How to Make Your Assistant Not Hate You on Administrative Professionals' Day

In case you haven't heard, and in case the office manager didn't circle it on the big calendar in the break room, tomorrow (April 22) is Administrative Professionals' Day. That new, bulky name has replaced the Secretary's Day of yore, just like your sweet, quiet 50-something career secretary was replaced by a series of bratty liberal arts school graduates who seem equal parts disgusted and outraged that they have to face the daily indignity of answering your telephone.

So, since that surly kid who brings your coffee in every morning seems to dislike you as much as the surly kid who ignores you from the other side of the breakfast table, this is your chance to use Administrative Professionals' Day to your advantage. Here are a couple of tips for making this your best office holiday ever:

1. Do not ask your assistant to pick up his or her own gift. I know, you're so used to sending your assistant out for gifts for your spouse and kids that it seems like second nature. But unless you're handing over your credit card and saying "go pick out something nice," you are going to have to get the gift yourself. If you simply can't bear to do it, at least ask one of the other assistants in the office.

2. Try to get a gift that is not practical - this means no shiny new filing cabinets, no expensive pens, no monogrammed address books. If you give your assistant a gift that they will only be able to use at work, he or she is entitled to throw it at you. (Please note the assistants' code, Ch. 4, article 7.)

3. Don't slip and refer to it as Secretary's Day. Seriously.

4. An e-card is not a present. An e-card is allowed when it comes from a fellow broke recent college grad friend who lives far away and wants to amuse you for a couple of minutes by sending a funny email.

5. If you can't think of a suitable gift, money is fine.

6. It is not advisable to write any variation of "You should be grateful you still have a job in this economy" on the card, especially if the same is true for you.

7. Acceptable gifts include a nice box of brand name chocolate or candy (unless they're allergic or on a diet and would thus find your gift offensive), perfume (unless they have a reaction to the smell of musk), a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret (unless you've already been warned about the whole sexual harassment thing, or your assistant is a dude), or a dartboard with your headshot on it (unless they already have one). Come to think of it, you should probably just play it safe and give money.

8. Cash is better.

I hope this clears things up. If your assistant continues to hate you even after you have proffered some kind of nice, thoughtful gift, perhaps it would help to remember that while Administrative Professionals' Day only happens once a year, miraculous things can happen when you are nice to your assistant all year round. Happy employees are more productive and loyal employees. And they also give better presents on Boss' Day.

Comments

[RedInGeorgia]

Let's see...it's now 2:30pm. I have yet to receive any acknowledgement. I'll come back at 5:00pm to give an update.

[shdrew]

A good assistant is worth their weight in GOLD! If you're fortunate enough to have a good assistant, remember them on Administrative Professionals Day, of course. But even more important - reward the assistant accordingly in their paycheck. An extra $10K or so given to a good assistant will bring returns tenfold to the boss.

[GetOnMyMap]

Wow - I'd be stunned if somebody who has an assistant is self-reflexive enough to actually read this article, let alone the comments. If you want to show your assistant you appreciate the service their mind-numbingly stupid job offers you, then go ahead and do just that. Find out where they want to go in the business, find out what matters to them and help them find their way there. If they want a cushy job for now with benefits and to work for nice people (nothing wrong with that in this economy) then maybe you can be one of those nice people. As for gifts, you know they don't make as much as you and you wouldn't make what you do if you didn't have one of them - so tip accordingly. Money is the best gift an employer can give. They don't come to work every day for the free crap wrapped in bows.

[WorkingClass]

Administrative Professional is a title bestowed on you in lieu of pay. Take whatever they give you and smile. If you still have your soul, find a way out of that corporate culture.

[GrahamInCanada]

I well remember the scene, transnational R&D workplace, an incoming vp being airdropped in, two female and one male secretary in place, hours before the VP arrived, each got perfume and flowers, with a cute note... The scene I remember is the VP meeting the male secretary, who duly thanked him for the gifts. His good grace rather than throwing things won the day...

The same mistaken assumptions infuse this piece...

[ProAssisting]

Thanks for the post... I would just add that an AMEX gift card is almost just as good as cash and feels more like a gift... that's what we get ($50) and it does the trick just fine.

[posttheist]

Candy and sweets are the worst gifts to give to an Admin Asst.... Thats like saying that person is a kid, young, and likes childish things... I had a job like that in college and it was always so offensive that someone purchased candy for me...

[COBB09]

Posttheist: #7 was a veiled and hysterical way to say "give cash" again. It makes my heart a little sad that you missed the point. Maybe you spent a little too much time at that job in college and not enough time in class?

Lilit: fun as always. Well done on your first Huff Post post.