Reading Charlie Capen's 'Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me' made me think about the number of men out there, lost in the newdadnosleepnosexlife.
Childbirth changes a marriage. It's not just about a new baby's presence, but the toll it takes on your body. Sure you can feed your child with formula, leave him in a daycare center, and use the cry it out method, but what if you want to practice full time breastfeeding and attachment parenting, like me?
The first few weeks I survived by telling myself to take one day at a time, and keep it simple. Sex was out of the window, long gone to a different continent by then. My husband and I decided to wait at least a whole month to give it a try. I appreciated his patience in giving me time to heal, and feel closer to normal again.
Those first weeks were intense. I felt like an island, and no matter how much my family helped, the novelty of the baby wore off and I was on my own. Being at home all day, covered in baby poo, baby puke and baby pee can make the most confident woman feel as sexy as a pile of dirt. Some days I was so out of it I forgot to brush my teeth, or didn't have time to take a shower until my husband came back from work. I couldn't fathom why on Earth my husband wanted me. My body changed, and my self esteem dropped with my saggy skin.
Two months into maternity, my husband took the baby for six hours (I started to pump milk by then), and bought me a wonderful Spa Day. I felt beautiful and charming, so it paid off (for that day). For the past month, things have started to pick up. He has learned (through talk and arguing and more talk and arguing) that helping out with the house chores, taking the baby for a while so I can nap and other little things are more arousing than parading naked in front of me.
Waving your cute butt in front of your wife will not do anything for your sex life. Doing the dishes, the laundry and putting the baby to sleep... Now that will raise more than an eyebrow or two.