Reading Charlie Capen's 'Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me' made me think about the number of men out there, lost in the newdadnosleepnosexlife.
Childbirth changes a marriage. It's not just about a new baby's presence, but the toll it takes on your body. Sure you can feed your child with formula, leave him in a daycare center, and use the cry it out method, but what if you want to practice full time breastfeeding and attachment parenting, like me?
The first few weeks I survived by telling myself to take one day at a time, and keep it simple. Sex was out of the window, long gone to a different continent by then. My husband and I decided to wait at least a whole month to give it a try. I appreciated his patience in giving me time to heal, and feel closer to normal again.
Those first weeks were intense. I felt like an island, and no matter how much my family helped, the novelty of the baby wore off and I was on my own. Being at home all day, covered in baby poo, baby puke and baby pee can make the most confident woman feel as sexy as a pile of dirt. Some days I was so out of it I forgot to brush my teeth, or didn't have time to take a shower until my husband came back from work. I couldn't fathom why on Earth my husband wanted me. My body changed, and my self esteem dropped with my saggy skin.
Two months into maternity, my husband took the baby for six hours (I started to pump milk by then), and bought me a wonderful Spa Day. I felt beautiful and charming, so it paid off (for that day). For the past month, things have started to pick up. He has learned (through talk and arguing and more talk and arguing) that helping out with the house chores, taking the baby for a while so I can nap and other little things are more arousing than parading naked in front of me.
Waving your cute butt in front of your wife will not do anything for your sex life. Doing the dishes, the laundry and putting the baby to sleep... Now that will raise more than an eyebrow or two.
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Barbara Sibbald: Making Love Last
Charlie Capen: Why Won't My Wife Have Sex With Me?
A piece written by a man on what you get out of "doing the dishes"- http://www.yourtango.com/experts/21st-century-man/do-dishes
A little cheesy flirting, a sexy look, and lingering caresses as you pass by on your daily duties helps keep the fire stoked. It's hard to light a fire if the embers are cold so keep them burning with a little flirting - even if it's fake and forced to begin with the results are surprising. Trust me.
1. Most are not good in bed. It's the same old quick 5 seconds & it's over. As usual he's just thinking of himself.
2. Most don't help around the house we become tired and overwhelmed, angry and he starts looking like the enemy.
3. he's nicer to his friends than you, not romantic, kind, sweet or concerned about the wife only himself. forget sex with him he ain't what you had in mind as a life long partner anymore.
1) Have you slept with most of the men on the planet? If not, how do you know this to be the case?
2) Have you lived with with most of the men on the planet? Again, if not, how do you know this to be the case?
3) See #2
I no more like men lumping all women together based solely on the relationships they've been in, than I do women lumping all men together based solely on the relationships they've been in. It's not really fair to either gender.
Perhaps a more apt opening line would've been, "Why I don't have sex with my husband'???
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Home is Where I Lost Her - Roy Buchanan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffxAuYmxt3A
Seems simple enough right? Use my hoover, I'll be yours later ;)
If I saw BP walking around my house naked, I'd most definitely call 911. I would perhaps reconsider, if he put his clothes back on and offered to do the dishes -- or better yet, clean the house.
I really don't get the appeal of Brad "Hamster Cheeks" Pitt. He was mentioned on this thread alone several times already as if he were all that. He isn't. IM(apparently isolated)O.
I personally believe that whoever has the most time at home is who should be doing the most house work and cooking....him or her....it doesn't matter. If you both have the same amount then work together on Sat. morning to clean house and do the laundry , alternate who cooks during the week or cook together (nice foreplay!) so that you can spend the rest of the weekend together. It's that simple.
Ladies....we need to speak up and ask for this to happen...the men don't just know it's what needs to be done! It makes for a much happier relationship and/or marriage this way and I'm speaking as a former martyr AKA: superwoman who gave it up when I learned a better way:)
Hire ye a maid
Go back to the hunter gatherer age, which was the longest previous phase in our evolution, and you will find that there was no marriage. People lived in groups of matriarchy. Such groups still exist. I reckon humanity will eventually go back to it. Perhaps even this century.
My husband and I each have our own strengths (and weaknesses) and we capitalize on those in our relationship. Basically, if I am better at something...I take on the responsibility and vice versa. We don't try to change the other into what WE want them to be...we already are what the other wants: We wouldn't be together if we weren't.
With that being said, my only advise to other women is stop trying to change your man into what you want him to be. You married him, warts and all, for who he was: Hopefully not for who you thought you could turn him into after the "I do's".
Okay...not my "only" advise. lol And STOP using sex as a reward for his being a "good boy"/for "learning" that "invaluable" lesson you thought was your place to teach him, etc. If you put in as much effort to looking/feeling sexy for him as you demand he make you feel...life will be good.