'Fifty Shades of Grey' Is a Laff Riot

03/01/2015 07:15 am ET | Updated Apr 29, 2015
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Waiting in a doctor's office soon after Fifty Shades of Grey was becoming a bestseller, I overheard two quite elderly women discussing it. One said, "We had it in our reading group." The other asked, "What did you think?" Without hesitation, the first woman replied, "I didn't learn anything new."


I learned a lot from it myself: how a book meant to be erotic, enticing, and exciting could actually be quite funny -- unintentionally. E.L. James writes badly enough to teach young writers a lot. Her novel is filled with negative lessons, especially when it comes to her prose. And it's just hilarious. Here are five of my favorite funny bad lines:

"I moan into his mouth, giving his tongue an opening."


"I have a serious case of the butterflies. They are flourishing in my stomach."

"My subconscious has reared her somnambulant head."


" 'Ah,' I groan."

"My body quivers, bows: a sheen of sweat gathers over me."


It's hard not to admire James: she writes badly in so many different ways.

Lev Raphael's 25th book is the novel of suspense Assault With a Deadly Lie. You can check out his other books on Amazon here.