You Won't Believe You Swallowed the Whole Thing

11/15/2013 05:06 pm ET | Updated Jan 23, 2014

Unmarried women of America, watch out: Conservatives are coming after you!

Well, OK, you probably already knew that. But we're not talking about the conservatives you might think we are -- the ones who, for example, keep frightening everybody with vaginal probes while breathlessly trying to slut-shame women for having access to birth control. ("Keep hoeing yourselves out ladies," tweeted FOX News' Katie Pavlich this week after seeing a provocative ad from a Colorado non-profit about getting insurance coverage. "Obamacare depends on it!")

It would seem a stretch to believe that, with all they're doing to wage war on women, conservatives would think that women would vote for them in droves -- if only they truly understood the conservative message.

Never underestimate the GOP's chutzpah. Now there's Burning Glass Consulting, a firm in Virginia that's dedicated to teaching Republicans how to "get smarter" about delivering the Republican message "specifically to women." After all, it's just a communication problem!

"Certainly there are challenges with other demographic groups," acknowledges one of the women who founded Burning Glass -- "challenges" perhaps meaning the GOP's outright hostility to those groups' interests. But Burning Glass isn't interested in them; women voters are the real prize. After all, as Burning Glass points out, women are 53 percent of the electorate; Obama carried them by 11 percent margin in 2012. Unmarried women -- 53 million of them -- he carried by 36 percent. If Burning Glass could somehow wave their magic vaginal probes and turn those voters Republican... just think! They'd never need to pander to a racial minority again!

And how hard could it be?

Well, we suppose that depends on how good their strategy is. "Burning Glass" is so named to reference the intended laser-like focus on women voters -- so laser-like it can burn glass. That sounds to us like they need a catchy slogan! There's nothing in America that a concise, memorable phrase can't sell. Everyone knows that. So what ad campaign will these consultants come up with?

What do YOU think?


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