I recently deleted my Grindr and Adam4Adam profiles.
For those of you who are not familiar with the world of casual gay sex (and honestly, you really should be), they're a hookup app and website, respectively. Ever since sobering up, I've had little to no sex drive. I'm not sure if it's a symptom of sobriety or of getting older.
Most of my friends, the sons of bitches, are in committed relationships, leaving me the designated spinster. 2012 was a banner year for my sex life, however, as I filled the void of/enjoyed the fruits of singledom with many a casual hookup. I was a virgin until 21, so I relished this newfound sexual freedom.
Though often I was left feeling emptier still.
That's the funny thing about a void: It can never be truly filled. There's always a need for more, and unless you realize this, you'll be stuck in a perpetual cycle of sex and the yearning for sex, especially if you're gay and live in New York, as I am and do.
So my lack of sex drive is really a blessing in disguise. I'm no longer wasting hours (and I mean hours) of my life seeking the next big fling. I am no longer a slave to the pop of a new Grindr message. No longer obsessively checking visitors to my A4A profile every few minutes. Free at last, free at last, thank gay almighty, I am free at last!
Consequently, I'm much more focused on other things -- my career, to be specific -- that I don't miss the lascivious longing. Of course, there is the longing for something more: a relationship. But that's another blog post altogether. Sex and love, as they have always been in mind, are two separate ideas deserving separate treatises.