Hands down, this season of "The Bachelor" (Mondays at 8 p.m. EST on ABC) rivals that random Prince's season as the most boring in franchise history. The Feb. 27 episode didn't even come close to entertaining. I would call it a distant cousin of mediocre. Like Ben's wardrobe, it was two hours of a bland, forgetful ensemble. In order to spare you the mundane details, I fashioned a fun little quiz to help make the recap more interesting.
1. Which article of clothing did you find most attractive on Ben?
- The grey t-shirt
- The slate Levis
- The granite coat
- The smoky tie
- None of the above. I sometimes miss and definitely prefer Ames' red chinos.
2. At what point in Switzerland did Ben almost throw up?
- When the helicopter went straight down the side of a mountain while he was with Nicki on their date.
- When he went repelling down the side of a mountain while he was with Lindzi on their date.
- When Courtney played mind games with him and there was a moment he thought she would forgo the forgo card opportunity.
- When Kacie B. came back and told him that Courtney was "in it to win it."
- When Our Host Chris Harrison sent word that he wouldn't be able to deliberate before the rose ceremony, only to show up moments later shouting, "SYKE!"
- "Remember to look concerned."
- "I wonder if the ABC intern refilled my boot flask?"
- "I've got to land this plane. Soon."
- "I'll give him 10,000 to consult my personal stylist and go shopping."
- "Next time, I'm insisting the studio flies Roberto out to meet me."
4. Which describes the ideal hot tub scenario for Ben?
- One that is the size of a wine barrel.
- One that appears to be a bath tub with questionable glowing blue water.
- One that actually has jets that circulate bubbles.
- He doesn't care. There are half-naked chicks sitting in his lap.
- Any hot tub that includes his good buddy Constantine.
5. True or False: Someone loaned Ben a flat iron for his hair.
6. Who did you predict the mysterious woman would be who crashed Room 414?
- You knew it was Kacie B. from the legs.
- You thought it could be Ashley coming back to give Ben advice.
- Shawntel can't take a hint and thinks the odds are forever in her favor.
- Courtney is on the prowl for some fun in Switzerland with an outfit that involves naughty lederhosen.
- The ABC intern lost a bet.
7. What was the most cliche moment from last night's episode?
- Conquering a fear of heights ... again.
- Comparing the fact that you can "see forever" on top of a mountain to "seeing yourself forever with this man."
- Ben pretending he had a hard time deciding whether or not to give The Model a rose.
- Recommending a drinking game corresponding with the amount of times Courtney touches her hair.
- Nicki's toga dress at the rose ceremony.
8. True or False: Lindzi's pants were forgone in the forgo card fantasy suite.
9. What was the most "special" part about the promo for Emily's upcoming season of The Bachelorette?
- Ali's signature yellow tank top, blue yoga pants.
- Ashley wearing a skirt purchased from Build-A-Bear.
- Going to see Titanic in cocktail dresses and four-inch heels.
- The fact that we had to watch them get dressed in cocktail dresses and four-inch heels to go see Titanic in 3-D.
- The retro 3-D glasses.
10. Who will Ben propose to in two weeks?
- Who cares?
You all receive an A+ for putting up with such nonsense. Congratulations! To read the recap in its entirety, feel free to visit www.iHateGreenBeans.com.
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