beat. It may mean rising above those who have mentored us.

We've now covered articulating positive goals, articulating sources of frustration and instrumental coping. Next is self-esteem and integrity, Category 4.

This is where we put it all together. Do our activities reflect our values, aspirations and ideals? Do our efforts to pursue our ambitions take our weaknesses into account?

We feel good about ourselves if we are pursuing what we really want in a way that is consistent with our values. That's why it is important to know what drives us, and to reassess our goals as we change and the world around us changes. Knowing what is most important to us, we are able to commit to pursuing meaningful goals and accept the fact that we may not succeed. We are confident if we pursue goals that are realistically within our grasp, but high enough to stretch us.

If you take anything away from what I have written, remember this: developing active coping takes time, experience and constant re-evaluation. With experience comes awareness, with awareness comes mastery, and with mastery comes the flexibility and strength that is active coping.

Comments

[wagadog]

Hey I really like this article, and I'm disappointed that there are no comments on it.

So here goes: I look at active coping as important for women in male dominated professions in the same way as trying to sail upwind. You have to tack back and forth to make any progress, but you can. You will not make as much progress as a man with the same background, skills, experience and education...because *he* has the wind at his back.

We can't change the wind, but we can change our response to it. Thanks for this article, Leslie!