Monday, after the biggest one-day drop in the U.S. stock market in history -- following a week in which the country's most established investment banks had toppled like dominoes -- it was easy to think that bread lines might loom in our nation's near future.
For those of us who love musical theater, it was impossible not to start absent-mindedly humming tunes from the sunny Depression-era musical "Annie." (OK, maybe Hank Paulson's spooky resemblance to Daddy Warbucks helped). Here, I've updated one of "Annie's" melodies, "We'd Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover," to give you a tune to whistle to distract yourself from thoughts of the coming Newpression.
And remember... the sun'll come out, tomorrow --
WE'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALAN GREENSPAN*
(sung to the tune of "We'd Like to Thank You Herbert Hoover")
(*Feel free to substitute Henry Paulson, Dubbya Bushie, Chairman Cox -- or your personal financial bugbear, as long as you can make him "scan." Repeat until your 401k has bottomed out.)
My IRA has lost two zeroes,
My nephew's college fund flatlined.
Those Wall Street guys thought they were heroes--
They've robbed us all blind!
For twenty years the Fed was gloating
Said: Don't you worry your poor heads!
Don't strain yourself about the voting--
We'll feather our beds!
We'd like to thank you, Alan Greenspan
For really showing us the way
We'd like to thank you, Alan Greenspan
You made us what we are today!
You know, we do have our distresses--
We bought our houses zero-down--
So when the lender repossesses,
Hello--- shanty town!
We'd like to stop the Wall Street free-fall
We're sad the moguls have collapsed--
But while they're crying in their Cristal--
We're rationing Pabst.
You said the wealth would trickle downward,
Raining riches in our palms.
But now the gravy train has foundered--
Who's begging for alms?
HEY ALAN!
You sanctified deregulation
And urged the feeding frenzy on--
Your sense of timing's a sensation--
What a pity that you've gone...
Those hedge fund thieves they led such high lives--
Rolling in ill-gotten gain,
But now that they're all taking nosedives,
Why'd we get the pain?
We'd like to thank you Alan --thank you Alan!
For really showing us the way
You spoiled brat, you Bureaucrat, you
Made us what we are today!