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Lily Gellman

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Discourse on Intercourse: An Opportunity to Teach Sex Education the Right Way

Posted: 10/04/11 01:10 AM ET

"I will choose friends who choose abstinence," urges a document used in one New York State sex education curriculum. "I will always stick to my sex role," the same curriculum continues. If you find these two recommendations alarming, or you cannot quite fathom their implications, you may believe that Mayor Bloomberg's mandate that all NYC public high school students learn sex education is progress, but not enough.

Bloomberg's August 9 mandate, which is currently going into effect, is the city's most significant with concern to health education since required HIV/AIDS curricula was introduced in the 1990s. Many organizations, including the New York Civil Liberties Union, laud it as a major step forward in teaching teenagers pregnancy and STI prevention.

But they also warn of the marked difference between demanding that NYC high school students receive some semblance of sex education, and demanding a program that actually teaches us what we need to know. As the NYCLU and other organizations work with the Department of Education to implement the new policy, it is crucial that the DOE listen to their well-researched recommendations.

Imagine a scale from one to 10. One marks abstinence-only-until-heterosexual-marriage education, while 10 represents safer sex-positive, LGBTQ-inclusive education. My high school's curriculum up until this year falls somewhere in the scale's middle, but tips precariously toward its lower end.

One student knew the curriculum would not meet her expectations from the moment she received two handouts on the topic of puberty. Smiling out from the "male version" of the handout was a muscular football player sporting a #5 jersey, chin stubble, cleats, and a football held under his arm. The "female version" displayed a stick-thin cheerleader wearing a tank top and miniskirt, and clutching pompoms. Even without the sex-specific details, you would know the intended gender of the figure on each worksheet. Why? The pictures engender flagrant stereotypes about what boys like to do versus what girls like to do. But the flaws go deeper.

"We would learn all about different STDs and what the symptoms are," remarked another anonymous student, "but not even how to use a condom." Furthermore, the curriculum mentions neither alternative methods of barrier protection (such as dental dams and finger cots), nor many hormonal methods of birth control. Course materials only truly acknowledge penis-in-vagina sex, and one student complained that when anal sex was discussed in her classroom, it was described as "unnatural." As the sex-education website Scarleteen puts it, such biased portrayals tend to "throw queer people under the bus."

Educators at my school do show the movie Philadelphia in health classes, in which a law firm discriminates against Tom Hanks' character, a gay man, for having AIDS. In the same movie, students see Denzel Washington's character react in a homophobic manner to a man who flirted with him, not realizing he was straight.

Some note with approval the minimal inclusion of gay content, while others remain dissatisfied. After all, gay men are not mentioned except through a movie associating them with HIV/AIDS, and lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are erased completely from the discourse. No worksheets on what constitutes a healthy relationship includes LGBT relationships. And while the movie was thought-provoking, there is a broader discussion to be had in health class about homophobia, transphobia, heterosexism and cissexism.

In fact, there is a broader discussion to be had in health class about all kinds of oppression, including racism, sexism, faithism, and classism. What socioeconomic group has teenage girls getting pregnant and dropping out of school in dismaying numbers because they think that college is not an option? What religion has boys foregoing condoms because their churches taught them only the sanctity of abstinence and the sin of contraception?

Groundbreaking curricula do exist to address the gaping holes in most kids' education, holes that exist through no fault of their own. The textbook It's All One teaches health through a human rights lens; a resource called "Family Life and Sexual Health (FLASH)" has unprecedented lessons addressing a range of gender expression and gender stereotypes, and not once exhibits heteronormativity. Needless to say, regardless of how the DOE rules, educators citywide should consider adopting similar lesson plans.

This summer, I interned at the NYCLU and spent much of my time there systematically cataloging the sex education curricula of multiple New York schools, whose materials we accessed via Freedom of Information Law (FOIL) requests. I sat at my cubicle, noting what different districts included and omitted.

Quite a few worksheets supplied inaccurate information; for example, that condoms are most effective when coated in the spermicide Nonoxyl-09. Actually, that spermicide eats away at the condom, rendering it unsafe to use. Other worksheets would be ridiculously simplistic for middle school students, let alone high school students. One fill-in-the-blank worksheet prompts the student: opportunistic diseases arising from the weak, HIV-infected immune system "usually cause the person to..." die. "Die" is the contextually correct answer choice that students may select from the word bank at the top of the page. The accompanying illustration features a face with a downturned squiggle of a mouth, and exes for eyes.

Another disturbing trend is the tendency in the curricula to gloss over female sexuality. Teaching materials on the male reproductive system suggest that teachers "may want to trace the path of the sperm from the testicles, through the vas deferens, seminal vesicles, prostate gland, and urethra" to explain the complete process of ejaculation and orgasm. Meanwhile, the "equivalent" materials on the female reproductive system simply state that knowledge of their anatomy can help girls "better grasp what happens during the menstrual cycle."

There was no mention of vaginal lubrication or female orgasm, when two pages ago I skimmed dully over detailed explanations of erections, semen, and wet dreams. Every curriculum I examined had diagrams of the external male genitalia, while the vast majority of curricula supplied only internal diagrams of the female genitalia.

It is unimaginable that a girl could graduate from health class without knowing her uterus from her urethra. And in one rare external diagram of the vagina, the clitoris was redacted. Someone had literally taken a Sharpie and blacked it out so it could not be seen.

When a curriculum suggests 101 ways to stay abstinent but not one resource for STI testing, New York needs an overhaul. When a curriculum constantly depicts men as lewd and domineering, and women as prude and submissive, New York needs an overhaul. When a curriculum uses the word "sodomy" to describe anal sex, New York needs an overhaul. And when a curriculum defines the ovaries as "the woman's egg factory" and the vagina as "the penis fits in here," New York needs an overhaul.

That overhaul needs to cover its bases and beyond, and teach kids more than just first base, second base, third base, and fourth. Because when we close our books and head home for the night, bad sex education has consequences deeper than STIs and pregnancy.

 
 
 
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10:19 PM on 10/05/2011
humans will be humans..we too are animals in our own world...and it's a natural instinct to wana stick our nose up a ladys skirt...just like a dog would
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Nora Bahr
09:55 PM on 10/05/2011
Wonderful Lily!

I too had similar experiences in my high school sex ed class "CARE class". We spent weeks and weeks on learning how to identify STDs (complete with ugly pictures of their symptoms) & learning how to discuss our feelings, but never once did we discuss condoms, the pill, or anything of the sort. There where no pictures of anything on the female and I learned entirely more than I ever wanted to know about (male) wet dreams and nothing about my own anatomy. And if you where LGBT in that class, though shit.

Across the country these programs need to get their act together. The powers-that-be who design these classes and their materials need to come into present where these issues are something that affect teens everyday.
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06:03 PM on 10/05/2011
What happened to learning about sex "OUT BEHIND THE BARN"?
05:28 PM on 10/05/2011
Excellent article! What an extraordinary young woman. This article should be widely circulated.
04:26 PM on 10/05/2011
I hear so much about teen pregnancies, abortions, sex before marriage and even in the early teens. ENOUGH! People have sex when they want to have sex or when they feel that they are ready to. When I was in school I remember the ridiculous stories they would try to fill our heads with: you will never become a success if you get pregnant as a teenager, if you don't use protection then you could get sick (agree with this one), but the most messed up one of all is that there are too many programs that are on tv that make teens want to have sex. The fact is the ratio of pregnant teenagers to those that are not is growing so high because there is no information out there about it; everyone is scared to talk about it or do not know how. The fact remains that if you are going to be scared to talk about it to your kids, they are going to be more curious about it. make them aware and let them make their own mature choices when they feel they are ready. Oh, and for those who think there is no better way to live in the world than to wait until you are married: GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE CLOUDS. Have fun and be happy, if you are in love don't think you have to wait. You only live once, so be in love with the one you are with!:)
Rubberfish
Who needs a stinkin' micro-bio
02:01 PM on 10/05/2011
I remember sex ed in middle school. The female reproductive cycle was so boring, especially considering that I didn't even have a cycle yet. And I remember the assignment we had in which we were supposed to measure our father's and mother's shoulders to illustrate how men and women differ aside from different genitalia. Considering how dull the class was overall, I don't think even conservative parents have anything to worry about if their children receive a sex education that's different from "abstinence only".
Considering that I went through sex ed in the mid-80's, I'm surprised at how little progress has been made in the curricula in the meantime.
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hackitoff
question everything
01:50 PM on 10/05/2011
Practice makes perfect.
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zwaki
Sanity is overrated
04:48 PM on 10/05/2011
Homework assignments?
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sarahmysterious
I prefer a bleeding heart to one of stone.
12:23 PM on 10/05/2011
Sex education prevents unwanted teen pregnancies, STIs, and abortions. What else needs to be said?
01:58 PM on 10/05/2011
Not having sex outside of marriage prevents all of that ....100%
02:36 PM on 10/05/2011
Have you ever asked a river not to flow?
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sarahmysterious
I prefer a bleeding heart to one of stone.
02:59 PM on 10/05/2011
What an antiquated way of thinking.

That is not reality.

And are you saying that people who do not believe in the institution of marriage should never have sex???

Your moral idealism is only that. It's not a solution to the real world problems I alluded to.
11:17 AM on 10/05/2011
When I was in school (early 1960's) ... the ONLY sexual education was showing movies on VD. The subject of "sex" was never mentioned by my parents, there were no Sex Ed. classes (that I remember anyway). I'm sure that homosexuality was around but that also was a taboo subject. I don't even think the term transgender was ever discussed when I was in school.

I liked the idea of having a course taught by both a male instructor and a female instructor ... it actually makes sense seeing how a majority of sexual activity involves male AND female. I also like the idea of teaching tolerance for homosexulity, transgender, homophobia, etc.
02:46 PM on 10/05/2011
go teach that somewhere else
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HBobedajr
Plus que change,plus c'est la meme chose!
09:16 PM on 10/05/2011
God says committing homosexual acts is wrong...mmmkay?
05:50 PM on 10/05/2011
At least matters have improved a lot since then! But there are still so many taboos that need breaking down. And you might not believe it, but some documents today still refer to STIs as "venereal disease." I like the dual instructor idea a lot as well, and it would have even more power paired with speaker series to give people added perspectives not only from other genders, but from LGBTQ organizations, experts on domestic violence, and even more people who can bring a political or global perspective to health ed.
11:02 AM on 10/05/2011
No one seems to want to mention the statistics on condom failure and also the statisitics on condom usage by teens and even all ages. The fact that the HPV virus can be caught by skin to skin contact and that it is an epidemic.
We have just accepted that teens have no self control and will have sex no matter what.
So we just go merrily along and our young people get STDs, and pregnant and have abortions and have on the average 6 sexual partners before marriage and growing.
Have we all lost our minds and now its anything goes.....no right or wrong..just whatever we feel like doing? If it feels good ...do it.
Don't like your spouse? Divorce them. Want to have a sexual relationship with multiple partners? Thats OK. How about teaching all about condoms..after all teenagers are going to have sex...right? We wouldn't want to say "NO" to them..they might just wait until marriage,be faithful to their spouse, not get HPV, and not have to live with aborting their own children for the rest of their lives... what would the world come to then?
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spydrworks1067
11:28 AM on 10/05/2011
Would you rather your child come home from the doctor's with a diagnosis of AIDS?
01:48 PM on 10/05/2011
I'd rather my child wait until marriage. Marry someone who has done the same. Stay faithful to that partner. That's the only way to be 100 % sure you don't get STD's including AIDS.
Contrary to public opinion, there are millions of us who have done so ..
We'd never tell our child to play Russian Roulette...yet that is what some are doing when it comes to sexual behavior.
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lawlibrarian
Happiness is a warm puppy
11:33 AM on 10/05/2011
So, your "advice" is to just fail to instruct teens on how to have safe sex because they'll all run out and have sex with six partners? WRONG. Teens have sex, it is not a new phenomenon. This has been happening since the beginning of man. Our hormones are programmed to activate sexual urges during puberty. If you refuse to educate children on ALL their options, they will get their information or MISinformation elsewhere. Girls have been "taught" to say NO, boys have been "taught" that it's up to the GIRL to say NO. THIS is the way you want things to continue?
Education can keep kids SAFE. Talking TO your kid and SHOWING them what you believe to be "moral behavior" might stick with your child but, don't be surprised if they "disappoint" you and have sex anyway.
02:22 PM on 10/05/2011
key word "TALK" to your kids.we raised 2 daughters,and were never shy about talking about sex.answered all their questions honestly.not just about the mechcanics of sex but also the moral questions as well.i know both had sex before they got married,and both practiced safe sex,my youngest at 17 1/2 actually asked me for a condom one nite before going out,she returned it the next morning saying it just didn't feel right last nite.a couple weeks later she asked for it again,didnt get tha one back.2 yrs. later they got married and still are.thank you.talk honestly with your kids you raise them NOT the state.
06:08 PM on 10/05/2011
Education that tells the whole story, not just what is politically correct.
10:48 AM on 10/05/2011
WOW! A+ if this were an school essay and prizeworthy in a student journalism contest. Informative, accurate and challenging the 'system' without bombast. Perhaps for lack of space you didn't mention the Planned Parenthood programs that send sex-educators into schools (by invitation of course) and the Our Whole Lives (OWL) program, which is a joint effort of the Unitarian/Universalist and United Church of Christ churches. OWL is taught in participating churches by trained member facilitators, has 3 age-appropriate curricula for elementary, middle school and high school age levels, and has been around since the early 90's. You can check it out at www.uua.org.
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10:30 AM on 10/05/2011
sexual education should NOT just be taught in high school. Sexual education should be taught from 7th grade on.In Adolescence they search for self -identity by making choices about sexual orientation, and life style. The adolesent relies on peers for support to create a self-image seperate from the parent. If those needs are not met the adolesent experiences role confusion and loss of self belief.

Why is everyone so scared to get real? SEX is everywhere and it is not going ANYWHERE. If the adults can grow up and teach sex ed at the proper age children can be aware before they are approched or before they are thrown into a world they do not understand.Children are getting raped. Dating older and becoming abused resulting in unnessasary violence, loosing self confidence, commiting suicide and being bullied . All because people are conflicted about whats rite or wrong? Because of this look at the outcome young girls 12, 13, having babies! they cant even get a job and they are having BABIES! babies are being thrown out in the trash!!!! because they are scared to tell mommy and daddy!.. This can all be prevented..

I am 20 years old and I will go to every state and teach sex ed for FREE if thats what it will take. If of course some one pays for plane tickets and hotels.lol
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ericadawn16
08:26 PM on 10/05/2011
Actually, the average onset of puberty happens at 10-13 and can start at early as eight or nine in those with weight problems or other conditions.

So if you wait until 7th, you might already have some very confused kids about what's happening to their classmates, My grade school gave us the very basic parts overview in third grade and then taught us what sex was in fourth grade.

No, they didn't go over prevention enough or mention masturbation or anything like that. I didn't discover what clitoris meant until reading fanfiction in high school.
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HBobedajr
Plus que change,plus c'est la meme chose!
09:22 PM on 10/05/2011
That's "ssssuper"!
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dumasjohnj
09:50 AM on 10/05/2011
No one is mentioning the rapidly growing poly populations.
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dumasjohnj
09:49 AM on 10/05/2011
Without detailed knowledge of female lubrication, condoms will break.
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HBobedajr
Plus que change,plus c'est la meme chose!
07:50 PM on 10/05/2011
That's what "Astro-glide",K-Y Jelly, and other similar lubricants are for!
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dumasjohnj
05:43 PM on 10/07/2011
Just what every woman wants?
08:16 PM on 10/05/2011
Buy lubricated condoms then.
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dumasjohnj
05:45 PM on 10/07/2011
Great, your not ready yet so I'll just use this stuff.